I'm back!!! The usual me is BACK!!! WohOo!!!
No more emo, no more negative thoughts, no more stupid thoughts running wild...
I seriously have to thank everybody that helped me through this darkest period.
Cren - Ty for scolding me awake. All those you wrote on your blog and on the tagbox, really knock some sense into me. Once again, advices from the pro... Really, thank you=) I really thought that friends are really selfish at that point in time, just realised that the amount of devotion they put into the relationship may be even more then I did... I take back my words. I'm sorry for saying, let's put it behind kay? Cose I really dun wan to lose such great friends...
Derek - Thank for letting me know that you have always been there for me. I dao-ed u on monday but u still came to talk to me. Thks brudda!! Love ya always~
Eugene - You did the final blow!!! Was shaky, confused about everything. You did the final push and waked me to my senses. Really appreciate what you have done for me. XIE ler You Gen Ge!
Joshua - Never even seem pissed with me at all, constantly giving me support=) Ty vice-cap, you are a real solid friend.
Jarryl - Ty for everything. From injuring my knee ( joking!!! Dun blame you anymore, cause it actually recovered already but I pulled it again so now very pain, so it's my fault now XD), to easing the tension between me and the rest when I was hysteric...
Seh Hian - Ty for giving me a brainwashing lesson during lesson time??? You just need to stay awake in class=) Ty bro...
Anonymous - Who heck r u? But ty anw, you really smashed me in the face with your remarks, which of course, jolted me awake from my darkest period... reveal yourself pls... Wilson? I really dunno...
Friends... You guys gave me a all new definition of 'friends'.
'Friends', they are people that stay by you even when you are your lowest point in your life, walking through your darkest period of your life without any grumbles. THANK YOU all!!! I love you guys~
Can't imagine life without you people... This may sound very fake?, like trying to amend for my mistakes or make up for my misdeed, but I really mean it, thank you, all of you =)
Friday, July 30, 2010
Study!!!
"Its a Sunday and I locked myself inside my house to do HOMEWORKS! Yeaps! did loads, but still can't complete... " Lynda
My inspiration to study=) Really like the idea of locking myself up and doing serious work instead of spending few hours doing nothing...
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
To my best friend I ever had in my life...
To my very best friend I ever had in my life:
You are indeed my very best friend I ever had in my life, seriously. If you were a girl, I would have married you already.
Thank you. Thank you for everything that you have done for me.
You have shown me that friends aren't what I thought they would be. Many incidents recently have brought across this message to me " Friends aren't who they seem, everything has it's motive..." I started to believe for a moment.
Since young, I was granted quite some power in many aspects of my life due to the various leadership positions I held. I was, in a way or another, popular among my friends; people all wanted to be part of my 'clique'. Like you said "the aura". It's just there, maybe it's my personality or maybe it's my character, I'm not sure anyway. Or maybe be'cose I'm very sucessful in all aspect of my life. Studies, sports, friends, student leader, outspoken, fun-loving. Definitely a guy everybody would want to hang out with.
1) Jarryl on his blog, "So much for trying so hard to be on good terms with him by heading to the students' lounge during recess for a period of time." So you didn't really like to go to the student's lounge? You went thr so that you could get closer to me?
2) Met a few primary school friends recently. Realised that nobody actually contacted me when thr was class gathering. Considering the fact that I was one of the most popular in my class, why hadn't anybody contact me when there was a class gathering? Or was all the 'friendship' a lie? A way for them to get into my clique, a way for them to take advantage of my power I held then?
3) Accidentally tripped Cren during training. He said this at the Mrt, unintentionally of course, " Friends don't trip each other on court." I was furious, I thought he knew it was totally unintentional, I thought we knew each other so well that we will understand that we will never injure one another no matter what. Oya, sry Jarryl... knew how u felt then XD... My fault...
4) Those friends that I thought were my best friends got the lowest score for the quiz. Nigel and Jarryl were the highest, Derek was the lowest... I thought that Derek knew me very well... Was it all a lie only?
When the message started to hover around in my head, I began to wonder. Did all my 'friends' become my friends be'cose they want to be part of the popular 'clique' or be'cose they wanted to take advantage of the power I held? I foolishly believed these thoughts and started to dislike everybody, from Derek all the way to Seh Hian. I wanted to be a loner. I wanted everybody that 'want to take advantage of me' to regret and waste their effort...
More often than not, I always put my friends before me in all situations. I treated them wholeheartedly, with no signs of self-centered-ness. I'm always willing to give but not for any return. I believed that the amount of devotion I put into the relationship decides the outcome of our relationship. BUT, never once anybody did something for me unless I did them a favour for them. Nobody did something which ask for nothing in return. Nobody but YOU...
You helped me regain my confidence in friendship. You shown me that friends aren't what they seem, cose~ they are even better than what you actually think. Thank You.
Your indeed my best friend. You are the very 1st guy which did something for me without asking for any return. If there wasn't a need, I wouldn't even have seen what you have done for me. This is what true friends do. Helping each other in the back, without the person knowing; doing everything without asking for any return or acknowledgement.
You are the very first guy I met whom have done so much for me. I'm always doing it for my friends but hardly anybody realising it. You're the only one which have done what I've done.
In fact you know me better than I know myself.
I think you are closest to yourself.
You want to be a coach.
You aspire to be a writer.
Your darkest period was in sec 2.
And your favourite subject is Geography.
This wasn't my original answers but come to think of it, actually it's true... That was what I'm truly am. I'm closest to myself not my family. I want to be a coach. I want to be a writer more than a movie director, it's be'cose my command of language isn't strong enuf that's why I lied to myself saying " I want to be a movie director." Come to think of it, my darkest period WAS Sec 2, not P5. Grades dropping in sec 2, not very good at floorball then, had little close friends. Geo IS my favourite subject.
Indeed, I keep too much things to myself. When anybody ask " You feeling okay?" I would definitely say " I'm fine" even though I'm not. I don't tell anybody my troubles, I have too many secrets that I'm not willing to share. Those problems on the blog are only the surface, I never once wrote something that was close to my heart. Everything is kept inside.
"I dunno but i feel that you have this special way of making other people feel that you are doing fine. And for awhile i believed it, and i felt INCREDIBLY jealous of you. Yeah, jealous. I couldn't understand how your world could be so perfect, and it just seemed to me that you had everything. Friends, GREAT floorball skills (and dun try to say that its not great, because i know and you know that it is) you had like awesome grades. And like china girls fall for you. Yeah you say she's irritating, but not even irritating ones fall for me.. And like you are also incredibly outgoing and fun to be around. And one more very important thing. You never succumb to anger the way i do."
In eyes of many, I'm like the perfect person to be. The ideal successful 'student alethete'. It's be'cose I've always seem so perfect that I did not want my image to get stained. I wanted to stay perfect in everybody's mind. Nobody in this world is perfect, I'm not perfect too. It's all a lie, I'm like all of you, I'm just better in areas where you can see, imperfect in areas you can't see. I have many secrets that I'm not willing to share, I want to perfect in eveybody's mind.
You taught me something important, to open up. I'm keeping so many things to myself that it's killing me. I need to say everything out. Nobody truly knows me. That was why I created the quiz to find out how much people actually know about me. Truth is, the only person that knew me inside out, other than you and ,Nigel which came close, is myself. I keep too much to myself.
There are so many secrets in my life, many you never heard of, many you will never expect to come from me. I decided to share it with somebody at last, it will be you. I decided, I shall slowly tell you EVERYTHING...
Thank YOU, my best friend I ever had in my life. This is the 1st time in my life I ever came close to saying something close to my heart in this blog.
You shown me what true friendship really means. Although there will still be doubts when I'm with my friends, but you are one that I will never ever doubt. Cose~ your my true friend =)
To U: hehe, your dream finally came true =)
You are indeed my very best friend I ever had in my life, seriously. If you were a girl, I would have married you already.
Thank you. Thank you for everything that you have done for me.
You have shown me that friends aren't what I thought they would be. Many incidents recently have brought across this message to me " Friends aren't who they seem, everything has it's motive..." I started to believe for a moment.
Since young, I was granted quite some power in many aspects of my life due to the various leadership positions I held. I was, in a way or another, popular among my friends; people all wanted to be part of my 'clique'. Like you said "the aura". It's just there, maybe it's my personality or maybe it's my character, I'm not sure anyway. Or maybe be'cose I'm very sucessful in all aspect of my life. Studies, sports, friends, student leader, outspoken, fun-loving. Definitely a guy everybody would want to hang out with.
1) Jarryl on his blog, "So much for trying so hard to be on good terms with him by heading to the students' lounge during recess for a period of time." So you didn't really like to go to the student's lounge? You went thr so that you could get closer to me?
2) Met a few primary school friends recently. Realised that nobody actually contacted me when thr was class gathering. Considering the fact that I was one of the most popular in my class, why hadn't anybody contact me when there was a class gathering? Or was all the 'friendship' a lie? A way for them to get into my clique, a way for them to take advantage of my power I held then?
3) Accidentally tripped Cren during training. He said this at the Mrt, unintentionally of course, " Friends don't trip each other on court." I was furious, I thought he knew it was totally unintentional, I thought we knew each other so well that we will understand that we will never injure one another no matter what. Oya, sry Jarryl... knew how u felt then XD... My fault...
