Life is great but reality is harsh...

NEW BLOG!

2011-02-24T21:27:00.001+08:00

HEY, CHECK OUT MY NEW BLOG! www.darrell21.tumblr.com

Relink ty!

Erm, just wanna try tumblr since it looks more fun than blogger. Will still be posting regularly so do visit the new blog!

!!!

2011-02-22T21:17:00.004+08:00

I'm under immense stress from my life! So gonna break down.

Stress over? I also dunno.

Hmmn, 7-1. Decent scoreline, scored 1. Okay, just to clarify, I really did touch the ball but it did not go the way I intended it to go only. In other words, I missed the ball totally but it still went in the direction of the goal and the keeper fumbled and TADA, that was how the goal was scored.

Hmmn, just have to beat Bedok Town 2 days from now to top the group. VS, BS, Northbrooks. Can't believe everything is laid right in front of us, the path to Top 4 is right in front of our eyes. The path that will lead us to what we have been longing for, Top 4. Everything is set in place now. All that is left is for us to win the games that we need to win. Simple and easy. Top 4 is finally within our grasp, not a dream anymore.

Regardless of how much i want to get Top 4, there is still a little struggle in me cose... I know once the season is over the few of us might not be as close as we are now. Or will we not? Anyway, the celebration when we get Top 4 is so short. Rather it be like now...

But

2011-02-22T18:29:00.003+08:00

But when I decided to send you a message, I changed my mind. Cose no matter how much I try to convince myself, I know it is impossible between us.

When I was about to land my hands on the keyboard to write something in the message, I could not think of anything to write, cose... we got really nothing in common.

Time to stop dreaming... haiz

It's time..

2011-02-22T18:22:00.000+08:00

Guess it's time for me to make the first step...

Giving up

2011-02-20T19:55:00.002+08:00

Sometimes it is just so easy to give up and let it all go but when we look back, we realised that we should have hang on.

So darn stressed up right now.

I can just think that prelim 1 is just a short 45min test and not mug but I know this results might be important for dsa.

Haiz, already coming to the end of the weekend and I can't even decide whether I want to study anot. Worse still, whether I can study anot... Just can't seem to concentrate when I sit down and just can seem to do any work.

Sometimes, I seriously hate myself.

Feel like crying now. Maybe I will. Think I will, just to relieve stress.

FML.

Memories

2011-02-15T21:20:00.001+08:00

Some memories are just too precious...

Me

2011-02-15T20:52:00.003+08:00

Sometimes I really find myself to be someone I have yet to understand very well. Inside my mind is just like a maze, one that I've yet to solve. At many points in my life, I have surprised myself by doing something that I've never dreamt that I could do. Alternatively, I find myself unable to certain stuffs no matter how hard I try.

It really makes me wonder what kind of being I am. What things that lie in me have I not found out yet? That is why I like saying ' Never underestimate yourself', because too many times I've proven myself wrong.

And many times I do not understand myself, could not understand why I'm feeling emotions that I could not even comprehend. For example, everytime I watch certain k-pop MVs or related programme, it will get be all stirred up just by imagining the competitiveness that is present between all the idol group in korea. There just seem to be a burning fire inside me that will ignite and get me all fired up just to think of all the hard work those groups put in just to make their group become even better, become even more successful. I really don't know how to explain it in words but that is the kind of feeling I get sometimes.

I always thought I knew inside out what kind of person I am but I'm wrong I guess cose I don't think I know myself well enough yet.

Haiz East View 2morow. This B div will be a very memorable one for me. Just hope that this season will be one that is worth remembering, one that ends in victory. Cose I don't want to have any regrets in the future.

Unprepared

2011-02-13T20:29:00.004+08:00

2011 has been a really tough one for me, so many things have happened in this short 1 and half months. Some many things out there for me to realize, so many things that I got to accept regardless of what.

It did seem to me that I have learnt an invaluable lesson in APAC. It got me to realise that I'm not as good as I thought I was. Maybe I was better than many in the past but reality is harsh, now's the other way round. I just got to accept humbly that I'm no longer THAT good. I didn't deprove but its just that the rest are improving much faster than I am. I used to think that all the Div 1 games, CS trainings and my personal trainings on my own would be more than enough to put me above the rest but it apparently wasn't true. All this thoughts that I was BETTER made me lazy and I slacked off. I did not train on my own as I used to do and I did not take all the trainings as seriously as I did before plainly because I thought I was superior. But now facts have changed and it is no longer a matter of confidence in my skills or anything, it is just that I got nothing to show at all. It is not that I could show my skills because I'm lacking in confidence, it is because I got nothing in my pocket at all.

Humble. This is a word that I've learnt, a word which I now fully understand what it means. If an athlete isn't humble enough, he will not be able to learn as much as he use to.

Was chatting with Yuha yesterday when the 4 of us went to watch the conference games. He was telling us why the Finish were all so damn good in floorball and the conclusion was: Hard work. All the players trained since young and all train very hard to achieve the skill they have. There is no shortcut to success. No champion is born overnight.

“The secret behind success is hard work.” This is the phrase that I’ve learnt in the past 1 and half months. It’s time I learn to be humble and work towards my goals. It is quite distinct to me that I’m improving at a slower rate as compared to the past. No room for slacking, no room for arrogance. It’s time I push myself down all the way down to the bottom and start from scratch. Train like how I train in the past, learning and picking up skills from every player that I see. Train on my own and try to decipher the theory behind his technique. Haha, it really makes me laugh at how I used to train… But I guess it did work pretty well for me.

Time to forget that I’m a CS player, that I went to APAC, that I used to be the MVP. Back to being a floorballer with no recognitions or achievements. Guess I can learn better since I will not look down on any players and therefore allow me to absorb as much as I can from him=) I used to take Ryan’s comments offensively and take it that he is trying to put me down but I no longer take it the same way anymore. Now I just listen and absorb what he got to say and try to improvise on what he thinks I’m weak at. Even though it is really hard to take his comments as all his comments will just come straight in the face without a trace of lenience, I guess I just have to accept them. Sometimes it is good to learn to accept reality even though it’s harsh.

