I have finally came to a decision. Even god was on my side this time. I've finally mustered enough courage to look at the results...
No girls should ever make me crazy over her. Only you did.
But~ A winner, never loses...
Sunday, July 4, 2010
Idiots
Parents...
They are just a bunch of idiots that do not kow how to care and how to love their child. Their narrowed minded thinking that studies is everything, is retarded. They do not know how to care, or how to love. All they did was to suspect and blame me for everything that went wrong...
Today shall be the last day I will smile when I'm with my family. From now onwards , I will be cold towards them. If they don't talk to me, I wouldn't talk to them if they isn't a need to. If they want an answer, it will be a sentence long at most. I can't face them anymore, they are getting more and more ridiculous and overboarded. Anything about me is none of their business anymore. I will not respect or treat them as my parents, as they did not treat me as their son as well.
Everything stops here. I wanted to build up a good relationship with you guys but you said something you should have never said. You siad it out, your words from your mouth. It was painful but it shall be the last time. You said it out, you lose your son, I'm sorry.
When I grow up, I'm going to treat you the way you have treated me. You may still be able to control me now but I'll be free soon, once I grow older. I had enough.
I did not make this decision myself, you forced me to. You may say I'm getting too emotional or too sensitive but what you had said had hurt me deeply.
You caused it, you brought it upon yourself. What I'm doing now is just in order to protect myself, to prevent myself from getting hurt again. I've already lied to myself countless of times, always blaming myself, always thinking that it was all my fault. Time to put an end to it. It was all lie. The problem lies with you, not me.
What you have done to me, it is time for me to pay back. Not now maybe, but eventually.
You people don't deserve to be my parents anymore. If oneday you are going to ask me why I've suddenly became so cold, I'm going to say back what you said to me in your face. " What you have done, you know it yourself."
The computer spoilt because the graphic card was faulty, not be'cose of my games. I've never touched it for 5 months already... What did I do? I know it myself? _l_
Friends, they are the ones I have left. But no matter what I wouldn't fall, I'm Darrell remember?
I will not get tricked by you people again, cose in the end I will only get hurt more deeply. You did not trust me, you even suspected me, you don't deserve to be my parents anymore. I kindly suggested a solution, you turned it into an excuse against me. I had enough, seriously.
Family? Give me enough $ and I swear I will move out of here.
Home? It's just a house.
Love? Don't exist here.
Trust? Everything I say is a lie.
Parents? I don't have any.
They are just a bunch of idiots that do not kow how to care and how to love their child. Their narrowed minded thinking that studies is everything, is retarded. They do not know how to care, or how to love. All they did was to suspect and blame me for everything that went wrong...
Today shall be the last day I will smile when I'm with my family. From now onwards , I will be cold towards them. If they don't talk to me, I wouldn't talk to them if they isn't a need to. If they want an answer, it will be a sentence long at most. I can't face them anymore, they are getting more and more ridiculous and overboarded. Anything about me is none of their business anymore. I will not respect or treat them as my parents, as they did not treat me as their son as well.
Everything stops here. I wanted to build up a good relationship with you guys but you said something you should have never said. You siad it out, your words from your mouth. It was painful but it shall be the last time. You said it out, you lose your son, I'm sorry.
When I grow up, I'm going to treat you the way you have treated me. You may still be able to control me now but I'll be free soon, once I grow older. I had enough.
I did not make this decision myself, you forced me to. You may say I'm getting too emotional or too sensitive but what you had said had hurt me deeply.
You caused it, you brought it upon yourself. What I'm doing now is just in order to protect myself, to prevent myself from getting hurt again. I've already lied to myself countless of times, always blaming myself, always thinking that it was all my fault. Time to put an end to it. It was all lie. The problem lies with you, not me.
What you have done to me, it is time for me to pay back. Not now maybe, but eventually.
You people don't deserve to be my parents anymore. If oneday you are going to ask me why I've suddenly became so cold, I'm going to say back what you said to me in your face. " What you have done, you know it yourself."
The computer spoilt because the graphic card was faulty, not be'cose of my games. I've never touched it for 5 months already... What did I do? I know it myself? _l_
Friends, they are the ones I have left. But no matter what I wouldn't fall, I'm Darrell remember?