4) Those friends that I thought were my best friends got the lowest score for the quiz. Nigel and Jarryl were the highest, Derek was the lowest... I thought that Derek knew me very well... Was it all a lie only?
When the message started to hover around in my head, I began to wonder. Did all my 'friends' become my friends be'cose they want to be part of the popular 'clique' or be'cose they wanted to take advantage of the power I held? I foolishly believed these thoughts and started to dislike everybody, from Derek all the way to Seh Hian. I wanted to be a loner. I wanted everybody that 'want to take advantage of me' to regret and waste their effort...
More often than not, I always put my friends before me in all situations. I treated them wholeheartedly, with no signs of self-centered-ness. I'm always willing to give but not for any return. I believed that the amount of devotion I put into the relationship decides the outcome of our relationship. BUT, never once anybody did something for me unless I did them a favour for them. Nobody did something which ask for nothing in return. Nobody but YOU...
You helped me regain my confidence in friendship. You shown me that friends aren't what they seem, cose~ they are even better than what you actually think. Thank You.
Your indeed my best friend. You are the very 1st guy which did something for me without asking for any return. If there wasn't a need, I wouldn't even have seen what you have done for me. This is what true friends do. Helping each other in the back, without the person knowing; doing everything without asking for any return or acknowledgement.
You are the very first guy I met whom have done so much for me. I'm always doing it for my friends but hardly anybody realising it. You're the only one which have done what I've done.
In fact you know me better than I know myself.
I think you are closest to yourself.
You want to be a coach.
You aspire to be a writer.
Your darkest period was in sec 2.
And your favourite subject is Geography.
This wasn't my original answers but come to think of it, actually it's true... That was what I'm truly am. I'm closest to myself not my family. I want to be a coach. I want to be a writer more than a movie director, it's be'cose my command of language isn't strong enuf that's why I lied to myself saying " I want to be a movie director." Come to think of it, my darkest period WAS Sec 2, not P5. Grades dropping in sec 2, not very good at floorball then, had little close friends. Geo IS my favourite subject.
Indeed, I keep too much things to myself. When anybody ask " You feeling okay?" I would definitely say " I'm fine" even though I'm not. I don't tell anybody my troubles, I have too many secrets that I'm not willing to share. Those problems on the blog are only the surface, I never once wrote something that was close to my heart. Everything is kept inside.
"I dunno but i feel that you have this special way of making other people feel that you are doing fine. And for awhile i believed it, and i felt INCREDIBLY jealous of you. Yeah, jealous. I couldn't understand how your world could be so perfect, and it just seemed to me that you had everything. Friends, GREAT floorball skills (and dun try to say that its not great, because i know and you know that it is) you had like awesome grades. And like china girls fall for you. Yeah you say she's irritating, but not even irritating ones fall for me.. And like you are also incredibly outgoing and fun to be around. And one more very important thing. You never succumb to anger the way i do."
In eyes of many, I'm like the perfect person to be. The ideal successful 'student alethete'. It's be'cose I've always seem so perfect that I did not want my image to get stained. I wanted to stay perfect in everybody's mind. Nobody in this world is perfect, I'm not perfect too. It's all a lie, I'm like all of you, I'm just better in areas where you can see, imperfect in areas you can't see. I have many secrets that I'm not willing to share, I want to perfect in eveybody's mind.
You taught me something important, to open up. I'm keeping so many things to myself that it's killing me. I need to say everything out. Nobody truly knows me. That was why I created the quiz to find out how much people actually know about me. Truth is, the only person that knew me inside out, other than you and ,Nigel which came close, is myself. I keep too much to myself.
There are so many secrets in my life, many you never heard of, many you will never expect to come from me. I decided to share it with somebody at last, it will be you. I decided, I shall slowly tell you EVERYTHING...
Thank YOU, my best friend I ever had in my life. This is the 1st time in my life I ever came close to saying something close to my heart in this blog.
You shown me what true friendship really means. Although there will still be doubts when I'm with my friends, but you are one that I will never ever doubt. Cose~ your my true friend =)
To U: hehe, your dream finally came true =)
Sunday, July 25, 2010
Dying
I really feel like dying right now...
I feel like crying, reason unknown.
I'm so tired of my life. So tired of it...
I just want to slack my life away for the next few days, doing nothing at all.
Heck all the hw and exams, I'm in no mood to attend to them.
Really hope that I can sleep and never wake up, that would be the best.
Dun come and bother me, cose if anybody is doing so, I'm gonna tell him to fuck off. Nothing in my life now is important, everything seem pointless.
At the end of the day, what do I get? Nothing.
I was right. I got no friends that understand me, not even one was close to getting it right. My so-called 'friends'... none got close to the answers...
And Cren, I'm really considering to be a taxi driver in the future...
One day everybody will come to this point in time thinking, "What am I living for? Why am I working so hard everyday?"
What do I really get from it? Life is harsh, reality makes it worse...
Maybe my parents were right. Friends are there when you doing fine,but your family will be there will you are in trouble. Blood is thicker than water, I'm starting to understand why now...
From now on, I shall be a loner. In fact, I was alone all along. I just had the illusion that I had friends with me. I was lying to myself obviously.
Alone now, walking to the end point of adolescence. Took me quite a while but I'm through. I'm no longer who I used to be anymore. I came to my senses already.
There is no one that understands you better than your family does.
Cooler, darker and more mature. I'm a different person from now.
I don't derserve to your friend, neither do you...
I feel like crying, reason unknown.
I'm so tired of my life. So tired of it...
I just want to slack my life away for the next few days, doing nothing at all.
Heck all the hw and exams, I'm in no mood to attend to them.
Really hope that I can sleep and never wake up, that would be the best.
Dun come and bother me, cose if anybody is doing so, I'm gonna tell him to fuck off. Nothing in my life now is important, everything seem pointless.
At the end of the day, what do I get? Nothing.
I was right. I got no friends that understand me, not even one was close to getting it right. My so-called 'friends'... none got close to the answers...
And Cren, I'm really considering to be a taxi driver in the future...
One day everybody will come to this point in time thinking, "What am I living for? Why am I working so hard everyday?"
What do I really get from it? Life is harsh, reality makes it worse...
Maybe my parents were right. Friends are there when you doing fine,but your family will be there will you are in trouble. Blood is thicker than water, I'm starting to understand why now...
From now on, I shall be a loner. In fact, I was alone all along. I just had the illusion that I had friends with me. I was lying to myself obviously.
Alone now, walking to the end point of adolescence. Took me quite a while but I'm through. I'm no longer who I used to be anymore. I came to my senses already.
There is no one that understands you better than your family does.
Cooler, darker and more mature. I'm a different person from now.
I don't derserve to your friend, neither do you...
Who am I?
To all my friends out there, do you really think you know me well enough? Cose~ I think none of you do…
I have many close friends, people who care for me, people who have shown me their concern. Cren, Derek, Gene, Josh, Jarryl, Ryan, Nigel, Wilson, JY, Seh Hian, all of you make great friends.
But do you really noe me? Take the test below, I would like to see your answers…
1) Who am I closest to?
A) Cren
B) Family
C) Myself
D) Derek
2) (Floorball) What do I aspire to become in the future?
A) A referee
B) A coach
C) A national player
D) A normal player that purely enjoys floorball
3) What do I aspire to become in the future?
A) A writer
B) A journalist
C) A movie director
D) A taxi driver
4) What was the darkest period in my life?
A) Always
B) P5
C) Now
D) Sec 2
5) What’s my favourite subject??
A) Math
B) Geo
C) History
D) English
Just give it a try. I would like to see your answers…
Friday, July 23, 2010
Troubled..
Feeling so troubled now. So many things are bothering me right now. Let's start with Thursday...
-Sat in my dad's car to school today. It was pouring heavily outside. Felt really warm and cozy in my dad's car then. Saw people walking to school in the rain, felt very fortunate that my dad actually drove me to school. We often see what our parents don't do for us but rarely see what our parents actually do for us...
-Went to school early for morning training. Had a bit of fun there. Sec 1s are really good, hope they can achieve Top '4' and complete our dream one day... Just realised something as well, I can't really shoot very well... Off target most of the time... No comments needed btw.
See those big gaps in between the team? That is how we are like now. Small groups... A simple warm-up drill shows everything. We were never a team...
- Went straight to gym after the geo project meeting was over. Had a rude welcome from the team. Think that they are not pleased to see me or something? Ignored that and went for court.
- That was when everything happened. Shots came no where near the goal. Air-hooking (which was suppose to be my training objective ) did not seem to be working. Groin hurting like shyt. All the passes I received were shitty, had to run and chase for it or it came to my back hand. Passes I made was shitty as well. One of the worst training I ever had there. And my fucking knee was hurting like shyt!!! Can't even straighten my leg... Worst still, can't even change direction or the whole knee might even dislocate...
- Blew my temper and started slamming every ball that came to me. The whole team was irritated, I'm not sure why but everybody seemed distracted. During individual training, I sneaked out and ended up air-hooking down and up the stairs. Really made myself to cool down and think through things.
- Got back to training and decided to smile. Suddenly, the whole team seem to brighten up. I realised something, all my actions will actually affect the whole team, directly or indirectly. I took my frustration on court and everybody became frustrated as well. I decided to smile as a result.
- Played match. _!_.
- Did pt and realise that I can't do lunges. Both knee can't do.
Went back home.
Friday.
