Thursday, February 24, 2011

NEW BLOG!

HEY, CHECK OUT MY NEW BLOG! www.darrell21.tumblr.com

Relink ty!

Erm, just wanna try tumblr since it looks more fun than blogger. Will still be posting regularly so do visit the new blog!

Tuesday, February 22, 2011

!!!

I'm under immense stress from my life! So gonna break down.

Stress over? I also dunno.

Hmmn, 7-1. Decent scoreline, scored 1. Okay, just to clarify, I really did touch the ball but it did not go the way I intended it to go only. In other words, I missed the ball totally but it still went in the direction of the goal and the keeper fumbled and TADA, that was how the goal was scored.

Hmmn, just have to beat Bedok Town 2 days from now to top the group. VS, BS, Northbrooks. Can't believe everything is laid right in front of us, the path to Top 4 is right in front of our eyes. The path that will lead us to what we have been longing for, Top 4. Everything is set in place now. All that is left is for us to win the games that we need to win. Simple and easy. Top 4 is finally within our grasp, not a dream anymore.

Regardless of how much i want to get Top 4, there is still a little struggle in me cose... I know once the season is over the few of us might not be as close as we are now. Or will we not? Anyway, the celebration when we get Top 4 is so short. Rather it be like now...

But

But when I decided to send you a message, I changed my mind. Cose no matter how much I try to convince myself, I know it is impossible between us.

When I was about to land my hands on the keyboard to write something in the message, I could not think of anything to write, cose... we got really nothing in common.

Time to stop dreaming... haiz

It's time..

Guess it's time for me to make the first step...

Sunday, February 20, 2011

Giving up

Sometimes it is just so easy to give up and let it all go but when we look back, we realised that we should have hang on.

So darn stressed up right now.

I can just think that prelim 1 is just a short 45min test and not mug but I know this results might be important for dsa.

Haiz, already coming to the end of the weekend and I can't even decide whether I want to study anot. Worse still, whether I can study anot... Just can't seem to concentrate when I sit down and just can seem to do any work.

Sometimes, I seriously hate myself.

Feel like crying now. Maybe I will. Think I will, just to relieve stress.

FML.

Tuesday, February 15, 2011

Memories







Some memories are just too precious...

Me

Sometimes I really find myself to be someone I have yet to understand very well. Inside my mind is just like a maze, one that I've yet to solve. At many points in my life, I have surprised myself by doing something that I've never dreamt that I could do. Alternatively, I find myself unable to certain stuffs no matter how hard I try.

It really makes me wonder what kind of being I am. What things that lie in me have I not found out yet? That is why I like saying ' Never underestimate yourself', because too many times I've proven myself wrong.

And many times I do not understand myself, could not understand why I'm feeling emotions that I could not even comprehend. For example, everytime I watch certain k-pop MVs or related programme, it will get be all stirred up just by imagining the competitiveness that is present between all the idol group in korea. There just seem to be a burning fire inside me that will ignite and get me all fired up just to think of all the hard work those groups put in just to make their group become even better, become even more successful. I really don't know how to explain it in words but that is the kind of feeling I get sometimes.

I always thought I knew inside out what kind of person I am but I'm wrong I guess cose I don't think I know myself well enough yet.

Haiz East View 2morow. This B div will be a very memorable one for me. Just hope that this season will be one that is worth remembering, one that ends in victory. Cose I don't want to have any regrets in the future.

Sunday, February 13, 2011

Unprepared

2011 has been a really tough one for me, so many things have happened in this short 1 and half months. Some many things out there for me to realize, so many things that I got to accept regardless of what.

It did seem to me that I have learnt an invaluable lesson in APAC. It got me to realise that I'm not as good as I thought I was. Maybe I was better than many in the past but reality is harsh, now's the other way round. I just got to accept humbly that I'm no longer THAT good. I didn't deprove but its just that the rest are improving much faster than I am. I used to think that all the Div 1 games, CS trainings and my personal trainings on my own would be more than enough to put me above the rest but it apparently wasn't true. All this thoughts that I was BETTER made me lazy and I slacked off. I did not train on my own as I used to do and I did not take all the trainings as seriously as I did before plainly because I thought I was superior. But now facts have changed and it is no longer a matter of confidence in my skills or anything, it is just that I got nothing to show at all. It is not that I could show my skills because I'm lacking in confidence, it is because I got nothing in my pocket at all.

Humble. This is a word that I've learnt, a word which I now fully understand what it means. If an athlete isn't humble enough, he will not be able to learn as much as he use to.

Was chatting with Yuha yesterday when the 4 of us went to watch the conference games. He was telling us why the Finish were all so damn good in floorball and the conclusion was: Hard work. All the players trained since young and all train very hard to achieve the skill they have. There is no shortcut to success. No champion is born overnight.