B div currently ongoing. No chance from errors. Can’t be a ‘burden’ to the team like cren always used to say… he still says it now though. Everybody worked hard for this and I really want it to end in victory. If we qualify for Top 8, which we will, either way getting 1st or 2nd in the group, we will still meet either BM or VS. But getting 1st in the group will allow us to get Top 4 easier of course. Getting Top 4 is really something that I want badly.

Prelim 1 is freaking screwed. Totally didn’t study during this weekend. I can either: Decide that I’m really screwed and there is no point in studying OR try my best not to screw up so badly. Guess I will take the 2nd option… Really want to do better in my studies but I guess the past 1 and half months didn’t really allow me much time to mug properly.

Just got to accept life and keep pushing myself. Top 4 is my utmost priority now but that doesn’t even me a reason to neglect my studies. Guess I just have to accept the fact that I’m going to do really badly for Prelim 1 before it even starts.

Used to have 4 dreams for my future but I guess I will just reduce to 2 now. Realize that it is almost impossible to fulfill all 4 though I really want to. Got to be more realistic.

Hwaiting Darrell!

Arrr

2011-02-04T22:13:00.000+08:00

Gosh, need to wake up so early 2morow...

Sick

2011-02-01T17:35:00.001+08:00

Really sucks to be sick right before cny... Haiz, and had to miss training.

Will post about Perth if i'm free and have the mood to do so.

Off to Australia~

2011-01-24T14:40:00.001+08:00

Bye ppl! Don't miss me too much=)

A journey to let myself be more calm, composed and collected=)

~

2011-01-23T22:50:00.001+08:00

Need to be more dangerous on court...
And I shall prove it to everybody, including myself...

Bleez

2011-01-23T22:09:00.003+08:00

Decided to blog again since I wouldn't be able to do it anytime soon.

Hmmn, recall Cren saying that I'm too 'expressive' on court. Maybe I should change. Must learn to control myself even though I'm not really stirred either >.< cool=")">

Oya, went queensway to get court shoes. Got one, went back home and my mum say she cant accept red shoes so went back to change. Change to another 127 bucks Asics! Woohoo! The top-up my dad pay!

Ready to fly

Confidence

2011-01-23T17:22:00.002+08:00

Think I'm having some doubts in my life cose I'm pretty low on confidence right now. Not really targeted at floorball specifically but includes many other things in my life as well. Haha, guess it is just another of my teenage angst. Part and parcel of life I guess.

Life for 2011 is really busy for me and I really like it, being able to live every single second with a purpose in mind. Can’t imagine how boring my life would be after the finals of the B div end... Haha, I really believe that we can do it=) Probably be mugging everyday but it is for a greater cause... Have to work for my ‘future’.

8-0. Pretty good match since the opponent is not really some easy pushover. But for me, it was not really a good game for me. Didn’t really play very well. Well, Jarryl did great as usual. Steady as a rock.

Heard from the stands people murmuring that ‘CHS the players all from CS one.” Judging from how I played, I’m really not playing to how a CS school player should be playing. I look, ordinary. Ahhh, I really got lots of things that I need to improve on if I really want to be better.

Watched Jian Hong owning on court and it really hit me that there is such a vast difference between me and him even though we are actually playing together as forward partners. Burden, like what cren always say. Really feel inferior whenever I go for CS training. Really feel very lousy there. But I think it lies more on confidence than anything else.

Flying off 2morow. Really hope this trip is worthwhile. One week of lessons and $. But I will of course regret if I didn’t go so=)

I’m really very vexed right now, really want to get myself to be what I’m hoping to be like. Walking with a sense of purpose everyday, doing things my style regardless of what others might think, be more confident and organised.

“Dreams are often unrealistic and impossible but as long as we have enough courage and determination, we can make the impossible possible.”

“To be one that one dream of, attaining perfection.”

Oya, to whoever you are: Don’t talk to you in that tone until I’m a national player? I make sure that turns into reality one day. I’m SOOOOO gonna kick your ass on court. Wait and see.

TO Darrell: CONFIDENCE! CONFIDENCE! CONFIDENE! Don’t underestimate yourself Darrell! Think about how much you have been through! You are a winner, you are gifted. You have been through hell before! Nothing should ever knock you down! YOU CAN DO IT! You got it! It is in you already! Just need to be confident! Don’t let one or two obstacles stop you from reaching your goal! You got to trust yourself.

Phew, hope that it helps me to gain confidence=)

Me

2011-01-20T22:34:00.002+08:00

Ahhh, really had enough of everything. Literally everything, from an electron to the whole world out there.

Sick and tired of being ( ), just wanna be myself. I'm not going to think about how others view me anymore, I'll just be myself. Shall just do things the way I want. Heck with the world. I'm just gonna be me.

SNSD new collaboration

2011-01-20T22:17:00.000+08:00

Moving on

2011-01-19T17:21:00.002+08:00

Hmmn, 30-1. Looks good, sounds good, suppose to be very good.

Well, went to watch the video that was posted on youtube, realised that we could have done much better. Seriously, much much better. Watching the video also allowed me to pinpoint out some of my mistakes in the game. This time it was an easy opponent, but when we meet a strong foe... committing this tiny mistakes could cost a game.

I'm not really getting stressed over whether we can get Top 4 anymore. The standard of our game play is more or less fixed already. Maybe we can improve a little but most of the improvement should have came during nov/dec. Now there isn't much we can do either. If we are really good, really capable of winning Top 4, we will. The system in which the season is run, is very fair. The better team proceeds on and the weaker teams gets out. The best teams will never meet, until the reach they finals if they win every single game. So if VS wins every game and we win all of ours too, we will only meet them in the finals. The better team will be victorious, not much luck is involved in the season at all. The court is a place where skills and hard work speaks for itself...

