For a very special fren. Part 4

To U:

You light up my life
Your cheerful-ness brings me alive.

You make life look so fun
Hyper-active, run run run=)

4 sentences is all I need
Enough for everyone to guess who it is=)

****

Bro, many things happened. Really worried for you. I can't help you, decision is yours. The result: Me- tails, yours- heads. Seemed like what I would advise you and what you want in your heart is different.

Nevertheless, decision is yours. I can only watch from the side and pray for the best.

Ok, back to the happy post!!!! Thank you Derek!!! ( lol, Jarryl...)

We met since Sec 1, but only became really close friends in Sec 2 and I really appreciated this friendship. We totally had some much in common, till we can't even stop ourselves from being best friends. I mean, let's go down the list- SNSD, floorball, prefect, basketball, k-pop, psp games, movies, looking at girls, maybe not the height..., talking about sick stuff, slacking during duty, dota? lol rmb maple~, pokemon, china trip, hanging out, meals, going home together, suaning each other, wipping your oil on my towel, talking about C and K, going out with L D K, sharing your message conversation of u n C, WildWildWet, floorball under my void deck, dota at my house after cross-country, watch P at nz's cousin house... And much more which I can't remember...

I can't even remember when was the last time I was angry with you for more than 10 minutes... We shared all our secrets... We even slept together (with clothes) during the chalet!

You are like the most energetic friend I ever met. You seriously brighten up my day. Whenever I hear 'ding!'... I know that my day ain't gonna be that bad anymore, cose you will be there for me=)

Thank you for all that you have done for me, cheering me up when I'm down and encouraging me when I'm losing confidence. The memories we share, I will never forget them.

Bro, one last thing i would like to tell you... Once bitten, twice shy, or be twice sorry=)

Nites...

***

Spoiler for next post ( For a very special fren. Part 5):

You never once fought back when he owned you, even though he fails everytime...

Quote

" We live to our own expectations, not people's imagination... "

- Darrell Er

We can only truly said that we are good if we think so. What people say will not be able to gauge your ability as well as you gauge your own ability... Live up to your own expectations...

31/8/10

All I can say that yesterday was a very enjoyable day for me=)


6.10: Got onto my dad's car and went to school. Can' take Mrt cose the box was damn huge. My beauty sleep~

6.40: Took the box and went to Ish to collect chips from sec 1s. Trust me, the sec 1s are freaking good for their standard. Swear we are no where close when we were at there age.

Believe it anot, by the time they reach sec 3, they would have far exceed our skills. I'm serious. My fellow sec 3s, better buck up and better not lose to the sec 1s... Since the sec 1s are pretty good, we might as well aim for a double next season... Champions for C div and B div=) Jia You!

7.20: Return back to class to play yu-gi-oh.

7.40: Morning assembly. Received the Geo medal. Finally... Drag drag drag, until yesterday then give out the medal...

7.50: Went back to class to prepare for the 'snack box'...

8.15: Went to hall for 'rehearsal'... Crap la... Didn't even rehearse anything. The band fucking hell occupy the stage, didn't even let us have 1 chance to practise up on stage... Slacked there~

10.30: Finally, the much awaited Teacher's Day performance began!!! The student-teacher band did okay... CO and the Chinese singer.. I would say... screwed up...

Our dance went pretty well, was well received too. Screw the band la, insisted on performing their last song after us. Reduced our already constricted space to half. But, resilience! We did okay with that limited space=) Well done people!!!

I would really like to thank Derek, Cren, Joshua, Jarryl, Jie Ying and Ryan, for supporting me in organising this dance. Remembered the very first time I tried to introduce this team dance idea?

If you guys didn't support my decision then, I couldn't have accomplish anything. You guys supported me all the way, even willing to dance with me on stage. For this, I'm truly grateful. Thank you. A leader can't achieve anything without the support of his comrades. He would just be a man with big dreams.

Thank you for being there when I needed you guys. Thanks for all the support. You guys made one of my dream for the team come true. Last but not least, Eugene! Although you din't dance but thank for being our 'DJ' and helping us out in out practices (sleeping) and being the back-stage crew.

