I'm so scared.... Breaking point...

So far in my life, I have never felt so scared. NEVER... Cose this is the 1st time that something may just change my life...

I have never faced so much pressure before. I'm always optimistic and the kind that happy-go-lucky. Nothing was able to worry me too much. I hardly worry about anything cose I always believe that everything is pre-destined....

But now, I have to change my destiny even if it is pre-destined. I'm willing to work harder than ever just in order to change my fate, cose I know, this thing is going to change my life, forever...

Probation for triple science.

Probably when you are reading this you may feel that it is so simple and that I should take it easy. I want to take it easy too. In term of optimistism, you will never beat me. But this time, I really can't cope with it at all...

60 for all the 3 sciences.

Seem easy right? Can get it even if I slack right? Let me tell you my current results...

Biology - 62% ( So if I get 57% next term, I'm dead)

Chemistry- ??( But should be quite high, higher than bio at least, hopefully Chem would'nt give me too much problem...)

Physics- ?? ( But should be a major screw-up this term. Just passed my class test 20/40. Just passed my MR 22/40... Should get 10-15% out 0f 20% for my daily work. So my score will be around 50-60 right? Hopefully the percentage for MR is higher than the class test, then I may get for myself 1 precious mark . So I'm pretty screw-ed right? What if I do badly next term? Physics is one of my weakest subject...) I don't want to imagine anymore...

I'm at my breaking point right now.... I don't know what to do... I cannot and must not return to 3-8 cose if I return, I'm screw-ed. My studies will be in tatters PLUS I be mocked at. Can't imagine going back to 3-8, those faces saying "Act clever, go triple science in the end still come back here, stupid betrayer". The students will mock at me, the teachers will mock at me... I will be so embarassed that I don't know how to face everybody...

I want to cry now but I can't. I know I should not let pressure and stress affect me... But what can I do?

I have a back-up plan, if one of my sciences fail to reach the mark, i shall take bio-chem. It will allow me to remain in this class! But what if the head of the science department don't allow me to do so? Cose I believe she is very unhappy about me transfering to 3-4, she told me on that day that if I fail to pass the probation, I WILL be sent back to 3-8. Think she will be nice to let me take bio-chem? NO.

So now all I can do is to try my best but what if I fail? I can't fail and yet the odds seem to be against me. That is why I'm willing to give up on dota. Cose now I'm willing to take everything I got just in order to pass my probation...

I regret so much for not working hard this term. Only a few topics were tested, I could have scored very well so I don't have to worry for term 2 but now i have gotten myself into this mess. What have I done! Term 2 will be harder and tougher. Yet my determination and hope seem to be weaker and slimmer...

I'm so scared, so scared...