So now what I'm hoping for isn't to enter every round hopeful that we meet weak teams but that we play to our best for every game. If we got it, we will get it.

To Joshua: Even though you didn't score goals, every goal our line scores is the effort of the whole line. So no goals is mine, or Jarryl's or Cren's. It is ours, the whole team's goal. We are one, we score as one, concede as one, win as one and lose as one. We are one team=)

I'm really hoping to step up my game play to the next level asap.

Hopefully APAC will be the boost that I need. Really want CHS FB to make history, and make ourselves proud. We trained hard for this, I hope we really do deserve it.

What now?

2011-01-16T19:51:00.002+08:00

What to do now? I'm really lost. Why am I having so much doubts about the way i'm living my life right now?

Hope I'm making the right choice now. What kind of life do i really want? I can't even answer that question.

Haha, one thing is for sure. I want to trash Shu Qun 2morow. AND, I want my Top 4.

Godness-es

2011-01-16T17:11:00.002+08:00

Jarryl...

2011-01-15T15:19:00.001+08:00

Jarryl, get well soon.

Loner

2011-01-14T18:18:00.002+08:00

Its really scary to walk this path alone
but think I will be better off alone.

Pleased

2011-01-10T18:19:00.002+08:00

That's the only word I can think of right now. Pleased with my result, pleased with the result of my little hard work I had put in, pleased with myself for scoring an A1!

I was quite lucky this time. I know my own chinese standard pretty well and... Yea, was lucky this time. Still, I got to recognise the hard work I put in to achieve this A1. Yea~ My mum decided to give me 200 bucks to spend in Australia!!! Yahooooo~ (Googleeee!!!~)

I was happy for 5 seconds after I recieved the result slip then I settled down after that. You are going to hate me for saying this but, THIS IS ONLY ONE FRESKING SUBJECT> IT IS NOT LIKE YOU SCORED ALL A1 FOR ALL YOUR SUBJECTS RIGHT! SO CHILL PEOPLE! NO BIG DEAL, 88% OF THE COHORD SCORED As SO NOTHING THAT WE REALLY COULD BE VERY PROUD OF. PLUS, O LEVEL IS LESS THAN 300 DAYS AWAY SO IF YOU WANNA GET A1s FOR THE OTHER SUBJECTS, FORGET ABOUT THIS A1 FOR THIS *1* PIECE OF PAPER AND WORK HARD ON THE OTHER SUBJECTS! Haha, sorry for ranting. hehe

Erm, right now my priority is floorball. APAC and B div is just round the corner and after this 2 competitions are over, other than Div 1, I got not much floorball action left anyway. Will shift my priorities back to studies then. NOW? Floorball.

Still struggling to believe that I'm actually talented in floorball. Just can't believe that is the truth. I feel average~ Arrgh, this is getting retarded. "Never underestimate yourself." That was what I said and NOW? I'm underestimating myself... Gosh, what's wrong with me...

BM match is after CNY. Haha, like Eugene said, left the big showdown after CNY. Will be awaiting it. Actually, if you ask me honestly, I would rather play against powerhouse like VS and BM in B div. Cose if we really win them, then it is really skill that got us the Top 4, not luck. We can do it people. I don't care now, whatever school that is in our way to Top 4, we are going to beat them. Yea. BRING IT ON! CHS is waiting right here for you...

Shadow

2011-01-09T19:03:00.002+08:00

I keep visualising myself playing floorball at my best. But that person that is playing is not me, it is always somebody else, somebody that I admire for his skills (this person change over time).

I'm like always hiding behind another person's shadow, unsure of my own skills.

I should be myself, play like how I always play, MY PLAYING STYLE but I can't seem to believe myself that I'm actually good enough. I always think that I'm not good enough yet.

What am I good at anw? That is the question I've been asking myself.

To break my limit, that is to discover what kind of player I am. What's my strength and weakness, I must know.

To be the player which I visualise in my dreams

2011

2011-01-06T21:35:00.002+08:00

Wow. Just 3 days. 3 days was all it took for me to clearly understand what my 2011 life is gonna be like.

Erm, 5 training a week. Sunday and Monday I'm floorball-free.
Remedial every single day.
Tons of homework from all subjects.
Gonna be off for APAC on the 25th to 31st, missing 1 week of school.
B div coming really soon, pressure and stress is building up.

January will be the busiest period for 2011. 2 competitions coming up at around the same time and prelim 1 in feb, side by side with B div.

Just 2 trainings and I'm on the brink of collapsing already. I don't know how long I can last before I'm outta gas but I ain't gonna give up just yet.

I really believe that " To be tired physically is a joy, to be tired mentally is weak." Even though I'm really worn-out, I'm feeling great, cose I know by doing so I'm making full use of my time and energy. The hardest thing though, is getting up from bed in the morning. I know I have to get on with life, get on with the lessons in school, remedial after school and training in the evening but I just can't bring myself out of bed. Tired, lack of sleep, lack of rest. Sleeping will solve it all but I can't afford to just lie there. I got a life to manage. It might be a busy and hectic one but I love it. I say FML but deep inside me, I knew that I'm doing the right thing.

Not everybody has so many commitments to attend. To be busy and living my life to its fullest, it is a pleasure for me. It may be hard, but I'm sure it's worthwhile.

CS training yesterday was hell. PT. Gosh, I slacked and now I'm feeling really bad about it. "If you want to succeed, you got to take the pain. No pain, no gain." Yea. If I can't endure the pain, I will never be able to succeed. You think Usain Bolt, Messi and SNSD all happily rise to where they are today>? Hard work and tons of pain and endurance brought them to where they are today. Snsd sleep like 3 to 4 hours a day. I'm sleeping so much more than them. If I want to succeed and be like them, I got to work as hard as they do.

2011, it may be a tough year but it will be a good and meaningful one.

Didn't play well today, spotted my flaws and got to work on it asap. Getting selected for APAC is my honour and I got to give it my best.