“The secret behind success is hard work.” This is the phrase that I’ve learnt in the past 1 and half months. It’s time I learn to be humble and work towards my goals. It is quite distinct to me that I’m improving at a slower rate as compared to the past. No room for slacking, no room for arrogance. It’s time I push myself down all the way down to the bottom and start from scratch. Train like how I train in the past, learning and picking up skills from every player that I see. Train on my own and try to decipher the theory behind his technique. Haha, it really makes me laugh at how I used to train… But I guess it did work pretty well for me.

Time to forget that I’m a CS player, that I went to APAC, that I used to be the MVP. Back to being a floorballer with no recognitions or achievements. Guess I can learn better since I will not look down on any players and therefore allow me to absorb as much as I can from him=) I used to take Ryan’s comments offensively and take it that he is trying to put me down but I no longer take it the same way anymore. Now I just listen and absorb what he got to say and try to improvise on what he thinks I’m weak at. Even though it is really hard to take his comments as all his comments will just come straight in the face without a trace of lenience, I guess I just have to accept them. Sometimes it is good to learn to accept reality even though it’s harsh.

B div currently ongoing. No chance from errors. Can’t be a ‘burden’ to the team like cren always used to say… he still says it now though. Everybody worked hard for this and I really want it to end in victory. If we qualify for Top 8, which we will, either way getting 1st or 2nd in the group, we will still meet either BM or VS. But getting 1st in the group will allow us to get Top 4 easier of course. Getting Top 4 is really something that I want badly.

Prelim 1 is freaking screwed. Totally didn’t study during this weekend. I can either: Decide that I’m really screwed and there is no point in studying OR try my best not to screw up so badly. Guess I will take the 2nd option… Really want to do better in my studies but I guess the past 1 and half months didn’t really allow me much time to mug properly.

Just got to accept life and keep pushing myself. Top 4 is my utmost priority now but that doesn’t even me a reason to neglect my studies. Guess I just have to accept the fact that I’m going to do really badly for Prelim 1 before it even starts.

Used to have 4 dreams for my future but I guess I will just reduce to 2 now. Realize that it is almost impossible to fulfill all 4 though I really want to. Got to be more realistic.

Hwaiting Darrell!

Friday, February 4, 2011

Arrr

Gosh, need to wake up so early 2morow...

Tuesday, February 1, 2011

Sick

Really sucks to be sick right before cny... Haiz, and had to miss training.

Will post about Perth if i'm free and have the mood to do so.

Monday, January 24, 2011

Off to Australia~

Bye ppl! Don't miss me too much=)

A journey to let myself be more calm, composed and collected=)

Sunday, January 23, 2011

~

Need to be more dangerous on court...
And I shall prove it to everybody, including myself...

Bleez

Decided to blog again since I wouldn't be able to do it anytime soon.

Hmmn, recall Cren saying that I'm too 'expressive' on court. Maybe I should change. Must learn to control myself even though I'm not really stirred either >.< cool=")">

Oya, went queensway to get court shoes. Got one, went back home and my mum say she cant accept red shoes so went back to change. Change to another 127 bucks Asics! Woohoo! The top-up my dad pay!










Ready to fly














Confidence

Think I'm having some doubts in my life cose I'm pretty low on confidence right now. Not really targeted at floorball specifically but includes many other things in my life as well. Haha, guess it is just another of my teenage angst. Part and parcel of life I guess.

Life for 2011 is really busy for me and I really like it, being able to live every single second with a purpose in mind. Can’t imagine how boring my life would be after the finals of the B div end... Haha, I really believe that we can do it=) Probably be mugging everyday but it is for a greater cause... Have to work for my ‘future’.

8-0. Pretty good match since the opponent is not really some easy pushover. But for me, it was not really a good game for me. Didn’t really play very well. Well, Jarryl did great as usual. Steady as a rock.

Heard from the stands people murmuring that ‘CHS the players all from CS one.” Judging from how I played, I’m really not playing to how a CS school player should be playing. I look, ordinary. Ahhh, I really got lots of things that I need to improve on if I really want to be better.

Watched Jian Hong owning on court and it really hit me that there is such a vast difference between me and him even though we are actually playing together as forward partners. Burden, like what cren always say. Really feel inferior whenever I go for CS training. Really feel very lousy there. But I think it lies more on confidence than anything else.

Flying off 2morow. Really hope this trip is worthwhile. One week of lessons and $. But I will of course regret if I didn’t go so=)

I’m really very vexed right now, really want to get myself to be what I’m hoping to be like. Walking with a sense of purpose everyday, doing things my style regardless of what others might think, be more confident and organised.