- Compo test was screwed up, again. I wrote 1 and a half pages and still haven reach climax yet... Best still, 10 minutes left. I was over-confident, I thought essay writing was one of my best papers. I THOUGHT I could ace it, but I failed once again. I made the same mistake. Big head small body. I spent 10 minutes writing the introduction and 20 minutes trying to bring the characters to the setting. Ended up with 10 minutes for the climax. Didn't check my work as well. An 18 would be more than enough for me.
I used to have a large amount of vocabularies in my arsenal due to the enormous amount of books I used to read when I was young. Essay writing were my favourite paper then. But i stopped reading now days. I thought those vocabularies I accumulated in primary school can last me through secondary school. I was wrong. A lesson to learn from this, learning never stops. Seem like I have to work HARDER on my essay writing in the future. Complete the essay within the time frame to practise time management and to write simple stories that describes the thoughts and feelings of the character rather than stories that has a super long build-up.
- Hang around at the pool room with Joshua, Eugene, Derek, Cren, Jie Ying and You hong. Had so fun there but decided not to watch any movie.
As I was watching the rest play pool, I had this vision that playing pool actually makes a person cooler and brings out the 'bad boy' image, those that girls are crazy over. Wanted to learn pool for a moment there but I realised something underlying this issue. Do we need to impress girls by acting cool?
If you really want a gf, if she really likes you, she will like who you are, not an act cool version of yourself. Girls that come after you be'cose of your looks or money, tell them to f*ck off. What matters most is the inside not the outside...
___________________________________________________________________
Respect. That is what I'm aiming to gain from everyone. I hope everybody will look up to me, in the way I act, the way I excel in all aspects of my life and the way I think. I want the respect of all my peers.
To get respect from them, I should start to build up my character and change the way I act first...
___________________________________________________________________
I'm really bad at maintaining relationships... I swear....
-Sat in my dad's car to school today. It was pouring heavily outside. Felt really warm and cozy in my dad's car then. Saw people walking to school in the rain, felt very fortunate that my dad actually drove me to school. We often see what our parents don't do for us but rarely see what our parents actually do for us...
-Went to school early for morning training. Had a bit of fun there. Sec 1s are really good, hope they can achieve Top '4' and complete our dream one day... Just realised something as well, I can't really shoot very well... Off target most of the time... No comments needed btw.
See those big gaps in between the team? That is how we are like now. Small groups... A simple warm-up drill shows everything. We were never a team...
- Went straight to gym after the geo project meeting was over. Had a rude welcome from the team. Think that they are not pleased to see me or something? Ignored that and went for court.
- That was when everything happened. Shots came no where near the goal. Air-hooking (which was suppose to be my training objective ) did not seem to be working. Groin hurting like shyt. All the passes I received were shitty, had to run and chase for it or it came to my back hand. Passes I made was shitty as well. One of the worst training I ever had there. And my fucking knee was hurting like shyt!!! Can't even straighten my leg... Worst still, can't even change direction or the whole knee might even dislocate...
- Blew my temper and started slamming every ball that came to me. The whole team was irritated, I'm not sure why but everybody seemed distracted. During individual training, I sneaked out and ended up air-hooking down and up the stairs. Really made myself to cool down and think through things.
- Got back to training and decided to smile. Suddenly, the whole team seem to brighten up. I realised something, all my actions will actually affect the whole team, directly or indirectly. I took my frustration on court and everybody became frustrated as well. I decided to smile as a result.
- Played match. _!_.
- Did pt and realise that I can't do lunges. Both knee can't do.
Went back home.
Friday.
- Compo test was screwed up, again. I wrote 1 and a half pages and still haven reach climax yet... Best still, 10 minutes left. I was over-confident, I thought essay writing was one of my best papers. I THOUGHT I could ace it, but I failed once again. I made the same mistake. Big head small body. I spent 10 minutes writing the introduction and 20 minutes trying to bring the characters to the setting. Ended up with 10 minutes for the climax. Didn't check my work as well. An 18 would be more than enough for me.
I used to have a large amount of vocabularies in my arsenal due to the enormous amount of books I used to read when I was young. Essay writing were my favourite paper then. But i stopped reading now days. I thought those vocabularies I accumulated in primary school can last me through secondary school. I was wrong. A lesson to learn from this, learning never stops. Seem like I have to work HARDER on my essay writing in the future. Complete the essay within the time frame to practise time management and to write simple stories that describes the thoughts and feelings of the character rather than stories that has a super long build-up.
- Hang around at the pool room with Joshua, Eugene, Derek, Cren, Jie Ying and You hong. Had so fun there but decided not to watch any movie.
As I was watching the rest play pool, I had this vision that playing pool actually makes a person cooler and brings out the 'bad boy' image, those that girls are crazy over. Wanted to learn pool for a moment there but I realised something underlying this issue. Do we need to impress girls by acting cool?
If you really want a gf, if she really likes you, she will like who you are, not an act cool version of yourself. Girls that come after you be'cose of your looks or money, tell them to f*ck off. What matters most is the inside not the outside...
___________________________________________________________________
Respect. That is what I'm aiming to gain from everyone. I hope everybody will look up to me, in the way I act, the way I excel in all aspects of my life and the way I think. I want the respect of all my peers.
To get respect from them, I should start to build up my character and change the way I act first...
___________________________________________________________________
I'm really bad at maintaining relationships... I swear....
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
Life principles...
I think u had enough on lessons on life philosophy and theory from me... Think to move on to the next part of your lesson=)
For the last 15 to 16 years of your life, you must have been to many places, interacted with different people and experienced various incidents that happened in your life. All these little bits and pieces serve as a lesson to you.
Think deeper, soon you will find that many insignificant things in life are actually capable of teaching things you have never learnt before. Take every day as an adventure, a learning journey for yourself.
It is important that all of us live by a side of life principles. If we just live our lives aimlessly every day, we are just wasting away our life. We only live once, never have regrets... A set of principles will guide us and lead us away from paths that are detrimental to us. Living by your principles, living meaningfully. It will also be a good chance for us to train our self-discipline, to live within the rules that are set by ourselves.
Your life principles are set by yourself. Pick up values that you think is important and will make you a better person in life, add it as a a part of your life principles and live with it.
With a set of life principles, you will find your life becoming more meaningful and you will find yourself becoming a better person, instilled with self-discipline and good set of moral values.
A sneak peek of my life principles/rules:
- Follow my feelings. Not matter what happens, just follow my heart. "Just follow your heart..."
- Do what is important, follow my plan and don't be too easily affected by my peers. " Self control ensure discipline in carrying out tasks..."
- Plan my day, organise my day, with ample time for studying, playing and resting. Ensure that waiting time is minimised and follow the schedule tightly. " Everybody has 24 hours, so do you..."
- Do look out for a gf BUT it does not have to be a priority. Just let it come to me. Gf must have nice/decent personality and so as long we like each other. Looks are not an issue... seriously " Looks are just the surface, what lies inside matters more..."
- Keep my ego down. Be humble, don't show off too much and do not think to highly of myself. "The higher I get, the harder I will fall. Stay humble..."
- Studies are my duty, I must study no matter how much I dislike it. Results should be above average but there is no need to aim to be the best but do not be the worst either. " Studies is my responsibility, not my burden..."
- Results are just a set of numbers that shows my understanding of the subject. No need to get to happy or upset over it. If I failed to reach the target this time, work harder, and I seriously mean WORK HARDER. " Results show everything yet more often than not, nothing..."
- Support structure, as gene suggested. People like encouragement and motivation, nobody likes to get criticized and 'suan-ed'. " Support your friends when they are down and they will support you when you fall..."
- It's okay to be disappointed but never to be upset. Be positive. " Disappointment is unavoidable, being upset is avoidable..."
- Stop lying to myself. Don't give myself false hope nor bluff myself when the truth is already out. " Lie to everybody but never to yourself..."
- Be positive. "Look at things from a different perspective and view a different light..."
Obviously I can't list out all my life principles at one go, there are too many of them. But mostly importantly, bear in mind, follow your heart, trust your feelings. How meaningfully you are going to spend the rest of your life depends on your life principles. Be able to differentiate what is meaningful, important and just for fun.
Take the next 10 minutes, think about how you have been spending the past 15 years of your life.
Have you lived your life to the maximum? Or just barely pass the minimum?
Have you lived within your principles? Or do you even have any?
Have you achieved the true purpose of your life? Or do you not have any?
Have you decided how you are going to spend the rest of your life? Live by your principles.
A person with principles will do the right things.
A person with principles are able to succeed in life.
A person with principles know what they are doing at all times.
A person with principles are well liked, as they are people that are confident and firm, most often than not, have a great personality and moral values.
Living with the right values and life philosophy will make you a better person... Are you willing to be one?
For the last 15 to 16 years of your life, you must have been to many places, interacted with different people and experienced various incidents that happened in your life. All these little bits and pieces serve as a lesson to you.
Think deeper, soon you will find that many insignificant things in life are actually capable of teaching things you have never learnt before. Take every day as an adventure, a learning journey for yourself.
It is important that all of us live by a side of life principles. If we just live our lives aimlessly every day, we are just wasting away our life. We only live once, never have regrets... A set of principles will guide us and lead us away from paths that are detrimental to us. Living by your principles, living meaningfully. It will also be a good chance for us to train our self-discipline, to live within the rules that are set by ourselves.
Your life principles are set by yourself. Pick up values that you think is important and will make you a better person in life, add it as a a part of your life principles and live with it.