DARRELL, ALL THE WAY!

***

I'm crying cose I can't have you~

My Heart

2011-01-04T16:42:00.003+08:00

My Heart Is Dying of Heatstroke.

ARRRRRRRR~ Save me~

Happy New Year~

2011-01-03T19:42:00.004+08:00

Happy New Year~ A bit late but still Happy New Year~~~

Haha, yesterday was pretty fun for me. Met up with my primary school friends=) 4 of us decided to meet earlier for a movie. TRON... Haha, a bit old but haven watch yet so... Was cool, but the ending is stupid. Good guys always wins. Like the gears. Boomerang~

Erm, then we travelled to Bishan after the movie. Ate macs myself, the other 3 wanted to save their stomach for the bbq. Went NTUC to get food. Disastrous >.<>.<

So chit-chat and eat. My primary school form teacher finally came. Well, ate and talked.

Just joke around, take pictures and she left early cose she got something on...

We loitered till 9.30 and all of us left.

Was fun=) Always nice to meet up with old friends once in a while~ It was awkward at first, still very awkward at the end but much lesser. Not as close as before, but not too bad. Was fun to get to know what is going on in each other's lives.

Shocking secrets, but more or less expected.

***

Its a new year~ School is gonna start 2morow=( Life goes on still. At least I'm looking forward to meeting up with my classmates=) Janurary, hopefully I can go APAC, will be looking forward to that.

Feburary, B div. Haha, will be looking forward to it. Definitely gonna be an interesting year for CHS B div. Either making history or nothing. I will definitely make sure I'm ready. At least, I can promise that.

***

You make my heart~beat.

ARHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Just realised how far we are apart, how distant we are. We got nothing in common

My Trip to China~

2010-12-31T10:47:00.015+08:00

Yo peeps, I'm back~ Finally~ The wonderful smell of HOME~ Miss you guys~ Grats on your victory~ 17-1, 5-0 =)

Wow, 7 days was fast, in an blink of an eye, it's over~ Well, this trip is a very relaxing one, no vigorous routine, just going to temples and various tourist attractions. Plenty of rest time and the schedule was not tight. To put in another light, it is freaking boring!!! Haha, but it's always an enjoyment to be able to spend time with your family=) Though the trip was boring, we made it fun=)

Day 1 - Well, it started off pretty badly for me, cose I was having running nose! Darn~ Woke up at 5.30am, reached the airport at 6.15am. Checked in luggage and went for breakfast at Burger King. Took the plane at 8 plus. Arrived at Xiamen at noon. Nothing much about the flight cose I was half-awake/half-asleep throughout the flight @.@

So we met up with the local tour guide(male) and the other 2 people that is with us for this trip. In total, there is only 6 of us for this trip. My family of 4 + the 2. Well, those 2 person are in their 50+, 60? Really nice people, only to be known as auntie uncle=). The tour guide was a nice guy too. So off we went to our 1st stop, a temple.

Okay, I didn't listen to the tour guide when he was explaining the history of the temple nor did I bother to remember the name of that temple. So, let's just skip this part okay=)?

But when we were about to leave, something epic happened. Our tour guide's phone rang, and his ringtone was GEE! I was like OMG~ Didn't have the courage to ask him then whether he was an SNSD fan. I was sure I when have my chance soon=)

Went to the hotel. Took a tube bath and slept. I had around 2 hours so I got plenty of time to bathe=) Spent around an hour in the bath. Shiok to the max...

We were suppose to gather at 6 at the hotel lobby but me and my sis went down early. So as we were chit-chatting with the tour guide, he mentioned that he is a very old-fashioned person. HERE CAME MY CHANCE. So I asked him why his ringtone was such a new song, somemore, a korean song, GEE~

HIS ANSWER - Cose it is loud enough.

I was like ... Actually, a lot of things in life is very simple. It is us that try to make it complicated. Why did I think that he was an SNSD fan in the 1st place? He only used GEE as his ringtone cose it is loud enough to be heard. Simple.

"Many things in life is very simple but we tend to make things complicated." Relationship for once, is complicated=)

Dinner and went to watch a performance before returning to the hotel to sleep. The performance was the traditional kind so~ boring~

Night time was nice. Me and my sister were sharing secrets. Her's were pretty normal. But when she heard mine, she was like OMG. Haha, shall not tell you the details=)

Day 2- Breakfast ( They only like have porridge with side dishes?!? Where's my bacon ham and omlette!!!). There was an egg station but the guy was only cooking fried egg while I wanted scrambled egg... So how do you say scrambled egg in chinese??? So I said in chinese, " I want the egg where you crack and anyhow cook." And tada!!! That was how I got my scrambled egg=)

Went to an island to tour. Once again, it was quite boring. Lunch came shortly cose we spent like 2.5 hours on that island that had nothing that is interesting! Cool thing is that island does not allow cars!

After lunch was... I can't remember...@.@

Day 3 - Hmmn, breakfast again. No scrambled egg this time. Spent 3 hours on the van to go to our next destination, ( ) yea, I don't know what's the name of the place >.<

Had lunch and went to visit the place where we are suppose to visit. It's like ancient houses. The interesting thing about this place was that it was a few hundred years old and still standing=) Plus, the whole structure of the house did not have a single nail. Only wood and rock/clay.

Went for foot massage. The massager don't dare to press to hard cose I'm underage... So not very enjoyable.

Drove to the hotel. Dinner. Went to to night market there. Bought a pair of sneakers, a basketball (for Eugene cose I lost his) and a pair of jeans.

Day 4 - Another 3 hour journey on the van. Stopped for lunch at a resturant selling tea products. FYI, every single meal they serve you tea in China! Tea everywhere, people drink tea like they drink water. I'm serious. Even the rice, is GREEN TEA RICE!

Reached our destination, Guanzhou. Took a trishaw ride around the place.
Stopped at a shop to try some snacks.