Think you got your own reasons for not dancing but at least you made it clear from the start that you will not be dancing. Oya, Billy thanks as well=)

12.00: Teacher's day celebration finally over~ Managed to entice Mr Han to treat us to lunch. Pizza Hut =) Played 'zhong ji mi ma'. Haha, Mr Han had to call Miss Khoo.LOL. If only we could have more of this kind of meals... Breaks down the barrier between a teacher/coach, but still retaining the same kind of respect in school/on court. Friends outside the school, student/teacher in school.

1.45: Reach kahtib. Was late and saw nobody there. Walked around yet nobody to be found. Decided to go home. Was like emo-ing. Nobody care about me. Nobody remembers me...

2.10: Was under my block already when 'anonymous' sms-ed me that they were actually in my primary school. Tq anonymous=) Or I would have missed out on all the fun.

2.15: Finally found the rest. They were all like super welcome me=) Maybe I wasn't that unpopular afterall=)

Wow. Been a while since I last saw them. All changed quite a bit, including me as well. We have all grown, but still retaining our wonderful childhood memories which we created together=) Really glad to see them all again. Boys decided to go Safra, girls decided to go shopping.


3.00: Finally reached Safra after wasting a lot of time waiting here and there. Met Wei Ning there, for those that know who is she. So happens to be one of my primary school friend's friend. Then Wayne came over and told me, 'hey, I know about the girl u like.." WTF. I mean how did Wei Ning know about it?

It was stupid... I realise I was even more stupid, liking a girl that i have met for like less than 5 times? I mean I even know that her character and behaviour (in all aspects) sucks, she doesn't study and goes out a lot. She ain't that pretty, tell her to lift up her fringe and I will puck...

DARRELL ER hereby announce that he is no longer in love anymore. It was purely an infatuation that lasted till 1/09/10, 4.00 pm.

Pool had to wait damn long. In the end, played a bit of Arcade and went to Zheng Wei's house.


4.00: Btw, Zheng Wei's neighbour is Wan Terng... Such a small world. Decided to play Bball.

4.20: Went to buy drinks and sat down and chit-chat.

4.30: Went to the children's playground and got chased out. LOL. Deprived childhood... Over-sized kids. That was what we called ourselves=) Reminiscing our childhood...

4.40: Played primary school games which we used to play at the fitness corner. Like walking on the balancing beam and see who goes down first, things like that. Lol, freaking deprived. But was very fun.

5.00: Played catching under Zheng Wei's block. Ice and freeze... Deprived again. Me and Darryl were both caught, then we touch each other and claimed ' self-unfreeze'... Lol.


5.30: Went back to the shop and bought ice-cream. Wayne was like trying to make mist come out from his mouth after eating ice-cream. Initially, we thought he was joking so we were all like laughing damn badly. Bursting into laughter all of a sudden, as if we were drunk. But he really did it in the end.

5.50: Went back home by bus.

6.30: Dinner.

8.00: Studied, but was so tired till I could hardly keep myself awake.

Was such a fun day for me... Looking forward to the badminton session on Sunday=) Revive our childhood memories again=)

Naked

It was about 11 pm.

Really felt horny. Totally.

Everybody in my house was asleep, except for me...

Masturbating would be the norm but not this time... I decided to do something crazier...

I really felt the need to be naked. And to feel exhilarating at the same time.

Crazy. I did the craziest thing I could have done. Horniest was overwhelming me till I couldn't think properly anymore.

I went over to my drawer and took out my keys. i threw it down the window, into the bushes in the garden below my block. It landed somewhere in the garden.

I stripped naked. I threw my clothes on the sofa. I felt ready. I felt the urge to carry out my plans immediately. It was fun, till the max...

I opened my door warily and glanced around. The corridor was empty. Sound came from my parent's room. I twisted around, dreading myself getting caught before I could even carry out my mission. Luckily they were fast asleep. I suddenly realised the dangers of my mission but I wanted to have fun. Try out something exhilarating.

The next thing I did, you would have punched me, kicked me or slap me even. I closed the door. WTF, I was seriously pushing myself to the extreme... I didn't even allowed myself to back out. I was crazy. My only way back now is to retrieve the keys...

I suddenly came to my senses. WTH was I doing!!! I was crazy, i didn't even allowed myself to back out. I wanted to get things over quickly before I get caught. I immediately climbed down the stairs twice at a time with my hard and erected dick banging against my body as I did. Hurry!!!