With a set of life principles, you will find your life becoming more meaningful and you will find yourself becoming a better person, instilled with self-discipline and good set of moral values.
A sneak peek of my life principles/rules:
- Follow my feelings. Not matter what happens, just follow my heart. "Just follow your heart..."
- Do what is important, follow my plan and don't be too easily affected by my peers. " Self control ensure discipline in carrying out tasks..."
- Plan my day, organise my day, with ample time for studying, playing and resting. Ensure that waiting time is minimised and follow the schedule tightly. " Everybody has 24 hours, so do you..."
- Do look out for a gf BUT it does not have to be a priority. Just let it come to me. Gf must have nice/decent personality and so as long we like each other. Looks are not an issue... seriously " Looks are just the surface, what lies inside matters more..."
- Keep my ego down. Be humble, don't show off too much and do not think to highly of myself. "The higher I get, the harder I will fall. Stay humble..."
- Studies are my duty, I must study no matter how much I dislike it. Results should be above average but there is no need to aim to be the best but do not be the worst either. " Studies is my responsibility, not my burden..."
- Results are just a set of numbers that shows my understanding of the subject. No need to get to happy or upset over it. If I failed to reach the target this time, work harder, and I seriously mean WORK HARDER. " Results show everything yet more often than not, nothing..."
- Support structure, as gene suggested. People like encouragement and motivation, nobody likes to get criticized and 'suan-ed'. " Support your friends when they are down and they will support you when you fall..."
- It's okay to be disappointed but never to be upset. Be positive. " Disappointment is unavoidable, being upset is avoidable..."
- Stop lying to myself. Don't give myself false hope nor bluff myself when the truth is already out. " Lie to everybody but never to yourself..."
- Be positive. "Look at things from a different perspective and view a different light..."
Obviously I can't list out all my life principles at one go, there are too many of them. But mostly importantly, bear in mind, follow your heart, trust your feelings. How meaningfully you are going to spend the rest of your life depends on your life principles. Be able to differentiate what is meaningful, important and just for fun.
Take the next 10 minutes, think about how you have been spending the past 15 years of your life.
Have you lived your life to the maximum? Or just barely pass the minimum?
Have you lived within your principles? Or do you even have any?
Have you achieved the true purpose of your life? Or do you not have any?
Have you decided how you are going to spend the rest of your life? Live by your principles.
A person with principles will do the right things.
A person with principles are able to succeed in life.
A person with principles know what they are doing at all times.
A person with principles are well liked, as they are people that are confident and firm, most often than not, have a great personality and moral values.
Living with the right values and life philosophy will make you a better person... Are you willing to be one?
Sunday, July 18, 2010
Bloody Hell
Today's game against Republic Poly showed me how bloody floorball can get.
Here's what happened:
Adil and the RP player collided.
Adil use his stick to whack the guy's knee when he was walking away.
The RP player got angry and used his stick to whack Adil's head.
Adil immediately collapsed on the ground.
The stick broke (WTH, must have been damn hard... )
We all rushed over to Adil.
Adil still not moving.
The RP guy started shouting at Adil, claiming " He hit me with the stick first."
The ref gave the RP player a red card.
The RP player left the court.
Adil got up and immediately swear-ed at the RP player. ( First time see him so angry...)
The RP player not happy and shouted back.
They almost started a fight.
Both team held both players back.
Our coaches went over to talk to that player.
The RP player scolded vulgarities at the coaches.
Coaches not happy and scolded the player.
The player left.
End of story. Not really actually, the coaches will be writing to the school and SFA to pursue this issue.
Sports, ain't it a just a sport? Do we need to resort to violence to solve frictions that are caused on court? What the guy did today had greatly changed my perspective on sports. When had sports become a platform for violence? Should violence even be condemned on court?
What this guy did may have greatly affected the community's perceptive on floorball. The community will start thinking "Floorball is dangerous, sticks are a form of weapon..." Many people have contributed to build up this sport in Singapore and we are enjoying their fruit of labour. What the player just did may just destroy it all as the community start to lose confidence in this sport due to it's dangers.
I find this player very selfish. His actions may just cause a huge outcry that will affect the entire floorball community. What happens on court stays in court. It was all a form of on court aggression, no violence pls.
Bloody hell...
On the other hand... I finally scored my 1st goal in Div 1!!! Haha!!! Thank Ryan for your 'instinctive pass'. Was an equaliser somemore=) 4-4
Assisted another one which could have been the decisive winner!!! 5-4, but RP scored in the last minute and ended as a draw, 5-5.
Here's what happened:
Adil and the RP player collided.
Adil use his stick to whack the guy's knee when he was walking away.
The RP player got angry and used his stick to whack Adil's head.
Adil immediately collapsed on the ground.
The stick broke (WTH, must have been damn hard... )
We all rushed over to Adil.
Adil still not moving.
The RP guy started shouting at Adil, claiming " He hit me with the stick first."
The ref gave the RP player a red card.
The RP player left the court.
Adil got up and immediately swear-ed at the RP player. ( First time see him so angry...)
The RP player not happy and shouted back.
They almost started a fight.
Both team held both players back.
Our coaches went over to talk to that player.
The RP player scolded vulgarities at the coaches.
Coaches not happy and scolded the player.
The player left.
End of story. Not really actually, the coaches will be writing to the school and SFA to pursue this issue.
Sports, ain't it a just a sport? Do we need to resort to violence to solve frictions that are caused on court? What the guy did today had greatly changed my perspective on sports. When had sports become a platform for violence? Should violence even be condemned on court?
What this guy did may have greatly affected the community's perceptive on floorball. The community will start thinking "Floorball is dangerous, sticks are a form of weapon..." Many people have contributed to build up this sport in Singapore and we are enjoying their fruit of labour. What the player just did may just destroy it all as the community start to lose confidence in this sport due to it's dangers.
I find this player very selfish. His actions may just cause a huge outcry that will affect the entire floorball community. What happens on court stays in court. It was all a form of on court aggression, no violence pls.
Bloody hell...
On the other hand... I finally scored my 1st goal in Div 1!!! Haha!!! Thank Ryan for your 'instinctive pass'. Was an equaliser somemore=) 4-4
Assisted another one which could have been the decisive winner!!! 5-4, but RP scored in the last minute and ended as a draw, 5-5.
Saturday, July 17, 2010
Painful Truth.
It's really painful when there is no one is there walking with you through the hardest phase of your life…
Instead of understanding why I was so tired and fell asleep on Thursday night at 8pm, all they did was to scold me for not any completing work before I slept. Maybe they didn’t know I slept at 12.30 the previous night after 3 hours of vigorous training and had lessons till 5.30 on that day, not surprising, cose they don’t care anything about me, other than my results of course.
They scold me for practicing floorball for 1 hour at my void deck, ‘wasting time’ they claimed.
Can’t they understand the fact that I’m working so hard now is also for my future as well? Why am I having so much commitments, floorball, captaincy, combined schools, national geo project competition, prefect… This is more than I can cope but I’m trying, hanging in there, alone…
Every day I’m so tired, so tired till I can fall asleep once I hit my bed but I never once gave up nor grumble about it.
I really wish to be able to drop all my commitments one day, be a slack school boy that does nothing but to study. Everyday, I can return home straight after school, complete my work and maybe play a few rounds of dota. Eat chips and fast food everyday and heck care about my health and fitness. Be a loner and stick with my family only, like a mammy boy. Grow up and get a high paying office job, buy a house and a car and have a lot of money.
Like that, I can truly fulfill my parents’ wish.
But why should I listen to them, it’s my life. I don’t want to die and having only my family members sending me off, which means that I have no friends, no influence, and no impact on anybody’s life.
I don't want to be like my sis, have no true friends, have no influence or impact in any aspect of her life, simply studying for the certificate which grants her good job prospects in the future.
Can’t they understand why I’m doing so much now? Why? I can simply quit floorball and combined schools, drop out of the geo competition, quit PB, don’t study… I’m doing everything for my future, all my commitments are killing me, but I’m hanging in there, for my future...
Instead of encouraging and caring, all they know to do is to take everything from their perspective, and blame us. They always think that they are right, always thinking that they are adults; that they are more mature than we are.
As a matter of fact, I believe that we have far more mature thinking than our parents already. They thinks that life is all about earning more $ and leading a luxurious life is the greatest pleasure in the world. Childish and narrowed-minded thinking of theirs have brought us up, making us believe the fact that studying hard is our priority in our lives as students, and getting good results means good future job prospects.
If you have been reading my blog, you would have understood by now that life ain’t all about having lots of money and luxuries. Yes, to a certain extent, have enough money to buy a house and a car and to support your family, but NEVER to the full extent. If throughout our lives, we obtain happiness through the comfort of luxuries, we would have wasted our lives as we did not understand the true meaning of happiness…
Happiness is when we do things which we enjoy, passion…
Happiness is when we spend time with our friends and beloved ones…
Happiness is when we help others and receive the ‘thank you’ from them…
Happiness is when we live our lives with a smile…
I often heard grumbles from my parents, stating that they are suffering from stress and oppression from their work. Grumbling that they have to manage the house and work at the same time. Job, is about doing something which you like, something which you enjoy, something that may not pay you a lot but something that brings you happiness every day.