Next, went to a temple, again... Had some time so went to a shop and played chinese chess with the tour guide. Won the 1st round and sorta win the 2nd round cose we needed to go and I ate one of his impt piece then he sorta give up. Actually, I was not really bothered about winning or losing, just have fun.

" Life is not always about winning."

Had dinner and went to a 'water spraying' garden. It's like the one you see in Sentosa, they spray water then got animation on top. Nothing much.

Day 5- A historic house in the morning. Bought some crystal pigs there =) 2 bucks only=) Things in China is really cheap.

Went to a mini amusement park. me and sister went for the bumper ride. Freaking retarded since we are the only 2 that are driving... with 5,6 little kids looking at us...

Went to another temple.

Lunch.

Shopping in the afternoon.

Shopping again at night.

Shopping day~

Bought a school bag, school shoe and a vest! The vest where people wear on the outside during important events! Mine was 16 bucks! Haha, don't need to worry that much on what to wear for grad night =) Got the vest le~
Erm the picture is not the vest, just me on the streets=)

Day 6- 4 hours on the van, again. Came back to Xiamen. Had lunch and went to the hot spring.

Hot spring was quite fun. Seem like bathing in hot water everyday paid off. I was able to get into the super scorching hot spring! There is the less hot and the hotter one. The hotter one is really hot. Went around to try all the different kind of hot spring, peppermint, herbs and alot more that I can't remember. Didn't really like it cose it makes you sweat. Stuffy. Prefer cooling sensations=)

Enquiries- Was the hot spring seperate into male and female? Ans : No.

Enquiries- So what was everybody wearing? Ans: We all had towels.

Dinner.
Sat a boat/cruise that went around for 2 hours.

Went to a mountain peak to enjoy the night scenery. Was nice, and COLD~

Day 7 - Went to a cannon historic site. Once again, boring~

Shopping, bought nothing... Had steamboat for lunch. It was kinda nice BUT Super Oily. ! ! ! Then I thought of a person...

Went to the airport and BAOM! Here I am in Singapore=)
It was a nice break from my busy and hectic schedule. It also allowed me to look at the people in China and it allowed me to realise how fortunate I was. It gave me a new surge of determination to work harder and cherish my life=)

Sore throat>>> Fever soon. !!! NOOO~

Bye

2010-12-23T17:45:00.000+08:00

Off to china in 12 hours.

Bye everybody.

Buffet Lunch Disaster~

2010-12-23T12:25:00.002+08:00

Blank

2010-12-23T11:55:00.003+08:00

My mind is in a blank now...

Firstly, I still got some undone holiday homework and I'm leaving 2morow. By the time I come back, I only got 2 days left. Damn. Of course, I can chiong finish everything in those 2 days if I really want to. At most take 8 hours? I don't really care about homework anymore anyway.

Secondly, I'm leaving 2morow and I don't even know where exactly of China I'm heading to!!! I didn't pack anything. Left everything to my mum. So I don't even know what clothes I have brought or what things I'm bringing there. Unprepared.

Thirdly... I say I wanna change for the better but I don't see any difference. Got to try harder.

7 days.
7 days to relax.
7 days to have fun.
7 days without floorball.
9 more days to school reopen.
Less than 300 days to O levels.
Is it too late now?

Dream

2010-12-22T14:48:00.002+08:00

Life is so boring... Even when I have my computer right in front of me, I got nothing that I want to do. I'm like just wasting my life away... I really got nothing I want to do. Nothing at all... For once, my life feel so meaningless, without any aim or desire that I wanna fulfill...

***

Dreams. Dreams are always so nice, so perfect. When we dream of something, it is always the way we wanted it to be. Some dreams are easy to fulfill, but most are not. That why it will always remain as a dream, cose we will never be able to fulfill it.

Chasing dreams... we will always be one step behind it since we are in pursuit.
Fulfilling dreams... it only means we will get closer and closer to completing our dreams.

It is never easy to dare to dream of something that is seemingly impossible to fulfill. But what life is all about. Fulfilling dreams.

I'm sure SNSD did not ever dream of being who they are today when they were young. As they grew, they dared to dream of a future they never thought would ever happen, but it did.

Dream big. It is never easy to be the best, but dare to dream and work towards it. The working process is tedious and straining, but it is really up to one to endure and not give up.

Lionel Messi, Beyonce, Bill Gates. They are all human, same as all of us. We are all the same but why is it that they are so sucessful? Why they can be the best in their various aspect of their life but so many were unable to? Why were they able to be the 1 out of millions whom would like to be who they are today?

Dream BIG. Never underestimate yourself.

Today

2010-12-20T16:03:00.002+08:00

Today was a rather good day for me. 6-6. Better than I could imagine.

But just wanna bring across to message to everybody, it is good to know that we are somewhere close to VS standard, BUT we got to understand that they had a few missing players (Judging from their numbers) and they definitely wasn't playing to their best yet. Maybe 80% or less WHILE we were close to ur 90%. I mean, when did we play so well? To be truthful, I think that was more or less what we are capable of only. We don't have anything left. That was all we got. If VS was to play better than what they did today, I honestly don't think we can hold them at 6-6.

All of their players are good, of a minimum standard at least, while we still got sereval players that still need to catch up. They got a steady bench and the reserves are capable of filling in whenever they are needed and yet keep the standard up. If we were to require a change in our line-up, there is definitely a certain drop in standard for the whole line.

All I got to say is this, we are close but not there yet. We still have plenty of room for improvement and right now I can only say that we are capable of entering the 2nd round. Top 4? Maybe, but still got some way to go. Going Top 4 means that we have to beat schools like Northland, VS, East View, Teck Whye, Bedok South, Coral, and if worst come to worst, Bukit Merah. For the 2nd round, if we want to qualify, we can only lose to one team. Are you confident that we can beat VS when we meet them in B div in 1 month or so?

***

Pizza hut was nice. Was rather decent meal at that price.