I will not get tricked by you people again, cose in the end I will only get hurt more deeply. You did not trust me, you even suspected me, you don't deserve to be my parents anymore. I kindly suggested a solution, you turned it into an excuse against me. I had enough, seriously.
Family? Give me enough $ and I swear I will move out of here.
Home? It's just a house.
Love? Don't exist here.
Trust? Everything I say is a lie.
Parents? I don't have any.
Friday, July 2, 2010
To go, or not to?
2/7/10 Friday
School as usual.
Totally had no mood to study for today luh~ Distracted by, I duno what. Just couldn't concentrate. School finally ended at 2.45 after math remedial, which I totally dun understand. WTH is bionomial?
Went back home with Derek. Had a ~LONG~ dicussion whether to or whether not to, ask her out.
Conclusion:
1) If you like a girl a lot, don't approach her. WHY? Cose once you get to know her better and know her flaws, she wouldn't be as perfect as you think. Right now, she seem so perfect to me. Everything about her is perfect but once I get to know her, I think things are gonna change.
2) If I seriously like her, I should go after her. WHY? Cose it will be a wonderful experience to be in love~ Ask Derek.
3) I shouldn't go after her. WHY? Cose I may get rejected. Until this point in life, I never got rejected in my life. As in if I wanted to get something, I always got it. I'm a winner rmb? Hehe, can't stand rejections~
4) I shouldn't go after her. WHY~ Cose I got no time!!! 3 days of school's training every week, 1 day of combined school, sunday got game. So basically I got 5 days of floorball. Plus, just qualified for a geo competition finals. Grand prize is 3k. WOW. But will definitely keep me busy like shyt. And, I still have to study.
So, 5 days of floorball, at least 3 days of GEO competition and 2 days to study. 10 days a week? If I were to add 4 more days for dating? 14 days a week? So I can have 48 hours instead of 24? Haiz...
Me and my doggy~
To go or not to go after her? Let god decide then. Heads, go. Tails, forget it. I've already flipped the coin but I haven looked at the result yet. It's under my keyboard. Seem like I have to wait till I'm ready.
Heads or tails?
School as usual.
Totally had no mood to study for today luh~ Distracted by, I duno what. Just couldn't concentrate. School finally ended at 2.45 after math remedial, which I totally dun understand. WTH is bionomial?
Went back home with Derek. Had a ~LONG~ dicussion whether to or whether not to, ask her out.
Conclusion:
1) If you like a girl a lot, don't approach her. WHY? Cose once you get to know her better and know her flaws, she wouldn't be as perfect as you think. Right now, she seem so perfect to me. Everything about her is perfect but once I get to know her, I think things are gonna change.
2) If I seriously like her, I should go after her. WHY? Cose it will be a wonderful experience to be in love~ Ask Derek.
3) I shouldn't go after her. WHY? Cose I may get rejected. Until this point in life, I never got rejected in my life. As in if I wanted to get something, I always got it. I'm a winner rmb? Hehe, can't stand rejections~
4) I shouldn't go after her. WHY~ Cose I got no time!!! 3 days of school's training every week, 1 day of combined school, sunday got game. So basically I got 5 days of floorball. Plus, just qualified for a geo competition finals. Grand prize is 3k. WOW. But will definitely keep me busy like shyt. And, I still have to study.
So, 5 days of floorball, at least 3 days of GEO competition and 2 days to study. 10 days a week? If I were to add 4 more days for dating? 14 days a week? So I can have 48 hours instead of 24? Haiz...
Me and my doggy~To go or not to go after her? Let god decide then. Heads, go. Tails, forget it. I've already flipped the coin but I haven looked at the result yet. It's under my keyboard. Seem like I have to wait till I'm ready.
Heads or tails?
Thursday, July 1, 2010
Sweetest day I ever had~
1/7/10 Thursday
Today started off super well for me=) Had a super sweet dream, one that I haven had for a very long time. The content... will not be disclosed. So, the dream was so sweet till I did not want to wake up, and in the end, I WOKE UP LATE! If I have these sweets dream ever day, I swear I'll get diabetes. Rushed to school. Did prefect duty at level 5.