Building up a home, is something we should enjoy; keeping it clean and making it as comfortable as possible, bring out a sense of warmth in the family, shouldn’t it be an enjoyable process? Taking care and loving your beloved ones should never be a burden instead, a duty.
Happiness exist everywhere, is only a matter of how we find it amidst of our daily life. You can smile by telling yourself that the science test is over instead of dreading over the results.
What is the truth purpose of studying? To obtain good results? Or to learn about great things our ancestors have discovered and appreciate the knowledge and wisdom we have learnt? Results are just results, they are plainly a set of numbers that determines our understanding of our various subjects. It seem like even teachers nowdays have forgotten the true vision behind teaching, instead, they are teaching us how to obtain good results instead of learning and understanding the subjects…
Many things in life now days have been twisted off its original purpose, especially in a country like Singapore where meritocracy is present. It is up to us to once again uncover the true meaning behind the many things in life and one thing is for sure, I’m gonna live MY life MY way.
My parents may think that I’m childish, unrealistic but I know that I’m far more mature than they are. I know that I’m far more educated and far more sophisticated than they are. I know that the society out there is very realistic and harsh, but I’m not gonna forgot the true meaning of life just be’cose of that. We all live one life, live it the right way.
Instead of understanding why I was so tired and fell asleep on Thursday night at 8pm, all they did was to scold me for not any completing work before I slept. Maybe they didn’t know I slept at 12.30 the previous night after 3 hours of vigorous training and had lessons till 5.30 on that day, not surprising, cose they don’t care anything about me, other than my results of course.
They scold me for practicing floorball for 1 hour at my void deck, ‘wasting time’ they claimed.
Can’t they understand the fact that I’m working so hard now is also for my future as well? Why am I having so much commitments, floorball, captaincy, combined schools, national geo project competition, prefect… This is more than I can cope but I’m trying, hanging in there, alone…
Every day I’m so tired, so tired till I can fall asleep once I hit my bed but I never once gave up nor grumble about it.
I really wish to be able to drop all my commitments one day, be a slack school boy that does nothing but to study. Everyday, I can return home straight after school, complete my work and maybe play a few rounds of dota. Eat chips and fast food everyday and heck care about my health and fitness. Be a loner and stick with my family only, like a mammy boy. Grow up and get a high paying office job, buy a house and a car and have a lot of money.
Like that, I can truly fulfill my parents’ wish.
But why should I listen to them, it’s my life. I don’t want to die and having only my family members sending me off, which means that I have no friends, no influence, and no impact on anybody’s life.
I don't want to be like my sis, have no true friends, have no influence or impact in any aspect of her life, simply studying for the certificate which grants her good job prospects in the future.
Can’t they understand why I’m doing so much now? Why? I can simply quit floorball and combined schools, drop out of the geo competition, quit PB, don’t study… I’m doing everything for my future, all my commitments are killing me, but I’m hanging in there, for my future...
Instead of encouraging and caring, all they know to do is to take everything from their perspective, and blame us. They always think that they are right, always thinking that they are adults; that they are more mature than we are.
As a matter of fact, I believe that we have far more mature thinking than our parents already. They thinks that life is all about earning more $ and leading a luxurious life is the greatest pleasure in the world. Childish and narrowed-minded thinking of theirs have brought us up, making us believe the fact that studying hard is our priority in our lives as students, and getting good results means good future job prospects.
If you have been reading my blog, you would have understood by now that life ain’t all about having lots of money and luxuries. Yes, to a certain extent, have enough money to buy a house and a car and to support your family, but NEVER to the full extent. If throughout our lives, we obtain happiness through the comfort of luxuries, we would have wasted our lives as we did not understand the true meaning of happiness…
Happiness is when we do things which we enjoy, passion…
Happiness is when we spend time with our friends and beloved ones…
Happiness is when we help others and receive the ‘thank you’ from them…
Happiness is when we live our lives with a smile…
I often heard grumbles from my parents, stating that they are suffering from stress and oppression from their work. Grumbling that they have to manage the house and work at the same time. Job, is about doing something which you like, something which you enjoy, something that may not pay you a lot but something that brings you happiness every day.
Building up a home, is something we should enjoy; keeping it clean and making it as comfortable as possible, bring out a sense of warmth in the family, shouldn’t it be an enjoyable process? Taking care and loving your beloved ones should never be a burden instead, a duty.
Happiness exist everywhere, is only a matter of how we find it amidst of our daily life. You can smile by telling yourself that the science test is over instead of dreading over the results.
What is the truth purpose of studying? To obtain good results? Or to learn about great things our ancestors have discovered and appreciate the knowledge and wisdom we have learnt? Results are just results, they are plainly a set of numbers that determines our understanding of our various subjects. It seem like even teachers nowdays have forgotten the true vision behind teaching, instead, they are teaching us how to obtain good results instead of learning and understanding the subjects…
Many things in life now days have been twisted off its original purpose, especially in a country like Singapore where meritocracy is present. It is up to us to once again uncover the true meaning behind the many things in life and one thing is for sure, I’m gonna live MY life MY way.
My parents may think that I’m childish, unrealistic but I know that I’m far more mature than they are. I know that I’m far more educated and far more sophisticated than they are. I know that the society out there is very realistic and harsh, but I’m not gonna forgot the true meaning of life just be’cose of that. We all live one life, live it the right way.
Friday, July 16, 2010
For a very special fren. Part 2
It's gonna be harder this time =)
To this very special fren:
You are very different, on the inside and on the outside. People who don't know you well enough will not understand what kind of person you are truly are.
You show me how to get on with life. I always thought I was the one that had the most frustrating family issues. You shared a secret with me, one that shocked me real bad. But it thought me something thou, get on with life! No matter what happens, life still goes on...
You shown me how to care for a friend by not caring for them, instead, care for them by helping them. You shown me that I do not need to do things that people appreciate, but things that can help them.
We share so much in common, in fact, too much in common. Floorball, ambitions, family problems, taste for girls, common topics we like to share. We have unknowingly spent so much time together, so much that I can hardly remember all of them. Probably be'cose we have so much in common.
Rmb about #22, Jovlyn? =) The ultimate combination.
Rmb the girl that licked the ball? Yucks.
Rmb "papa whacking your ass" in our sms? Sounds cute.
You taught me too much. On court, off court. You are a great friend. You are my brother=) One that I will never forget for the rest of my life...
Dedicated to Mr Crenshawn Lim...
To this very special fren:
You are very different, on the inside and on the outside. People who don't know you well enough will not understand what kind of person you are truly are.
You show me how to get on with life. I always thought I was the one that had the most frustrating family issues. You shared a secret with me, one that shocked me real bad. But it thought me something thou, get on with life! No matter what happens, life still goes on...
You shown me how to care for a friend by not caring for them, instead, care for them by helping them. You shown me that I do not need to do things that people appreciate, but things that can help them.
We share so much in common, in fact, too much in common. Floorball, ambitions, family problems, taste for girls, common topics we like to share. We have unknowingly spent so much time together, so much that I can hardly remember all of them. Probably be'cose we have so much in common.
Rmb about #22, Jovlyn? =) The ultimate combination.
Rmb the girl that licked the ball? Yucks.
Rmb "papa whacking your ass" in our sms? Sounds cute.
You taught me too much. On court, off court. You are a great friend. You are my brother=) One that I will never forget for the rest of my life...
Dedicated to Mr Crenshawn Lim...
Wednesday, July 14, 2010
For a very special fren.
This is a post for a very special fren:
He is cool. He is funny. He is a friend you would never regret having.
You left me with many thoughts to ponder. You shown me how to be cool even when you are not the coolest among the group. You taught me how to smile when I'm happy and how to emo~ when I'm sad.
You always seem so cool on the outside, funny on the inside.
You showed me how to ignore people and not to get into fights. If I were you that day, I would have definitely confronted that guy and probably get into a fight. You shown me tolerance.
You shown me how to care for a friend. I always wanted to tell you this. I knew you took a long time to decide whether you wanted to give me that present on my birthdae. You had a choice, you could have kept it for yourself, but in the end you still gave it to me. You were reluctant yet you wanted to let me have it. You shown me how to truly love a friend, and to treat them selflessly. In the end, I still returned you the present. Be'cose it was the thought that counts. I'm truly grateful.
You never seem bother about how people view you. You never seem bothered about anything. You live your life carefree, hardly breaking a sweat for anything. You love to 'suan' people, but never went over the line.
You love to have fun, so much fun that the people around you could feel it too.
He is Mr. Isaac Chee Hao Zhe~
He is cool. He is funny. He is a friend you would never regret having.
You left me with many thoughts to ponder. You shown me how to be cool even when you are not the coolest among the group. You taught me how to smile when I'm happy and how to emo~ when I'm sad.
You always seem so cool on the outside, funny on the inside.
You showed me how to ignore people and not to get into fights. If I were you that day, I would have definitely confronted that guy and probably get into a fight. You shown me tolerance.
You shown me how to care for a friend. I always wanted to tell you this. I knew you took a long time to decide whether you wanted to give me that present on my birthdae. You had a choice, you could have kept it for yourself, but in the end you still gave it to me. You were reluctant yet you wanted to let me have it. You shown me how to truly love a friend, and to treat them selflessly. In the end, I still returned you the present. Be'cose it was the thought that counts. I'm truly grateful.
You never seem bother about how people view you. You never seem bothered about anything. You live your life carefree, hardly breaking a sweat for anything. You love to 'suan' people, but never went over the line.