A new journey

2010-12-17T20:36:00.002+08:00

Decided on something that I will not regret nor give up. I'm gonna work hard from now on.

Sounds very ordinary but this time I'm seriously gonna do it. Work hard on my studies, floorball, personality and practically, everything. Do things which I dreamt of doing. Dreaming of it is not enough, I shall go ahead and do it.

Time really files. It only fly past you when you do not cherish it. From now on, I shall make better use of my time and make sure I don't waste a single second anymore. It WILL be hard, no doubts about that but that shouldn't stop me from doing it.

"Something that is hard to achieve is something that is worth working for."

Changes will not come overnight. I just got to take it one step at a time then. Gradually but eventually. I'm starting RIGHT NOW and not wait till 2011 or wait till end of chinese new year but I'm starting now. Cose~ I got no time to waste and it doesn't really matter when I start does it? All that matters is that I START.

Really, what my parents say do make sense afterall. I was childish, immature. All I thought was to enjoy life. I'm so glad they did not give up on me or I would have long destroyed my own future. Even though I was rebellious and said nasty things to them but they never gave up on me. NEVER. They loved me. It's time I make amends. It's time I do what is right. I dream of my future, and I got to work towards it. Step by step, but I must not falter. Already deleted my warcraft and garena. That was my first step but I must not give up along the way. Talk (or writing about it) is cheap, actions speaks louder than words. No point thinking and saying so much. It is all down to doing it. So FULL-STOP.

~~~

O yea, SNSD won the Music Bank award with Oh~ SNSD jiang~ They derserve it anw. Oya, got the Hoot album=) Ty Seh Hian for helping me buy it =) Really love it. really got no idea why I love SNSD so much but they are a true source of inspiration FOR ME. So to people like Eugene or Jarryl, don't mistaken me for some idiot that is following k-pop cause it is the trend. I appreciate chinese music but SNSD serves as role models to me and motivates me to work hard. Yea?~

Went to read about this music bank event. Lots of good performance but I shall not waste time to watch it. Got to spend lesser time youtubing and more time doing more meaningful stuffs. Too much of anything is bad=)

~~~

Friendly with St Gabs. Honestly, found it rather easy, they posed not much of a trend but still learnt and spotted lots of mistake in my gameplay. Severe mistakes somemore... Didn't score any goals, wasn't very surprised. Mainly cose I'm not supplied with the passes in front of goal and more importantly is that it was my shooting. Could have netted a few if not for my poor marksmanship. The strength and accuracy was horribly wrong. Okay, maybe its my new blade but mainly it is me. Found myself making the play more than usual. Haha, normally I will leave that to Jarryl and Cren but since they are not around... I got to do it. Didn't do it well but not too bad I hope. So glad joshua is back in action=) Solid board passes and defending on the left side again=) Grats on your hat-trick josh! You derserve it totally. You worked hard for those goals!

At least this friendly let me know what areas I got to work on... And I got to cool down a little on court. Slightly too physical. Need to know when to get physical and when NOT to... >.<