“Dreams are often unrealistic and impossible but as long as we have enough courage and determination, we can make the impossible possible.”

“To be one that one dream of, attaining perfection.”

Oya, to whoever you are: Don’t talk to you in that tone until I’m a national player? I make sure that turns into reality one day. I’m SOOOOO gonna kick your ass on court. Wait and see.

TO Darrell: CONFIDENCE! CONFIDENCE! CONFIDENE! Don’t underestimate yourself Darrell! Think about how much you have been through! You are a winner, you are gifted. You have been through hell before! Nothing should ever knock you down! YOU CAN DO IT! You got it! It is in you already! Just need to be confident! Don’t let one or two obstacles stop you from reaching your goal! You got to trust yourself.

Phew, hope that it helps me to gain confidence=)

Thursday, January 20, 2011

Me

Ahhh, really had enough of everything. Literally everything, from an electron to the whole world out there.

Sick and tired of being ( ), just wanna be myself. I'm not going to think about how others view me anymore, I'll just be myself. Shall just do things the way I want. Heck with the world. I'm just gonna be me.

SNSD new collaboration

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Moving on

Hmmn, 30-1. Looks good, sounds good, suppose to be very good.

Well, went to watch the video that was posted on youtube, realised that we could have done much better. Seriously, much much better. Watching the video also allowed me to pinpoint out some of my mistakes in the game. This time it was an easy opponent, but when we meet a strong foe... committing this tiny mistakes could cost a game.

I'm not really getting stressed over whether we can get Top 4 anymore. The standard of our game play is more or less fixed already. Maybe we can improve a little but most of the improvement should have came during nov/dec. Now there isn't much we can do either. If we are really good, really capable of winning Top 4, we will. The system in which the season is run, is very fair. The better team proceeds on and the weaker teams gets out. The best teams will never meet, until the reach they finals if they win every single game. So if VS wins every game and we win all of ours too, we will only meet them in the finals. The better team will be victorious, not much luck is involved in the season at all. The court is a place where skills and hard work speaks for itself...

So now what I'm hoping for isn't to enter every round hopeful that we meet weak teams but that we play to our best for every game. If we got it, we will get it.

To Joshua: Even though you didn't score goals, every goal our line scores is the effort of the whole line. So no goals is mine, or Jarryl's or Cren's. It is ours, the whole team's goal. We are one, we score as one, concede as one, win as one and lose as one. We are one team=)

I'm really hoping to step up my game play to the next level asap.

Hopefully APAC will be the boost that I need. Really want CHS FB to make history, and make ourselves proud. We trained hard for this, I hope we really do deserve it.

Sunday, January 16, 2011

What now?

What to do now? I'm really lost. Why am I having so much doubts about the way i'm living my life right now?

Hope I'm making the right choice now. What kind of life do i really want? I can't even answer that question.

Haha, one thing is for sure. I want to trash Shu Qun 2morow. AND, I want my Top 4.

Godness-es

Saturday, January 15, 2011

Jarryl...

Jarryl, get well soon.

Friday, January 14, 2011

Loner

Its really scary to walk this path alone
but think I will be better off alone.

Monday, January 10, 2011

Pleased

That's the only word I can think of right now. Pleased with my result, pleased with the result of my little hard work I had put in, pleased with myself for scoring an A1!

I was quite lucky this time. I know my own chinese standard pretty well and... Yea, was lucky this time. Still, I got to recognise the hard work I put in to achieve this A1. Yea~ My mum decided to give me 200 bucks to spend in Australia!!! Yahooooo~ (Googleeee!!!~)

I was happy for 5 seconds after I recieved the result slip then I settled down after that. You are going to hate me for saying this but, THIS IS ONLY ONE FRESKING SUBJECT> IT IS NOT LIKE YOU SCORED ALL A1 FOR ALL YOUR SUBJECTS RIGHT! SO CHILL PEOPLE! NO BIG DEAL, 88% OF THE COHORD SCORED As SO NOTHING THAT WE REALLY COULD BE VERY PROUD OF. PLUS, O LEVEL IS LESS THAN 300 DAYS AWAY SO IF YOU WANNA GET A1s FOR THE OTHER SUBJECTS, FORGET ABOUT THIS A1 FOR THIS *1* PIECE OF PAPER AND WORK HARD ON THE OTHER SUBJECTS! Haha, sorry for ranting. hehe

Erm, right now my priority is floorball. APAC and B div is just round the corner and after this 2 competitions are over, other than Div 1, I got not much floorball action left anyway. Will shift my priorities back to studies then. NOW? Floorball.

Still struggling to believe that I'm actually talented in floorball. Just can't believe that is the truth. I feel average~ Arrgh, this is getting retarded. "Never underestimate yourself." That was what I said and NOW? I'm underestimating myself... Gosh, what's wrong with me...