You love to have fun, so much fun that the people around you could feel it too.
He is Mr. Isaac Chee Hao Zhe~
It was all a dream.
It was all a dream. It took me this long to realise that.
I lied to myself. I told myself over and over again " Not to give up. If there is hope, there will be miracles..." Miracles don't exist in this world.
3 times, and all 3 times I failed. That is more than enough for me. It all ends here.
Do you know how it feels when you tried so hard and yet you still fail? It's much more painful compared to you not trying as hard but still failed in the end.
Why bother so much when nobody appreciates what you have done? Why even bother...
Maybe when I go to a JC, I will go back to individual sports. It much easier that way...
I lied to myself. I told myself over and over again " Not to give up. If there is hope, there will be miracles..." Miracles don't exist in this world.
3 times, and all 3 times I failed. That is more than enough for me. It all ends here.
Do you know how it feels when you tried so hard and yet you still fail? It's much more painful compared to you not trying as hard but still failed in the end.
Why bother so much when nobody appreciates what you have done? Why even bother...
Maybe when I go to a JC, I will go back to individual sports. It much easier that way...
Monday, July 12, 2010
Lying
All of us lied. We all lie. I swear... I'm not against lying but one thing is for sure, I can't stand lying to myself...
All of us lie countless of times to ourselves everyday.
You often find you telling yourself, "O.o, now is 11.00! The lesson is gonna end 30 minutes! " Truth is, the lesson only started for 15 minutes...
You hate to know the cold hard truth that your torturing Chinese lesson has only lasted 15 for minutes and you still have 30 more minutes of hell. You know it, life is great but reality is harsh. Many things in life ain't the way we wanted it to be. The solution? We lie. We lie to people, we lie to our friends, we lie.. to ourselves unconsciously as well...
When the cold hard truth come smashing into your face, you are tempted to dodge it. And you lie to yourself.
*Not targeted at Seh Hian.
You confess to a girl. She gave you an uncertain answer. Half yes, half no. You go back home and started thinking, so yes or no? Maybe in your heart you long already knew the answer, you saw the way she shrugged away when you sat closer to her. You saw her fake smile when you greeted her. You know it, she doesn't like you. But you wanted to avoid the cold hard truth from smashing straight into your face. SO, you lie, to yourself. You tell yourself, O.o maybe she is impressed with my confession. Maybe the 50-50, might just end up the way I wanted it to be.
Ryan may be saying that he is not short, he says that he had late puberty, that's all. Truth is, right now, at this point of time, he IS short. The truth lies right in front of him but he chooses to ignore it. ( That did not happen btw, just using it as an eg. He admitted his short. Good one!)
Cowardliness. That is what I my view of people that like to avoid facing the truth. This people are just to timid to face the harsh reality. Many times in life, everything around us is great. We all lead great lives, living in comfort. So comfortable, that one day when the cold hard reality comes crushing on you, all you did was to hide under the blanket of yours.
Take it in your stride. Take the blows from the cold and harsh truth that is placed in front of you. There is no way to avoid it, you only trying to delay it.
That is great difference between being positive and lying to yourself. Being positive is being open-minded, carefree when you did not know what the result is. Lying to yourself is you trying to be positive when you already knew the answer.
You can be positive before you get your test result but once you realise that you failed, if you are still smiling and jumping around, telling yourself that the test was hard, wasn't really your fault, that's lying to yourself.
Learn to accept the inevitable cold and hard truth even if you might not like it. Nobody likes it anw.
"Only by learning to accept, then can you learn. lLearn something that you will never learn if you choose to avoid the truth."
Life is great, reality is harsh. We all know it. Now, learn to accept it.
All of us lie countless of times to ourselves everyday.
You often find you telling yourself, "O.o, now is 11.00! The lesson is gonna end 30 minutes! " Truth is, the lesson only started for 15 minutes...
You hate to know the cold hard truth that your torturing Chinese lesson has only lasted 15 for minutes and you still have 30 more minutes of hell. You know it, life is great but reality is harsh. Many things in life ain't the way we wanted it to be. The solution? We lie. We lie to people, we lie to our friends, we lie.. to ourselves unconsciously as well...
When the cold hard truth come smashing into your face, you are tempted to dodge it. And you lie to yourself.
*Not targeted at Seh Hian.
You confess to a girl. She gave you an uncertain answer. Half yes, half no. You go back home and started thinking, so yes or no? Maybe in your heart you long already knew the answer, you saw the way she shrugged away when you sat closer to her. You saw her fake smile when you greeted her. You know it, she doesn't like you. But you wanted to avoid the cold hard truth from smashing straight into your face. SO, you lie, to yourself. You tell yourself, O.o maybe she is impressed with my confession. Maybe the 50-50, might just end up the way I wanted it to be.
Ryan may be saying that he is not short, he says that he had late puberty, that's all. Truth is, right now, at this point of time, he IS short. The truth lies right in front of him but he chooses to ignore it. ( That did not happen btw, just using it as an eg. He admitted his short. Good one!)
Cowardliness. That is what I my view of people that like to avoid facing the truth. This people are just to timid to face the harsh reality. Many times in life, everything around us is great. We all lead great lives, living in comfort. So comfortable, that one day when the cold hard reality comes crushing on you, all you did was to hide under the blanket of yours.
Take it in your stride. Take the blows from the cold and harsh truth that is placed in front of you. There is no way to avoid it, you only trying to delay it.
That is great difference between being positive and lying to yourself. Being positive is being open-minded, carefree when you did not know what the result is. Lying to yourself is you trying to be positive when you already knew the answer.
You can be positive before you get your test result but once you realise that you failed, if you are still smiling and jumping around, telling yourself that the test was hard, wasn't really your fault, that's lying to yourself.
Learn to accept the inevitable cold and hard truth even if you might not like it. Nobody likes it anw.
"Only by learning to accept, then can you learn. lLearn something that you will never learn if you choose to avoid the truth."
Life is great, reality is harsh. We all know it. Now, learn to accept it.
Sunday, July 11, 2010
Music~
Yo, decided to post on music this time round.
Most of you might already know, my music is K-POP. Nothing else seem to interest me. The beauty of k-pop has deeply catch my heart with all its addictive beats and lyrics. Following the Korean Wave (a surge of wide spread of korean culture over the world), many idol groups have emerge from the K-pop industry into world-known artist as it gather many fans overseas.
Current Favourite Group:
Male- SS501. My favourite boy band. Although I knew little about its member and history as compared to SNSD, it's addictive songs have caught my heart. SS501 FTW!
Female- Of course it had to be SNSD!!! Jessica FTW!!! Okay back to the topic, SNSD became my No. 1 favourite girl band not be'cose every else is supporting SNSD but be'cose SNSD has shown me what a true team spirit is. It's my motivation in leading the team and they have shown me important things of what a team should be like. Futhermore, SNSD songs are pretty nice, with serveral strong voices among them.
Below is the Top '20' for my favourite songs:
1) Love Ya- SS501. The first few time I heard this song, I thought that it was so-so only and was pretty disappointed as it was from SS501. I expected more. But after hearing it a few more times, I started to realise how beautiful this song was. The beat and tempo was intensive, the voices were powerful, the chorus was addictive. Everytime I hear this song, it brings out my emotions and gets me all fired up. It is seriously one the best songs I ever heard in k-pop.
2) Bonamana- Super Junior. Ranked at No.2, nice rythmn and beat. And, the song for the team dance. When the dance steps start to form in your mind evertime this song plays, this song certainly derserve nothing less than a 2nd place in the chart.
3) NU ABO- f(x). Firstly, the song is very unique and you often will find yourself humming the lyrics unconsciously. And, the girls are so hot~ Esp Krystal~ Cose she is Jessica's sister.
4) Oh- SNSD. This song is very nice to listen and is very unique. Obivously I can't let my beloved SNSD be anywhere below top 5~
5) CABI song- SNSD + 2pm. The lyrics are nice, with many strong voices in the song.
6) Suspicious man- Lee Jung Hyun. This song is special. It's like a mixture of J-pop and k-pop. Very nice song.
7) Bang!- After School. Typical K-pop, slightly rock but still considered as pop. Chorus is nice.
8) Run Devil Run- SNSD. Interesting beat and beautiful voices. Sica~
9) Love doesn't wait- Raina(Orange Caramel). Beautiful voice, superb chorus!
10) Gee- SNSD. A beautiful song with a perfect beat. Plus, I know the dance so it's nicer.
11) Chitty Chitty Bang Bang- Hyori. Very unique song, has the 'rock' element but still very pleasant to hear.
12) Tell Me- Wonder Girls. Tell me, Tell me, te te te te te tell me~
13) Dropping Rain- Kim Tae Woo. A male artist which isn't really famous but Nigel follows his song so I'm listening to his song as well. Very strong voice and beautiful lyrics... Yuri's boyfriend huh~
14) U R Man- SS501. Was on the top of the chart serveral weeks back~ Still very addictive and amazing tempo it has. The chorus never seem to ends.
15) Tell me your wish- SNSD. The song just never seem to be able to escape from my Top '20'. beautiful lyrics and beat I must say.
Now for the last 5,
16) Merry Go Round- Jinsung. Love the chorus and he got a good voice.
17) Crazy for you- SS501. A slightly less addictive SS5o1 song but still it is rather nice.
18) Love Story- Rain. Nice voice but I think the song is too boring maybe that is why it is at the bottom of the list.
