Unprepared

2011 has been a really tough one for me, so many things have happened in this short 1 and half months. Some many things out there for me to realize, so many things that I got to accept regardless of what.

It did seem to me that I have learnt an invaluable lesson in APAC. It got me to realise that I'm not as good as I thought I was. Maybe I was better than many in the past but reality is harsh, now's the other way round. I just got to accept humbly that I'm no longer THAT good. I didn't deprove but its just that the rest are improving much faster than I am. I used to think that all the Div 1 games, CS trainings and my personal trainings on my own would be more than enough to put me above the rest but it apparently wasn't true. All this thoughts that I was BETTER made me lazy and I slacked off. I did not train on my own as I used to do and I did not take all the trainings as seriously as I did before plainly because I thought I was superior. But now facts have changed and it is no longer a matter of confidence in my skills or anything, it is just that I got nothing to show at all. It is not that I could show my skills because I'm lacking in confidence, it is because I got nothing in my pocket at all.

Humble. This is a word that I've learnt, a word which I now fully understand what it means. If an athlete isn't humble enough, he will not be able to learn as much as he use to.

Was chatting with Yuha yesterday when the 4 of us went to watch the conference games. He was telling us why the Finish were all so damn good in floorball and the conclusion was: Hard work. All the players trained since young and all train very hard to achieve the skill they have. There is no shortcut to success. No champion is born overnight.

“The secret behind success is hard work.” This is the phrase that I’ve learnt in the past 1 and half months. It’s time I learn to be humble and work towards my goals. It is quite distinct to me that I’m improving at a slower rate as compared to the past. No room for slacking, no room for arrogance. It’s time I push myself down all the way down to the bottom and start from scratch. Train like how I train in the past, learning and picking up skills from every player that I see. Train on my own and try to decipher the theory behind his technique. Haha, it really makes me laugh at how I used to train… But I guess it did work pretty well for me.

Time to forget that I’m a CS player, that I went to APAC, that I used to be the MVP. Back to being a floorballer with no recognitions or achievements. Guess I can learn better since I will not look down on any players and therefore allow me to absorb as much as I can from him=) I used to take Ryan’s comments offensively and take it that he is trying to put me down but I no longer take it the same way anymore. Now I just listen and absorb what he got to say and try to improvise on what he thinks I’m weak at. Even though it is really hard to take his comments as all his comments will just come straight in the face without a trace of lenience, I guess I just have to accept them. Sometimes it is good to learn to accept reality even though it’s harsh.

B div currently ongoing. No chance from errors. Can’t be a ‘burden’ to the team like cren always used to say… he still says it now though. Everybody worked hard for this and I really want it to end in victory. If we qualify for Top 8, which we will, either way getting 1st or 2nd in the group, we will still meet either BM or VS. But getting 1st in the group will allow us to get Top 4 easier of course. Getting Top 4 is really something that I want badly.

Prelim 1 is freaking screwed. Totally didn’t study during this weekend. I can either: Decide that I’m really screwed and there is no point in studying OR try my best not to screw up so badly. Guess I will take the 2nd option… Really want to do better in my studies but I guess the past 1 and half months didn’t really allow me much time to mug properly.

Just got to accept life and keep pushing myself. Top 4 is my utmost priority now but that doesn’t even me a reason to neglect my studies. Guess I just have to accept the fact that I’m going to do really badly for Prelim 1 before it even starts.

Used to have 4 dreams for my future but I guess I will just reduce to 2 now. Realize that it is almost impossible to fulfill all 4 though I really want to. Got to be more realistic.

Hwaiting Darrell!