BM match is after CNY. Haha, like Eugene said, left the big showdown after CNY. Will be awaiting it. Actually, if you ask me honestly, I would rather play against powerhouse like VS and BM in B div. Cose if we really win them, then it is really skill that got us the Top 4, not luck. We can do it people. I don't care now, whatever school that is in our way to Top 4, we are going to beat them. Yea. BRING IT ON! CHS is waiting right here for you...

Sunday, January 9, 2011

Shadow

I keep visualising myself playing floorball at my best. But that person that is playing is not me, it is always somebody else, somebody that I admire for his skills (this person change over time).

I'm like always hiding behind another person's shadow, unsure of my own skills.

I should be myself, play like how I always play, MY PLAYING STYLE but I can't seem to believe myself that I'm actually good enough. I always think that I'm not good enough yet.

What am I good at anw? That is the question I've been asking myself.

To break my limit, that is to discover what kind of player I am. What's my strength and weakness, I must know.

To be the player which I visualise in my dreams

Thursday, January 6, 2011

2011

Wow. Just 3 days. 3 days was all it took for me to clearly understand what my 2011 life is gonna be like.

Erm, 5 training a week. Sunday and Monday I'm floorball-free.
Remedial every single day.
Tons of homework from all subjects.
Gonna be off for APAC on the 25th to 31st, missing 1 week of school.
B div coming really soon, pressure and stress is building up.

January will be the busiest period for 2011. 2 competitions coming up at around the same time and prelim 1 in feb, side by side with B div.

Just 2 trainings and I'm on the brink of collapsing already. I don't know how long I can last before I'm outta gas but I ain't gonna give up just yet.

I really believe that " To be tired physically is a joy, to be tired mentally is weak." Even though I'm really worn-out, I'm feeling great, cose I know by doing so I'm making full use of my time and energy. The hardest thing though, is getting up from bed in the morning. I know I have to get on with life, get on with the lessons in school, remedial after school and training in the evening but I just can't bring myself out of bed. Tired, lack of sleep, lack of rest. Sleeping will solve it all but I can't afford to just lie there. I got a life to manage. It might be a busy and hectic one but I love it. I say FML but deep inside me, I knew that I'm doing the right thing.

Not everybody has so many commitments to attend. To be busy and living my life to its fullest, it is a pleasure for me. It may be hard, but I'm sure it's worthwhile.

CS training yesterday was hell. PT. Gosh, I slacked and now I'm feeling really bad about it. "If you want to succeed, you got to take the pain. No pain, no gain." Yea. If I can't endure the pain, I will never be able to succeed. You think Usain Bolt, Messi and SNSD all happily rise to where they are today>? Hard work and tons of pain and endurance brought them to where they are today. Snsd sleep like 3 to 4 hours a day. I'm sleeping so much more than them. If I want to succeed and be like them, I got to work as hard as they do.

2011, it may be a tough year but it will be a good and meaningful one.

Didn't play well today, spotted my flaws and got to work on it asap. Getting selected for APAC is my honour and I got to give it my best.

DARRELL, ALL THE WAY!

***

I'm crying cose I can't have you~

Tuesday, January 4, 2011

My Heart

My Heart Is Dying of Heatstroke.

ARRRRRRRR~ Save me~

Monday, January 3, 2011

Happy New Year~

Happy New Year~ A bit late but still Happy New Year~~~

Haha, yesterday was pretty fun for me. Met up with my primary school friends=) 4 of us decided to meet earlier for a movie. TRON... Haha, a bit old but haven watch yet so... Was cool, but the ending is stupid. Good guys always wins. Like the gears. Boomerang~

Erm, then we travelled to Bishan after the movie. Ate macs myself, the other 3 wanted to save their stomach for the bbq. Went NTUC to get food. Disastrous >.<>.<

So chit-chat and eat. My primary school form teacher finally came. Well, ate and talked.

Just joke around, take pictures and she left early cose she got something on...

We loitered till 9.30 and all of us left.

Was fun=) Always nice to meet up with old friends once in a while~ It was awkward at first, still very awkward at the end but much lesser. Not as close as before, but not too bad. Was fun to get to know what is going on in each other's lives.

Shocking secrets, but more or less expected.

***

Its a new year~ School is gonna start 2morow=( Life goes on still. At least I'm looking forward to meeting up with my classmates=) Janurary, hopefully I can go APAC, will be looking forward to that.

Feburary, B div. Haha, will be looking forward to it. Definitely gonna be an interesting year for CHS B div. Either making history or nothing. I will definitely make sure I'm ready. At least, I can promise that.

***

You make my heart~beat.

ARHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Just realised how far we are apart, how distant we are. We got nothing in common