19) Star Star Star- SNSD. Nice to listen when you are emo or want a slow song. Beautiful voices inside but often skip this song cose it is way too slow. One moment I'm listening to Bonamana, then the tempo drop like 3 times when it comes to this song?!?
20) Lupin- Kara. Maybe I heard it so many times that it doesn't appeal to me anymore. Edged out Sunny's Finally Now to secure last place.
That's my Top '20'. If you have similar taste for K-pop, might want to try out some of this songs.
* WAAA, 2morow morning assembly I will be going to give a speech to invite those China students coming immersion!!! So scared now. The thought of it makes my hand sweat~
BUT~ I don't think it will be a big fuss anyway. Pretty short speech and quickly forgotten I think. Even if I screw up nobody will care~ C'mon Darrell, have faith in your speaking ability. I thought that was one of my strength!!!
So confident in front of the team then go on stage jelly legs meh? It will be over very soon. Nothing to be afraid. Be brave Darrell! Be confident.
-One quick tip when speaking in front of a large crowd: Don't wear your glasses. This way, you can't see the negative faces your listeners are giving you and that should make you more confident=)
Darrell Hwaiting!!!!!!!!!! ARHHHHHHH!!!!! Spain gogogo!!!! Darrell also gogogo. Honestly, still sibei scared. Aeeeh!
Most of you might already know, my music is K-POP. Nothing else seem to interest me. The beauty of k-pop has deeply catch my heart with all its addictive beats and lyrics. Following the Korean Wave (a surge of wide spread of korean culture over the world), many idol groups have emerge from the K-pop industry into world-known artist as it gather many fans overseas.
Current Favourite Group:
Male- SS501. My favourite boy band. Although I knew little about its member and history as compared to SNSD, it's addictive songs have caught my heart. SS501 FTW!
Female- Of course it had to be SNSD!!! Jessica FTW!!! Okay back to the topic, SNSD became my No. 1 favourite girl band not be'cose every else is supporting SNSD but be'cose SNSD has shown me what a true team spirit is. It's my motivation in leading the team and they have shown me important things of what a team should be like. Futhermore, SNSD songs are pretty nice, with serveral strong voices among them.
Below is the Top '20' for my favourite songs:
1) Love Ya- SS501. The first few time I heard this song, I thought that it was so-so only and was pretty disappointed as it was from SS501. I expected more. But after hearing it a few more times, I started to realise how beautiful this song was. The beat and tempo was intensive, the voices were powerful, the chorus was addictive. Everytime I hear this song, it brings out my emotions and gets me all fired up. It is seriously one the best songs I ever heard in k-pop.
2) Bonamana- Super Junior. Ranked at No.2, nice rythmn and beat. And, the song for the team dance. When the dance steps start to form in your mind evertime this song plays, this song certainly derserve nothing less than a 2nd place in the chart.
3) NU ABO- f(x). Firstly, the song is very unique and you often will find yourself humming the lyrics unconsciously. And, the girls are so hot~ Esp Krystal~ Cose she is Jessica's sister.
4) Oh- SNSD. This song is very nice to listen and is very unique. Obivously I can't let my beloved SNSD be anywhere below top 5~
5) CABI song- SNSD + 2pm. The lyrics are nice, with many strong voices in the song.
6) Suspicious man- Lee Jung Hyun. This song is special. It's like a mixture of J-pop and k-pop. Very nice song.
7) Bang!- After School. Typical K-pop, slightly rock but still considered as pop. Chorus is nice.
8) Run Devil Run- SNSD. Interesting beat and beautiful voices. Sica~
9) Love doesn't wait- Raina(Orange Caramel). Beautiful voice, superb chorus!
10) Gee- SNSD. A beautiful song with a perfect beat. Plus, I know the dance so it's nicer.
11) Chitty Chitty Bang Bang- Hyori. Very unique song, has the 'rock' element but still very pleasant to hear.
12) Tell Me- Wonder Girls. Tell me, Tell me, te te te te te tell me~
13) Dropping Rain- Kim Tae Woo. A male artist which isn't really famous but Nigel follows his song so I'm listening to his song as well. Very strong voice and beautiful lyrics... Yuri's boyfriend huh~
14) U R Man- SS501. Was on the top of the chart serveral weeks back~ Still very addictive and amazing tempo it has. The chorus never seem to ends.
15) Tell me your wish- SNSD. The song just never seem to be able to escape from my Top '20'. beautiful lyrics and beat I must say.
Now for the last 5,
16) Merry Go Round- Jinsung. Love the chorus and he got a good voice.
17) Crazy for you- SS501. A slightly less addictive SS5o1 song but still it is rather nice.
18) Love Story- Rain. Nice voice but I think the song is too boring maybe that is why it is at the bottom of the list.
19) Star Star Star- SNSD. Nice to listen when you are emo or want a slow song. Beautiful voices inside but often skip this song cose it is way too slow. One moment I'm listening to Bonamana, then the tempo drop like 3 times when it comes to this song?!?
20) Lupin- Kara. Maybe I heard it so many times that it doesn't appeal to me anymore. Edged out Sunny's Finally Now to secure last place.
That's my Top '20'. If you have similar taste for K-pop, might want to try out some of this songs.
* WAAA, 2morow morning assembly I will be going to give a speech to invite those China students coming immersion!!! So scared now. The thought of it makes my hand sweat~
BUT~ I don't think it will be a big fuss anyway. Pretty short speech and quickly forgotten I think. Even if I screw up nobody will care~ C'mon Darrell, have faith in your speaking ability. I thought that was one of my strength!!!
So confident in front of the team then go on stage jelly legs meh? It will be over very soon. Nothing to be afraid. Be brave Darrell! Be confident.
-One quick tip when speaking in front of a large crowd: Don't wear your glasses. This way, you can't see the negative faces your listeners are giving you and that should make you more confident=)
Darrell Hwaiting!!!!!!!!!! ARHHHHHHH!!!!! Spain gogogo!!!! Darrell also gogogo. Honestly, still sibei scared. Aeeeh!
Confused
Right now, I feel so confused. Unsure of what I'm doing.
Seem like I got myself so tired till I can't think properly anymore. I don't know what I'm doing right now. So many things came rushing to my mind over the last few days, one thought too many.
~ Yea, had a game against Parisian yesterday and played Nhac Tre this morning. Was captain for today. As a matter of fact, I was damn surprised. But wasn't really much, just did the routine. Say a few words before the cheer and thanked the opponent at the end of the game. Easy~
I'm really damn tired right now. Can't think. I still have a bunch hw and things to attend to. Really have to get a grip on myself. And need time think over some stuffs. Life is in a mess right now.
Confused.
Unsure over my life resolution.
Unsure over my emotions.
Unsure of what I'm doing.
Unsure of what I should be doing.
Unsure about myself.
Confused.
Seem like I got myself so tired till I can't think properly anymore. I don't know what I'm doing right now. So many things came rushing to my mind over the last few days, one thought too many.
~ Yea, had a game against Parisian yesterday and played Nhac Tre this morning. Was captain for today. As a matter of fact, I was damn surprised. But wasn't really much, just did the routine. Say a few words before the cheer and thanked the opponent at the end of the game. Easy~
I'm really damn tired right now. Can't think. I still have a bunch hw and things to attend to. Really have to get a grip on myself. And need time think over some stuffs. Life is in a mess right now.
Confused.
Unsure over my life resolution.
Unsure over my emotions.
Unsure of what I'm doing.
Unsure of what I should be doing.
Unsure about myself.
Confused.
Monday, July 5, 2010
4/7/10
4/7/10 Sunday
Went to J8 to have breakfast before the few of us went to Bishan library to do the geo project.Didn't really do much, more of helping Nigel to create his new blog. www.w8ing-4u.blogspot.com
After we planned out what we wanted to do, we were each assigned various task to be completed on our own.
After we planned out what we wanted to do, we were each assigned various task to be completed on our own.
Went to lunch with Nigel and Bei er after that.
Met Cren at Khatib Mrt and travelled to Bishan.Took a ride in Joshua's dad car to clementi sports hall.
Played against Zarf today. They were damn good. 27-2. Worst defeat in my life~
Played against Zarf today. They were damn good. 27-2. Worst defeat in my life~
Recognised some of them. Some were Yokohama, quite a few were national players. They were really damn good. Really derserve to be claimed as the best team in Div 1 this year.
Learnt a lot from this game, was really happy to play against such a good team. 27-2, they derserve that, they played really well.
Went for dinner with Cren, Joshua and Ryan at KFC after the game.
Took bus back with them as well. On the bus, we had a lot of dicussion, on how each of us could have done better in the game, identifying each other's mistake, correcting them and giving suggestions.
If only the whole team can do that after every training, we will defintely be able to improve very quickly.
It is rather clear by now, those that have been consistently putting in effort, in school training and training by themselves, they are already far ahead of the rest. Really, "The amount of effort you put in decides the player you are today."
Will not be posting in the near future, no computer to use anymore~
Will not be posting in the near future, no computer to use anymore~
Darrell Hwaiting~
Sunday, July 4, 2010
K.Sr
I have finally came to a decision. Even god was on my side this time. I've finally mustered enough courage to look at the results...
No girls should ever make me crazy over her. Only you did.
But~ A winner, never loses...
No girls should ever make me crazy over her. Only you did.