Right before I reached the 1st floor I stopped. I spotted 2 Indians sitting there, chatting. They don't seem like the kind that will leave anytime soon. I immediately climbed back to the 2nd floor and made my way to another staircase that will lead me to the 1st floor. This one was clear. I immediately sprinted towards the garden.

Without warning, a Chinese male, with headphones on, turn around a bent and was walking towards me. I quickly ducked behind a wall. Luckily he couldn't hear me or he would have spotted me moving already. It was so close. I really felt vulnerable for once. Totally vulnerable without clothes.

After the guy walked away I continued walking towards the garden, warily...

****. __. Guess what. There was a bunch of girls sitting in that exact garden my key had landed and there was one of them hold the keys and the other rubbing her head furiously. Guess the key have landed on her head and caused a wound or something.

In other words, I was dead, finished. How was I going to get the keys back. PLUS, among them, the one holding the key was my primary school friend Cynthia and the other was the girl whom I like that lived in the same block as me. What could be worst...

I was really considering my options, which I have only a few at hand.

1) Go back home and bang on my door and wake my parents up who will be surprised to see their naked son standing at the doorstep. Not an option.

2) Walk up to the girls as if nobody's business and snatch over the keys from the terrified/screaming girls after seeing a naked guy. Not that brave.

3) Steal some clothes and after that, negotiate with the girls to get back the keys. Best available option.

So I made my way back to the staircase where I came down from. Guess what. As I was walking up, a girl in her 20s, average looking, walked down. We met face to face. Super embarrassing!!! I could have killed myself there, dig a hole and bury myself. her expression was like " What's this crazy naked guy doing here?" She almost screamed but kept her composure and quickly walked away, glancing back at me as she walked away with the 'what's wrong with him' expression...

I swear that I would have killed myself if I could. Quickly recovering from the incident, I searched level by level for clothes but only managed to find pants and shirt after walking to the 4th level. The lift was carrying people and went passed me as I walked pass the lift lobby. It did not stop and the people inside didn't seem to notice a naked boy hiding in the shadows anyway.

After gaining the extra protection and comfort of somewhat unfitting clothes, I went over the the garden. The girls were already planning to leave, I was hoping to retrieve the keys without the need to approach the girls but it seem to be inevitable since Cynthia was holding the keys in her hands.

I mustered all my courage and walked over, trying to shift my pants to cover up for my embarrassing erected dick which was jutting out.

"Erm... Sorry. That was my key... I.. Dropped it out of the window... So.. so.. can I get it back.?" I stuttered like shyt.

They 5 girls' attention were all focused on me. All seemed to notice my erected dick jutting out uncomfortably but didn't seem to mind.

" You hurt my friend here. Why should I let you go?" she said these in chinese.

"Sorry... Pls return me the keys..." I said with a dry throat. I was starting to feel embarassed, esp in front of the girl which I liked from my block...

Suddenly, I felt my pants dropped. Somebody had pulled it down after realising I wasn't wearing any underwear. My dick was like totally exposed. I felt 'naked'...

I felt angry yet embarrassed. They were all like laugh at me. I felt bad damn. Damn hurt. I quickly pulled my pants up and snatched over the keys from Cynthia's hand. I quickly ran back to the stairs and ran back home. I could hear the faint laughter from the girls as I ran hard, back to my house...

I was too stupid. I was crazy. I swear I'm never gonna do something so stupid AGAIN.

*
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"RIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNNGGGGGGGGG!" It a brand new Sunday.

Dead tired

I'm dead tired now...

Tuesday night YOG started this whole crap. Caused me a lack of sleep. Wednesday was super tired.

Thursday was worst. Catch a cold and was dying. But still went for training. Didn't train for close to a month since a series of injuries kept me on the sideline...

Today, 2pm -6pm. Non-stop dance practise. Dead tired. At least we were able to complete the whole dance=)

Lucifer dance steps are dead cool. I swear. This song never seems to bore me.

Having a sore throat now. Hope it wouldn't cose me to be ill again...

Gosh, I should be studying and not preparing for Teacher's Day right now... Must not retain. Not all my subjects are above 60 this year. Must work hard. Can't tarry anymore... Not much time left...

Restricted...

That's how I'm feeling now. Squashed and restricted.