Wow, today's assembly was super long. Firstly, the NCC thingy, plus failed flag raising, chinese competition presentation which I think nobody really bothered, and hair check.
Check this out, our school's duck fell into the pond! LOL.
Had lessons till 3.30, came back home straight away. Practise a bit of floorball but was careful not to over-strain my injured knee. Was really very happy today, the sweet dream that I had totally brightened up my day. Thursday was suppose to be the day that I hate most as lessons were until 3.30, but today was totally different. SwEEt~
Really looking forward to see you oneday~
Today started off super well for me=) Had a super sweet dream, one that I haven had for a very long time. The content... will not be disclosed. So, the dream was so sweet till I did not want to wake up, and in the end, I WOKE UP LATE! If I have these sweets dream ever day, I swear I'll get diabetes. Rushed to school. Did prefect duty at level 5.
Wow, today's assembly was super long. Firstly, the NCC thingy, plus failed flag raising, chinese competition presentation which I think nobody really bothered, and hair check.
Check this out, our school's duck fell into the pond! LOL.
Had lessons till 3.30, came back home straight away. Practise a bit of floorball but was careful not to over-strain my injured knee. Was really very happy today, the sweet dream that I had totally brightened up my day. Thursday was suppose to be the day that I hate most as lessons were until 3.30, but today was totally different. SwEEt~
Really looking forward to see you oneday~
Wednesday, June 30, 2010
30/6/10
Wednesday 30/6/10
Haiz, here I am trapped in my room with my computer. By right, at this juncture, I should be training at Coral Sec, figuring out how the other combined schools players execute all their cool moves. But it is better to be safe than sorry, better not strain my ligament or it might just break. Should be back on court by Saturday, I hope.
I'm currently still able to cope with both my studies and floorball. Hopefully I can keep up this good work and not accumulate any of my work.
I’ve read some of your blogs. I just like to clarify something here. Firstly, I did not make the team hold in pumping position because I want to show my authority as captain. What I did was just out of necessity; anybody else in my position would have done that too.
Secondly, doesn’t mean that when I don’t put my weights around you can do whatever you want. I really don’t like to pump or punish my fellow teammates and friends, but yesterday’s issue was totally out of hand, only through punishment then will everybody realise the severity of the incident. Plus, this wasn’t the first time, so I really had to do something to solve this problem. Sorry people!
Give me a break. Get out of my world. I tried to forget you but failed.
To say or not to say?
Does it make a difference anw?
We will never be together either way...
Haiz, here I am trapped in my room with my computer. By right, at this juncture, I should be training at Coral Sec, figuring out how the other combined schools players execute all their cool moves. But it is better to be safe than sorry, better not strain my ligament or it might just break. Should be back on court by Saturday, I hope.
I'm currently still able to cope with both my studies and floorball. Hopefully I can keep up this good work and not accumulate any of my work.
I’ve read some of your blogs. I just like to clarify something here. Firstly, I did not make the team hold in pumping position because I want to show my authority as captain. What I did was just out of necessity; anybody else in my position would have done that too.
Secondly, doesn’t mean that when I don’t put my weights around you can do whatever you want. I really don’t like to pump or punish my fellow teammates and friends, but yesterday’s issue was totally out of hand, only through punishment then will everybody realise the severity of the incident. Plus, this wasn’t the first time, so I really had to do something to solve this problem. Sorry people!
Give me a break. Get out of my world. I tried to forget you but failed.
To say or not to say?
Does it make a difference anw?
We will never be together either way...
Monday, June 28, 2010
Life is a mystery...
There’s two side of me. The usual cheerful and fun-loving side of me and the other whom seldom have yet to seen before, the cold and quiet side of me…
I will live my life the normal way when I’m in the cheerful state of mind but once I switch to the darker side of me, things in my mind start to take a twist and an overwhelming state of coolness will settle down in my body. I seriously dunno how this whole thing works but I will feel a very strong sense of determination to achieve what I want. For example, I will feel the sudden burst to train very hard and that time, I trained a totally of 3 hours at my void deck…
If only I can hold on to this kind of determination to succeed throughout the year, instead of feeling it for only a few minutes… How can I hold on to it?If only I knew the answer...