But~ A winner, never loses...
Idiots
Parents...
They are just a bunch of idiots that do not kow how to care and how to love their child. Their narrowed minded thinking that studies is everything, is retarded. They do not know how to care, or how to love. All they did was to suspect and blame me for everything that went wrong...
Today shall be the last day I will smile when I'm with my family. From now onwards , I will be cold towards them. If they don't talk to me, I wouldn't talk to them if they isn't a need to. If they want an answer, it will be a sentence long at most. I can't face them anymore, they are getting more and more ridiculous and overboarded. Anything about me is none of their business anymore. I will not respect or treat them as my parents, as they did not treat me as their son as well.
Everything stops here. I wanted to build up a good relationship with you guys but you said something you should have never said. You siad it out, your words from your mouth. It was painful but it shall be the last time. You said it out, you lose your son, I'm sorry.
When I grow up, I'm going to treat you the way you have treated me. You may still be able to control me now but I'll be free soon, once I grow older. I had enough.
I did not make this decision myself, you forced me to. You may say I'm getting too emotional or too sensitive but what you had said had hurt me deeply.
You caused it, you brought it upon yourself. What I'm doing now is just in order to protect myself, to prevent myself from getting hurt again. I've already lied to myself countless of times, always blaming myself, always thinking that it was all my fault. Time to put an end to it. It was all lie. The problem lies with you, not me.
What you have done to me, it is time for me to pay back. Not now maybe, but eventually.
You people don't deserve to be my parents anymore. If oneday you are going to ask me why I've suddenly became so cold, I'm going to say back what you said to me in your face. " What you have done, you know it yourself."
The computer spoilt because the graphic card was faulty, not be'cose of my games. I've never touched it for 5 months already... What did I do? I know it myself? _l_
Friends, they are the ones I have left. But no matter what I wouldn't fall, I'm Darrell remember?
I will not get tricked by you people again, cose in the end I will only get hurt more deeply. You did not trust me, you even suspected me, you don't deserve to be my parents anymore. I kindly suggested a solution, you turned it into an excuse against me. I had enough, seriously.
Family? Give me enough $ and I swear I will move out of here.
Home? It's just a house.
Love? Don't exist here.
Trust? Everything I say is a lie.
Parents? I don't have any.
They are just a bunch of idiots that do not kow how to care and how to love their child. Their narrowed minded thinking that studies is everything, is retarded. They do not know how to care, or how to love. All they did was to suspect and blame me for everything that went wrong...
Today shall be the last day I will smile when I'm with my family. From now onwards , I will be cold towards them. If they don't talk to me, I wouldn't talk to them if they isn't a need to. If they want an answer, it will be a sentence long at most. I can't face them anymore, they are getting more and more ridiculous and overboarded. Anything about me is none of their business anymore. I will not respect or treat them as my parents, as they did not treat me as their son as well.
Everything stops here. I wanted to build up a good relationship with you guys but you said something you should have never said. You siad it out, your words from your mouth. It was painful but it shall be the last time. You said it out, you lose your son, I'm sorry.
When I grow up, I'm going to treat you the way you have treated me. You may still be able to control me now but I'll be free soon, once I grow older. I had enough.
I did not make this decision myself, you forced me to. You may say I'm getting too emotional or too sensitive but what you had said had hurt me deeply.
You caused it, you brought it upon yourself. What I'm doing now is just in order to protect myself, to prevent myself from getting hurt again. I've already lied to myself countless of times, always blaming myself, always thinking that it was all my fault. Time to put an end to it. It was all lie. The problem lies with you, not me.
What you have done to me, it is time for me to pay back. Not now maybe, but eventually.
You people don't deserve to be my parents anymore. If oneday you are going to ask me why I've suddenly became so cold, I'm going to say back what you said to me in your face. " What you have done, you know it yourself."
The computer spoilt because the graphic card was faulty, not be'cose of my games. I've never touched it for 5 months already... What did I do? I know it myself? _l_
Friends, they are the ones I have left. But no matter what I wouldn't fall, I'm Darrell remember?
I will not get tricked by you people again, cose in the end I will only get hurt more deeply. You did not trust me, you even suspected me, you don't deserve to be my parents anymore. I kindly suggested a solution, you turned it into an excuse against me. I had enough, seriously.
Family? Give me enough $ and I swear I will move out of here.
Home? It's just a house.
Love? Don't exist here.
Trust? Everything I say is a lie.
Parents? I don't have any.
Friday, July 2, 2010
To go, or not to?
2/7/10 Friday
School as usual.
Totally had no mood to study for today luh~ Distracted by, I duno what. Just couldn't concentrate. School finally ended at 2.45 after math remedial, which I totally dun understand. WTH is bionomial?
Went back home with Derek. Had a ~LONG~ dicussion whether to or whether not to, ask her out.
Conclusion:
1) If you like a girl a lot, don't approach her. WHY? Cose once you get to know her better and know her flaws, she wouldn't be as perfect as you think. Right now, she seem so perfect to me. Everything about her is perfect but once I get to know her, I think things are gonna change.
2) If I seriously like her, I should go after her. WHY? Cose it will be a wonderful experience to be in love~ Ask Derek.
3) I shouldn't go after her. WHY? Cose I may get rejected. Until this point in life, I never got rejected in my life. As in if I wanted to get something, I always got it. I'm a winner rmb? Hehe, can't stand rejections~
4) I shouldn't go after her. WHY~ Cose I got no time!!! 3 days of school's training every week, 1 day of combined school, sunday got game. So basically I got 5 days of floorball. Plus, just qualified for a geo competition finals. Grand prize is 3k. WOW. But will definitely keep me busy like shyt. And, I still have to study.
So, 5 days of floorball, at least 3 days of GEO competition and 2 days to study. 10 days a week? If I were to add 4 more days for dating? 14 days a week? So I can have 48 hours instead of 24? Haiz...
Me and my doggy~
To go or not to go after her? Let god decide then. Heads, go. Tails, forget it. I've already flipped the coin but I haven looked at the result yet. It's under my keyboard. Seem like I have to wait till I'm ready.
Heads or tails?
School as usual.
Totally had no mood to study for today luh~ Distracted by, I duno what. Just couldn't concentrate. School finally ended at 2.45 after math remedial, which I totally dun understand. WTH is bionomial?
Went back home with Derek. Had a ~LONG~ dicussion whether to or whether not to, ask her out.
Conclusion:
1) If you like a girl a lot, don't approach her. WHY? Cose once you get to know her better and know her flaws, she wouldn't be as perfect as you think. Right now, she seem so perfect to me. Everything about her is perfect but once I get to know her, I think things are gonna change.
2) If I seriously like her, I should go after her. WHY? Cose it will be a wonderful experience to be in love~ Ask Derek.
3) I shouldn't go after her. WHY? Cose I may get rejected. Until this point in life, I never got rejected in my life. As in if I wanted to get something, I always got it. I'm a winner rmb? Hehe, can't stand rejections~
4) I shouldn't go after her. WHY~ Cose I got no time!!! 3 days of school's training every week, 1 day of combined school, sunday got game. So basically I got 5 days of floorball. Plus, just qualified for a geo competition finals. Grand prize is 3k. WOW. But will definitely keep me busy like shyt. And, I still have to study.
So, 5 days of floorball, at least 3 days of GEO competition and 2 days to study. 10 days a week? If I were to add 4 more days for dating? 14 days a week? So I can have 48 hours instead of 24? Haiz...
Me and my doggy~To go or not to go after her? Let god decide then. Heads, go. Tails, forget it. I've already flipped the coin but I haven looked at the result yet. It's under my keyboard. Seem like I have to wait till I'm ready.
Heads or tails?
Thursday, July 1, 2010
Sweetest day I ever had~
1/7/10 Thursday
Today started off super well for me=) Had a super sweet dream, one that I haven had for a very long time. The content... will not be disclosed. So, the dream was so sweet till I did not want to wake up, and in the end, I WOKE UP LATE! If I have these sweets dream ever day, I swear I'll get diabetes. Rushed to school. Did prefect duty at level 5.
Wow, today's assembly was super long. Firstly, the NCC thingy, plus failed flag raising, chinese competition presentation which I think nobody really bothered, and hair check.
Check this out, our school's duck fell into the pond! LOL.
Had lessons till 3.30, came back home straight away. Practise a bit of floorball but was careful not to over-strain my injured knee. Was really very happy today, the sweet dream that I had totally brightened up my day. Thursday was suppose to be the day that I hate most as lessons were until 3.30, but today was totally different. SwEEt~
Really looking forward to see you oneday~
Today started off super well for me=) Had a super sweet dream, one that I haven had for a very long time. The content... will not be disclosed. So, the dream was so sweet till I did not want to wake up, and in the end, I WOKE UP LATE! If I have these sweets dream ever day, I swear I'll get diabetes. Rushed to school. Did prefect duty at level 5.
Wow, today's assembly was super long. Firstly, the NCC thingy, plus failed flag raising, chinese competition presentation which I think nobody really bothered, and hair check.
Check this out, our school's duck fell into the pond! LOL.
Had lessons till 3.30, came back home straight away. Practise a bit of floorball but was careful not to over-strain my injured knee. Was really very happy today, the sweet dream that I had totally brightened up my day. Thursday was suppose to be the day that I hate most as lessons were until 3.30, but today was totally different. SwEEt~
Really looking forward to see you oneday~
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