Just like this poor panda, I'm caged within time. He is caged by a watch (time), while I'm caged within the limited amount of time I have left for the upcoming EOY.

When life just seemed to brighten up a little, when everything seems like it is gonna be fine for once, comes the crashing weight of the stress of the EOY upon my shoulders.

Darn. Reality is simply cruel...

I already found out what my weakness are and have already started working to overcome them. It will obviously not be completed over a few days but I really have to hurry and get things right FAST. EOY is just round the corner...

I better not tarry anymore. I'm procrastinating too much. I starting to accumulate my homework, just like before. Can't afford to do so. I've already learnt my lesson. Better not repeat that again. But then again, no matter how determined I was to do/start on my work when I reach home, I just seem to falter right before I start my work. It's really very annoying and I can only blame myself for it. I know it's tough for me to change over such a short period of time when this bad habit of mine has been part of my daily life for a year or 2, but at least I have to try overcoming it a little by little. Problem is, I JUST can't seem to overcome this barrier. It's annoying. I keep telling myself to not procrastinate anymore but I just can't seem to carry out whatever I was thinking. My actions and thoughts don't synchronise.

C'mon Darrell, you can do it... Hwaiting!!!

*****

Today's morning have a religious talk for Carpe Diem. Was rather amazed by the ideology and belief of the various religion. I'm not against any religion (free thinker), but I sort of have this vision that a religion is just a bluff/propaganda. This is purely my perception so there is no offense against those with religion. I mean, who can prove that god exist? I vaguely remember something about messenger and angels, like they sorta pass message from god or something, but who can confirm these angels exist in the first place? Even if they really exist, who can prove that that is the actual message from god? I mean that are many things in a religion that we can't challenge. It is like " It's was like this from the start, everybody agrees so it should be right..." conception. Nobody can prove that it is right or wrong. Nobody actually saw god face to face before right?

So how can we actually confirm that god exist? So religion is more like a belief and ideology, nobody can prove it wrong or right. It's holy. You don't believe it then forget it, if you do, continue believing in it. Dead people can't tell us whether they really went to heaven or hell right?

BUT, I would really like to stress that religion is something that brings more good than harm. It really develops you as a person well. It stresses on values and belief. It trains a person well. And when these followers trust their god and know that god is watching over them, it actually builds up belief in them. It builds self-discipline as well, cose for eg, fasting, they can't eat cose they know god is watching and stuff like that. They also think twice before they do anything that is against their religion, which trains self control.

That's why I'm never against any religion as I see it as something good even though I'm still not convince that god exist that's why I have yet to have a religion. Fyi, most of the successful people in the world have a religion... Faith and believe keeps one going.

Bye~

Us

I know the chances of us meeting 2morow is as low as 0.1% but I'm still hopeful.

***

I say no
My mind can't agree better
but my heart isn't with me anymore
it's with you

You stole it long time ago
You stole it without knowing
You stole it before I can't resist
You stole my heart

We stared at each other for 5 seconds
maybe longer...
You should have never done that
Nor should I have continued thinking about you

We live in two different worlds.
You lead your life and I lead mine
We will never cross path
Cose we are treading on different ones

We will never be able to be together
Yet I refuse to accept that
I know it's purely infatuation
But I refuse to let this feeling go

I know I'm foolish
But I rather be foolish than to forget you
Time and time I tried to get you out of my mind
And each time I failed miserably

You live a life that is totally different from mine
So do I
You have your group of social acquaintance
Vastly different from mine

I will never fit in your life
Neither would you fit into mine
But ironically
My life wouldn't be complete without you

I know you aren't that perfect
I refuse to meet you again
Just to be able to retain that perfect image of your's
in my heart

I know I'm foolish
all this one-sided love
I know I'm just wasting time
Just accept the truth
in the face of harsh reality
...
We will never be together.

No matter how hard I work for achievement
I know I will never be able to match up to your beauty

I went to your school
I went there just to find you
I thought I saw you
It just turned out to be my imagination

People say girls will go crazy over me
I only want you
Yet
We will never be together

When there's a will there's a way?
And what if it all ends in misery?
You should really get out of my live right now
I got no time and place for you...

He told me you are nothing but a slut
I can't agree any better
I know you are way lousy than I imagined you to be
You got many flaws, nothing to be proud of

Yet I going crazy over you.
What wrong with me?