VS game shall be a good guage for us. My prediction > lose by 4 or less. I'm so gonna play my best on monday!! Oya, high chance of going Kbox after the match on monday.

~~~

Shall promise to blog and update my blog more often from now ( since dota and youtube is gonna be greatly reduced )...

Yeah. A much needed break. Off to China in the early morning on 24th, friday. My last training is on thursday 23th. Any request for presents? Say now. Not too expensive ones >.<

***

I'm so tired. So tired. Really need a break badly. Need a break from everything. Just wanna relax and enjoy myself as I forget about everything here.

Fucking irresponsible I was. This was not the first time already. Got to wake up my idea. If I wanna lead, then I got to do it well. If not... I might as well not do it...

Thought I saw you, again. Guess I miss you too much...

^^

2010-12-12T18:10:00.003+08:00

Got nothing to write about in particular. Just gonna put bits of bits of things to form a post.

Hmmn, first thing to come to my mind now is my new blade? Ok, they colour doesn't fit (I like it that way), and it's hard to use. Even though the blade was no different from my previous one, but this one somehow feels different... Problems should be with the shape and the smooth bottom of the blade. Fixed the shape to my 'style' already, though I can't seem to bend the pocket. The bottom part of the blade being too smooth... Got no idea how I'm gonna fix that but hope I can adapt asap.

Next>? Jessica got molested?

Got this picture from a link JY gave me. Not feeling angry or anything, nothing I can do anyway. Just feel a little disturbed that my 'princess' was touched... Anyway, she's the princess for the whole floorball team right! haha. Feeling pretty sad for Jessica cose Sm (her company) is disclaiming that there wasn't such a n incident. So she can't like seek justice? Too bad, just touching anyway. No big deal. Maybe she enjoyed it @.@ Nah, the guy is too old~

Next? Holiday hw? Done like 60% already? Left with english and some geo. Glad my mum made me start early... Now not so stress...

Erm, there is still some computer issues? Decided to stop dota end of tis/next week? Not sure when I wanna stop but definitely latest by end of next week.

Erm, just finished reading Wilson's book? City of Bones... Writer was Twilight's writer. Super nice book. Hoping to get the rest of the series from Wilson soon >.<>

Hope we will be going out 2morow. Feeling so damn bored at home nowdays. Anything is fine with me, just do something, not nothing at all.

Ok, that's it.

Time

2010-12-08T14:54:00.002+08:00

Time.

Time is priceless cose we can't return to the past. What is over is over, there is no way we can turn back the clock and return to the past can we?

Just realised I wasted my morning again... Dota + Youtube, my whole day was gone again. Enjoyed myself but I find it very meaningless. To spend my whole holiday in front of the computer?

As the saying goes, " Your youth is the most priceless period in your life." So am I really going to spend it with my computer?

To think of it, there is actually so much things I can do if I really want to, instead of spending my whole day in front of this computer. In fact, my holiday is already halfway from being over. In less than 25 days, I will be a Sec 4 already. By then, my holiday will seriously be over.

Excessive of anything is bad. Gonna stop wasting away myself, time to buck up and make good use of the limited time that is left... Not only for this holiday, but for the rest of my life...

"Everybody have equal amount of time, yet people have different degree of achievement in their lives. They key to this, is how one make use of the time he got."

All the way!

2010-12-06T20:17:00.002+08:00

I'm gonna train harder and harder

To become even better.

Chiong ah!

Really sucks to play badly cose of your weakness, when you already know you got to work on your weakness long ago...

Sucks even more when you fail to carry out what you have been training and doing...

Update

2010-12-04T13:35:00.003+08:00

Haha, finally an update=) Decided to change my blogskin to a blogger skin cose a lot of people can't see my blog due to some problem which I dunno how to solve.Anyway, the blogger skin is simple and nice too=)

Had been a very busy yet fun 3 days for me.

Wednesday- Start of camp. Did relay instead of the usually endurance. Found it to be more effective cose everybody was giving their 110% cose they did not want to let down their other teammates. Found myself running harder than usually too >.<

Played 'whacko', got to know everbody's names and had lots of fun too. Played War game shortly after, proved to be lesser disatrous than I thought >.< Quite sure everybody had lot's of fun. After that, was handball in ISH. Fun too. But passing to the same few person, quite a handful was left out...

Lunch came shortly, and came the testimonial match... Only Isaac Lander Han Wei and Ian came for it so we split into 2 teams. I was on the alumni team! Can't recall much but was pretty fun I think=) Isaac and Lander both scored=)

Went to play basketball at the primary school site. Eugene camping and dunking >.< The ultimate play! Went to Bishan North to eat dinner and went to Eugene house. We tried to do a hidden cam on Eugene, acting emo and sian, trying to fool Eugene... Ended the hidden cam early cose Eugene looked really sad. A bit of Mahjong and Halo then chatted with Gene and Isaac. Isaac went home at 10? Then Gene and I continued to talk in his room cose the 3rd floor room was very dusty and I keep sneezing. Slept pretty well, didn't wake up at all!

Thursday- Woke up and realised that I didn't bring my toothbrush... Went to school did gym and then it was classroom games. Jessica FTW!!! She won! Hebe was 2nd, Joshua don't be too sad, afterall Yuri was up against Jessica=)

Eugene won the most handsome award. Prepared more games but there wasn't time for them. Had lunch and then it was time for friendly. Was not really very challenging cose the opponent's aren't that good. 7-3, 7-2. Scored 4, performance if I were to rated myself - Average performance. Could have done better I think. Haha, still remember bodying the guy until he fell over the boards >.<

Had dinner, and I really felt very warm in my heart for no reason... Maybe it was becose I felt that the team was closer than before? Not sure. Walked in the rain back to school and set up the Viva floorball.

Appreciate those that helped, those that didn't don't blame them anyway, if I were them I would also not help >.< proved to be a success, everybody had fun. Was pretty crazy with all the abusing of rules. Put ball in shirt, use 2 sticks, put ball in shoe. LOL, Isaac commentating was incredible! (Y). Totally got the atmosphere crazy.

Left to set up the race. Luckily Isaac told us to set it up early or it would have been worse. Took up more time than we expected. Really wanna thank Isaac for helping or I would have gave up... Of course Joshua, gene and Lander helped too=) Finally got 4 groups' racing course done after an hour+.

The race started shortly. Everybody was faster than I thought. Cren's group was like at the 3rd stop after 5 minutes!?! We haven even left the sports hall when 2 groups came to look for us for the clue... Race was over quite soon, quite sure everybody had fun.

Somebody asked me, "You spent 5 hours to plan this and 1 hour to set it up and yet the group took only around 35 minutes to finish it, don't you find it a waste of time?"

Haha, if everybody enjoyed it, then 35 minutes X 20 = it's 11 hours 45 minutes. My time was definitely well spent. I don't mind sacrificing a bit of my personal time if it can bring others joy and fun.

Mr han finished his speech and requested everybody to thank me and Joshua for the camp. That simple 'Thank You' was more than enough for me. Really. I would like to thank you guys for attending the camp as well=)

Bathed and slept.

Friday- Woke up, breakfast and came home. Watch Running man. If only I watched it before I plan the race!!! It was pretty nice and could haven gotten some of it's ideas and add it into the race but nvrm. Ate lunch and slept a while before going to CS.

The trials had A LOT of people. I was pretty relaxed since it's training for me. Make some friends and learnt alot from the players there as well. Trials ended soon enough. Congrats to Cren, Derek and Gene for getting into the team=) But Life is great, reality is harsh... This is only the 1st round but hope you guys can make it into the team! Eugene was outstanding if you ask me=)