28th June, Monday
School have finally reopened. The june holidays was over in an blink of an eye. Hiaz, life gets on. Had the usual boring lessons with teachers giving us a whole pile of homework. Made an improvement today by paying more attention in class, I really benefited more but unfortunately, some teachers are still talking crap all day long and didn’t really teach much.
After school, Cren, Derek, Eugene, Ryan and I went to pizza hut for lunch. Tried to convince Eugene to dance but didn’t really manage to change his mind.
Honestly, I don’t blame Eugene. I honestly don’t blame anybody for not dancing. Cose~ I can’t make everybody’s thinking to be alike. Things that I like, people might not like. Personally, I love dancing and I intend to learn some real dancing in the near future, but for some, they don’t intend to do so, so there is no reason I should force them to dance.
A team dance will really benefit us if we can do it well thou. Coordination, gracefulness, confidence, getting into music like how we get into the game, the ability to carry out what was taught, teamwork, flexibility in game and in dancing as well; there are so many things that comes with a single dance. The kind of unity and belonging to the team will be overwhelming, but that will happen if only we can carry out the whole dance successfully.
Most importantly, I want to show everybody that floorballers can do something else other than to play floorball only.
Life is great but reality is harsh. Not everything in life will go in your favour. I just have to do it with 7 men then.
I really want to excel in both my studies and sports. I really need to practice good time management and jungle my time well. I really need to learn to prioritise and do the important things instead of those leisure activities that should only be done during free time. Today, I wasted close to 2 hours just for lunch. Seriously, it is time I learn to manage my time and do things with a plan in mind at all times. Most importantly, put it into action. No delay, once I delay it, god knows when I will finish it.
Darrell Hwaiting! It’s all in the mind~
I will live my life the normal way when I’m in the cheerful state of mind but once I switch to the darker side of me, things in my mind start to take a twist and an overwhelming state of coolness will settle down in my body. I seriously dunno how this whole thing works but I will feel a very strong sense of determination to achieve what I want. For example, I will feel the sudden burst to train very hard and that time, I trained a totally of 3 hours at my void deck…
If only I can hold on to this kind of determination to succeed throughout the year, instead of feeling it for only a few minutes… How can I hold on to it?If only I knew the answer...
28th June, Monday
School have finally reopened. The june holidays was over in an blink of an eye. Hiaz, life gets on. Had the usual boring lessons with teachers giving us a whole pile of homework. Made an improvement today by paying more attention in class, I really benefited more but unfortunately, some teachers are still talking crap all day long and didn’t really teach much.
After school, Cren, Derek, Eugene, Ryan and I went to pizza hut for lunch. Tried to convince Eugene to dance but didn’t really manage to change his mind.
Honestly, I don’t blame Eugene. I honestly don’t blame anybody for not dancing. Cose~ I can’t make everybody’s thinking to be alike. Things that I like, people might not like. Personally, I love dancing and I intend to learn some real dancing in the near future, but for some, they don’t intend to do so, so there is no reason I should force them to dance.
A team dance will really benefit us if we can do it well thou. Coordination, gracefulness, confidence, getting into music like how we get into the game, the ability to carry out what was taught, teamwork, flexibility in game and in dancing as well; there are so many things that comes with a single dance. The kind of unity and belonging to the team will be overwhelming, but that will happen if only we can carry out the whole dance successfully.
Most importantly, I want to show everybody that floorballers can do something else other than to play floorball only.
Life is great but reality is harsh. Not everything in life will go in your favour. I just have to do it with 7 men then.
I really want to excel in both my studies and sports. I really need to practice good time management and jungle my time well. I really need to learn to prioritise and do the important things instead of those leisure activities that should only be done during free time. Today, I wasted close to 2 hours just for lunch. Seriously, it is time I learn to manage my time and do things with a plan in mind at all times. Most importantly, put it into action. No delay, once I delay it, god knows when I will finish it.
