Unprepared

2011 has been a really tough one for me, so many things have happened in this short 1 and half months. Some many things out there for me to realize, so many things that I got to accept regardless of what.

It did seem to me that I have learnt an invaluable lesson in APAC. It got me to realise that I'm not as good as I thought I was. Maybe I was better than many in the past but reality is harsh, now's the other way round. I just got to accept humbly that I'm no longer THAT good. I didn't deprove but its just that the rest are improving much faster than I am. I used to think that all the Div 1 games, CS trainings and my personal trainings on my own would be more than enough to put me above the rest but it apparently wasn't true. All this thoughts that I was BETTER made me lazy and I slacked off. I did not train on my own as I used to do and I did not take all the trainings as seriously as I did before plainly because I thought I was superior. But now facts have changed and it is no longer a matter of confidence in my skills or anything, it is just that I got nothing to show at all. It is not that I could show my skills because I'm lacking in confidence, it is because I got nothing in my pocket at all.

Humble. This is a word that I've learnt, a word which I now fully understand what it means. If an athlete isn't humble enough, he will not be able to learn as much as he use to.

Was chatting with Yuha yesterday when the 4 of us went to watch the conference games. He was telling us why the Finish were all so damn good in floorball and the conclusion was: Hard work. All the players trained since young and all train very hard to achieve the skill they have. There is no shortcut to success. No champion is born overnight.

“The secret behind success is hard work.” This is the phrase that I’ve learnt in the past 1 and half months. It’s time I learn to be humble and work towards my goals. It is quite distinct to me that I’m improving at a slower rate as compared to the past. No room for slacking, no room for arrogance. It’s time I push myself down all the way down to the bottom and start from scratch. Train like how I train in the past, learning and picking up skills from every player that I see. Train on my own and try to decipher the theory behind his technique. Haha, it really makes me laugh at how I used to train… But I guess it did work pretty well for me.

Time to forget that I’m a CS player, that I went to APAC, that I used to be the MVP. Back to being a floorballer with no recognitions or achievements. Guess I can learn better since I will not look down on any players and therefore allow me to absorb as much as I can from him=) I used to take Ryan’s comments offensively and take it that he is trying to put me down but I no longer take it the same way anymore. Now I just listen and absorb what he got to say and try to improvise on what he thinks I’m weak at. Even though it is really hard to take his comments as all his comments will just come straight in the face without a trace of lenience, I guess I just have to accept them. Sometimes it is good to learn to accept reality even though it’s harsh.

B div currently ongoing. No chance from errors. Can’t be a ‘burden’ to the team like cren always used to say… he still says it now though. Everybody worked hard for this and I really want it to end in victory. If we qualify for Top 8, which we will, either way getting 1st or 2nd in the group, we will still meet either BM or VS. But getting 1st in the group will allow us to get Top 4 easier of course. Getting Top 4 is really something that I want badly.

Prelim 1 is freaking screwed. Totally didn’t study during this weekend. I can either: Decide that I’m really screwed and there is no point in studying OR try my best not to screw up so badly. Guess I will take the 2nd option… Really want to do better in my studies but I guess the past 1 and half months didn’t really allow me much time to mug properly.

Just got to accept life and keep pushing myself. Top 4 is my utmost priority now but that doesn’t even me a reason to neglect my studies. Guess I just have to accept the fact that I’m going to do really badly for Prelim 1 before it even starts.

Used to have 4 dreams for my future but I guess I will just reduce to 2 now. Realize that it is almost impossible to fulfill all 4 though I really want to. Got to be more realistic.

Hwaiting Darrell!

Arrr

Gosh, need to wake up so early 2morow...

Sick

Really sucks to be sick right before cny... Haiz, and had to miss training.

Will post about Perth if i'm free and have the mood to do so.

Off to Australia~

Bye ppl! Don't miss me too much=)

A journey to let myself be more calm, composed and collected=)

~

Need to be more dangerous on court...
And I shall prove it to everybody, including myself...

Bleez

Decided to blog again since I wouldn't be able to do it anytime soon.

Hmmn, recall Cren saying that I'm too 'expressive' on court. Maybe I should change. Must learn to control myself even though I'm not really stirred either >.< cool=")">

Oya, went queensway to get court shoes. Got one, went back home and my mum say she cant accept red shoes so went back to change. Change to another 127 bucks Asics! Woohoo! The top-up my dad pay!

Ready to fly

Confidence

Think I'm having some doubts in my life cose I'm pretty low on confidence right now. Not really targeted at floorball specifically but includes many other things in my life as well. Haha, guess it is just another of my teenage angst. Part and parcel of life I guess.

Life for 2011 is really busy for me and I really like it, being able to live every single second with a purpose in mind. Can’t imagine how boring my life would be after the finals of the B div end... Haha, I really believe that we can do it=) Probably be mugging everyday but it is for a greater cause... Have to work for my ‘future’.

8-0. Pretty good match since the opponent is not really some easy pushover. But for me, it was not really a good game for me. Didn’t really play very well. Well, Jarryl did great as usual. Steady as a rock.

Heard from the stands people murmuring that ‘CHS the players all from CS one.” Judging from how I played, I’m really not playing to how a CS school player should be playing. I look, ordinary. Ahhh, I really got lots of things that I need to improve on if I really want to be better.

Watched Jian Hong owning on court and it really hit me that there is such a vast difference between me and him even though we are actually playing together as forward partners. Burden, like what cren always say. Really feel inferior whenever I go for CS training. Really feel very lousy there. But I think it lies more on confidence than anything else.

Flying off 2morow. Really hope this trip is worthwhile. One week of lessons and $. But I will of course regret if I didn’t go so=)

I’m really very vexed right now, really want to get myself to be what I’m hoping to be like. Walking with a sense of purpose everyday, doing things my style regardless of what others might think, be more confident and organised.

“Dreams are often unrealistic and impossible but as long as we have enough courage and determination, we can make the impossible possible.”

“To be one that one dream of, attaining perfection.”

Oya, to whoever you are: Don’t talk to you in that tone until I’m a national player? I make sure that turns into reality one day. I’m SOOOOO gonna kick your ass on court. Wait and see.

TO Darrell: CONFIDENCE! CONFIDENCE! CONFIDENE! Don’t underestimate yourself Darrell! Think about how much you have been through! You are a winner, you are gifted. You have been through hell before! Nothing should ever knock you down! YOU CAN DO IT! You got it! It is in you already! Just need to be confident! Don’t let one or two obstacles stop you from reaching your goal! You got to trust yourself.

Phew, hope that it helps me to gain confidence=)