Darrell Hwaiting! It’s all in the mind~
Sunday, June 27, 2010
23/6/10 t0 27/6/10
23/6/10 to 27/6/10 Wednesday to Sunday
Feeling pretty down at the moment. Computer got infected by virus!!! Luckily I managed to borrow a laptop from my cousin or you guys are gonna be deprived of some very interesting post your favourite blogger~
-Wednesday 23/6/10
Woke up late, combined my breakfast and lunch together and went off to Combined Schools' training in the heavy rain. Really felt like staying in my cozy and warm bed and hide in my blanket. Singapore Schools? Feels really nice, but the extra commitments and effort we have to put in is also much more.
While you guys stay at home and play dota, I had to run through the rain and attend training. While you guys are fooling around and slacking during training, we are working hard just in order to improve our skills. We have worked towards where we are today, we should take nothing for granted...
-Thursday
Captain? Once again, it sounds good right? The extra commitments and effort put in are all not recognised only. While you guys play dota, I was nearly dying, trying to learn 'bonamana' the night before. I still had to come up with a speech to convince people to dance and beg people to give me support. Spend like one whole day trying to convince Ryan that the dance will be a success.
As planned, the dance session started right after training. After a short persuasion speech by me, I was still pretty disappointed as many of them still left. This time round, I really give up on them. All I wanted them to do was to give it a try. Yet, they didn't even try at all. Showed totally no interest in team affairs. If they were in a rush, at least they could be like Billy. Billy actually made an effort to ask me when is the next dance session. At least he showed some interest unlike the rest. But what enlighten me the most was that some Sec 2s stayed behind!!!
Spent close to 30 minutes trying to entertain the whole group which seem so restless and bored. Had to make a fool of myself just in order to lighten the mood~ And finally, I persuaded them to dance. And in the end, it was a great success!!! It's like a dream come true! Everyone was like super eager to learn the whole dance. Btw, I have completed the entire choreography for the dance!!! I was like super happy when the dance became a success. Could almost feel the strong sense of belonging and unity between us. Wohoo, CHS floorball 2010 'B' div boys have left a mark in history. If this group of us remain just as united, Top '4' is totally possible. All we need to do is to train hard from now on!
-Friday
Went out with my 2-4 buddas! Didn't do much but we really enjoyed ourselves. Lunch at subway, basketball and slacking at coffee shop? Haha, was a great day of slacking anw~
-Saturday
Had a friendly against Argonnauts. Won 9-4? Somewhere there. I was super happy! I played so much better than how I did in training on wednesday. Even assisted a goal=) Wasn't the best of passes but still it was an assist! I felt that I have almost overcome my lack of confidence with the ball. Maybe it's be'cose the opponents are weaker but most importantly, the real battle is in the mind. Confidence, other than skills, the rest will be in the mind, whether I dare to do it. Really need to thank Cren for saying this " Don't worry, you got nothing to lose." Yea, I was too afraid that I will lose the ball and I lost it even faster eventually. I have to regain back my skills, I have to play like how I played in Div 4 when I was in top form.
Watched the South Korea game against Uraguay. They lost, but they played really well. They ran hard and played their best. At the 70th minute mark, the Uraguay's players where all tired and lost their focus while the South Korea's players were still running hard and trying their very best to win back the ball. Although they lost, but the practically dominated the whole of the 2nd period. Fitness, that was the key. Once the South Korea's players fell, they immediately got up. Once they lose the ball, they try to win it back. When the ball was 50-50, they would sprint their guts out just to win the ball.
Mr Han, if you are reading this, I beg you, go down harder on us. Make our physical training even more intense. "Things that doesn't kill you, trains you..."
Since we can't beat other schools with skills and techniques, we shall beat them physically. The reason why we couldn't win for the past 2 years, one major reason was our fitness. We were lazy, we slacked during PT. In the end, we lost out on court physically. Fitness is crucial, if we are tired, we will lose concentration and thus lose out. If a ball is 50-50, we can beat the opponent if we are faster and stronger. If we fail to track back just because we are too tired, all we can blame is ourselves, as we are not fit enough.
-Sunday
Went out with my family, went for lunch and went to the museum. Was pretty fun. Had a lousy haircut AND the geo project which I spent 2 hours doing is gone. Fuck.
Feeling pretty down at the moment. Computer got infected by virus!!! Luckily I managed to borrow a laptop from my cousin or you guys are gonna be deprived of some very interesting post your favourite blogger~
-Wednesday 23/6/10
Woke up late, combined my breakfast and lunch together and went off to Combined Schools' training in the heavy rain. Really felt like staying in my cozy and warm bed and hide in my blanket. Singapore Schools? Feels really nice, but the extra commitments and effort we have to put in is also much more.
While you guys stay at home and play dota, I had to run through the rain and attend training. While you guys are fooling around and slacking during training, we are working hard just in order to improve our skills. We have worked towards where we are today, we should take nothing for granted...
-Thursday
Captain? Once again, it sounds good right? The extra commitments and effort put in are all not recognised only. While you guys play dota, I was nearly dying, trying to learn 'bonamana' the night before. I still had to come up with a speech to convince people to dance and beg people to give me support. Spend like one whole day trying to convince Ryan that the dance will be a success.
As planned, the dance session started right after training. After a short persuasion speech by me, I was still pretty disappointed as many of them still left. This time round, I really give up on them. All I wanted them to do was to give it a try. Yet, they didn't even try at all. Showed totally no interest in team affairs. If they were in a rush, at least they could be like Billy. Billy actually made an effort to ask me when is the next dance session. At least he showed some interest unlike the rest. But what enlighten me the most was that some Sec 2s stayed behind!!!
Spent close to 30 minutes trying to entertain the whole group which seem so restless and bored. Had to make a fool of myself just in order to lighten the mood~ And finally, I persuaded them to dance. And in the end, it was a great success!!! It's like a dream come true! Everyone was like super eager to learn the whole dance. Btw, I have completed the entire choreography for the dance!!! I was like super happy when the dance became a success. Could almost feel the strong sense of belonging and unity between us. Wohoo, CHS floorball 2010 'B' div boys have left a mark in history. If this group of us remain just as united, Top '4' is totally possible. All we need to do is to train hard from now on!
-Friday
Went out with my 2-4 buddas! Didn't do much but we really enjoyed ourselves. Lunch at subway, basketball and slacking at coffee shop? Haha, was a great day of slacking anw~
-Saturday
Had a friendly against Argonnauts. Won 9-4? Somewhere there. I was super happy! I played so much better than how I did in training on wednesday. Even assisted a goal=) Wasn't the best of passes but still it was an assist! I felt that I have almost overcome my lack of confidence with the ball. Maybe it's be'cose the opponents are weaker but most importantly, the real battle is in the mind. Confidence, other than skills, the rest will be in the mind, whether I dare to do it. Really need to thank Cren for saying this " Don't worry, you got nothing to lose." Yea, I was too afraid that I will lose the ball and I lost it even faster eventually. I have to regain back my skills, I have to play like how I played in Div 4 when I was in top form.
Watched the South Korea game against Uraguay. They lost, but they played really well. They ran hard and played their best. At the 70th minute mark, the Uraguay's players where all tired and lost their focus while the South Korea's players were still running hard and trying their very best to win back the ball. Although they lost, but the practically dominated the whole of the 2nd period. Fitness, that was the key. Once the South Korea's players fell, they immediately got up. Once they lose the ball, they try to win it back. When the ball was 50-50, they would sprint their guts out just to win the ball.
Mr Han, if you are reading this, I beg you, go down harder on us. Make our physical training even more intense. "Things that doesn't kill you, trains you..."
Since we can't beat other schools with skills and techniques, we shall beat them physically. The reason why we couldn't win for the past 2 years, one major reason was our fitness. We were lazy, we slacked during PT. In the end, we lost out on court physically. Fitness is crucial, if we are tired, we will lose concentration and thus lose out. If a ball is 50-50, we can beat the opponent if we are faster and stronger. If we fail to track back just because we are too tired, all we can blame is ourselves, as we are not fit enough.
-Sunday
Went out with my family, went for lunch and went to the museum. Was pretty fun. Had a lousy haircut AND the geo project which I spent 2 hours doing is gone. Fuck.
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