Heard from the other players about Bukit Merah's standard. Conclusion: Technically and physically we can match them. If both teams play to their best, we will be on par, maybe slightly lousier but not there far apart BUT their fitness as for what I know from the rest of the players, is FREAKING GOOD. So they will be able to last at their best for a longer period of time, we will lose out then. So fitness is the key even though we still got to work on our technical skills and team play...

Subway as usual, but this time with Derek Gene and Cren but without Ryan and Joshua.

Went home and talk about floorball with Cren and Derek on the bus. Slept as soon as I got on the bed.

Today was freaking screwed. Set my alarm at 6.50 am and I woke up at 10... WTH. Too tired I guess.

K, that's all I got. Bye~

New Motto

2010-11-28T22:31:00.001+08:00

My new motto for my life: Take it easy =)

5

2010-11-28T12:58:00.002+08:00

Been a while since I last posted... It is not that I do not want to do inspirational posts or the long long 'interesting to read' stories but it is that I got no time for it. Floorball and the planning of the floorball camp is killing me already, even though I still spare some time for myself to play dota >.<

Had friendly with some JC bunch of friends and I actually scored 5 goals. New record for me =) Kinda happy for myself even though not much people realised that I actually scored 5 but to know it myself is enough. Still have plenty of areas that I got to work on, come Jan and Feb, APAC (hopefully) and B div is when all my hard work will br\e rewarded.

Gonna be off for holiday for a week, leaving on Christmas Eve. Really worried that my fitness and skill will drop like mad when I come back, but hopefully not... At least travelling abroad can give me some time to think through things and relax at the same time.

Ah, really hope everybody can appreciate and enjoy the camp, Josh and I put in quite a lot of effort in the planning and I hope it will be a success. There will bound to be some criticizes but at least I can tell myself, I did my best. Definitely not gonna plan another camp another time soon... It's tedious...

In an blink of an eye, it's gonna be December soon. Time really flies huh?

TaeYeon~

2010-11-26T18:03:00.005+08:00

Haha, SNSD AGN... Gonna be a short post anw... Watched SNSD's Horror Factory. TaeYeon was pranked and yet in the midst of the chaos, she was able to stay strong and control her emotions.

Remarkable character=) Used to think that TaeYeon did nothing much as a leader for SNSD but she proven me wrong this time=) Maybe I can learn more from her of how to lead...

Must Watch

2010-11-22T16:28:00.005+08:00

If you want to watch the best SNSD video clip available on Earth, this is the one... YOU MUST WATCH THIS!!! Or regret for your whole life. Watch even if you are not an SNSD fan...

Why am I an SNSD fan? Since young, I did not really believe in spending money or wasting time trying to get to know any idols. But SNSD is really different. They taught me so much... They may be my idols and at the same time, my role models...

They taught me that in order to fulfill my dreams, I must not give up no matter what.
They taught me that unity is power.
They taught me that even though the road may be long and tough, I got to hang in there.

Their first ever performance was in a high school. A stage with less than a 1000 audience.

Now? They stand on the world stage and with millions of viewers.

They started small, they worked to where they are today. They took nothing for granted, they deserve every single bit of it.

I do not like SNSD because they are pretty.
I do not like SNSD because they are hot.
I like SNSD because they really shown me the true meaning of determination and unity.

Plastic? If a person goes to plastic surgery, will he or she be as successful as snsd? No. It doesn't really matter whether they are plastic anot. It was their hard work that got them to where they are today.

Look, even when the crowd is not cheering and giving blank faces, they continued to give their best no matter what. If I were them, I would have long walked off but they didn't. They were determined to perform regardless whether the crowd appreciates it anot. Determination.

Look, Jessica was so tired till she collapsed once she was off the stage. She was determined not to spoil the performance and gave her best despite everything. She wasn't even able to walk after the performance.

The 9 of them must have cried more than any other groups in the k-pop industry. I was really touched when the 9 of them gathered and hugged on the stage. They did not talk much or enjoy the glory. They simply stood on stage and hugged, cried. They cried because all the hard work they have endured have finally been recognised... Even though we usually get to see the bright side of them, smiling and laughing, we have overlooked that they must have cried and sweated even more...

10 years, that was how long they have endured to get to where they stand today. The 9 of them have tasted more sweat and tears than any other groups. That is why right now it's Girl's Generation...

Unity. The power of 9... I was really touched by what Tiffany said after her mum died in a car accident last year.

"My mum may have left me earlier, but she gave me 8 sisters..."

SNSD never gave up, they stood as one, and was finally able to get to where they are today. When they were given the award, even other groups stood up and cheered. Some were even jumping because SNSD really deserve it, more than any other groups. They stood as one and have gone through so much together, through thick and thin.

So, SNSD really are my idols. This video only made me love them even more. Even though they will never ever know me, but I will always be there for them!!! SNSD Hwaiting!!!

If only our team can be like this, that is my only wish, my biggest wish. To be as close as real brothers, to work hard and become champions. If that is possible, maybe you can help me=)

Fate

2010-11-19T09:25:00.005+08:00

Maybe it was all fated that we will meet again. I really can't believe that we will actually meet each other, face to face after 2 years... It seem like genie decided to grant my wish... I didn't really want to talk about this but then again, I shouldn't bottle it all up. So this was how it went...

I was really bored today. Really really bored. Finished watching hotshot and was surfing the net aimlessly. Really had nothing better to do. Felt like watching a movie, after flipping the newspaper, decided to watch the movie The Next Three Days... Got changed and left. Took the Mrt to AMK. But then, it was not an ordinary Mrt ride. At Yio Chu Kang station, that where it all happened... I was sitting on the seat and listening to music, Lucifer~, then when the train door opened, guess who walked in... U noe who~

I was totally shocked. Totally shocked. Could feel my heart beat so much faster and my palms got sweaty. That feeling I got is a mixture of excitement and fear. Excited to see her again but fearful of the much predicted outcome that she will dao me. I wasn't sure whether it was her anot. I have experienced it so many times. Thought I saw her but turn out otherwise. But this time it is for real. I can hardly believe it. She could have taken the train before or enter another cabin but she didn't.

She stepped into the cabin. My eyes were fixed on her. She was still very pretty, maybe even prettier than before. She was wearing a white shirt with short sleeves and a mini skirt... In other words, she like an angel~ Freaking hot angel somemore...

I was expecting her to look as if she doesn't recognise me and sit else where. If she did, I would take it as if I didn't know her as well. That would be fine with me anyway.

BUT, guess what... She actually came over and sat beside me!!!

S: "Hi, you are Darrell right?"

D: "Yea... Hi." My heart was pounding like crazy. I was like OMG!!!

S: "Waaa, it has been so long since we last met. Got miss me anot?"

D: " Yea, got missed you very badly~." Which was true... Gave her a smile =)

S: `Laughed and gave the LOL face.` Shall never forget that face~

D: "So where you going?"

S: "Watch movie."

D: "With frens ar?" Prepared for a disappointing answer from her.

S: "Alone la. Everybody busy... So sian."

DUMBFOUNDED. OMG, unbelievable. This was like a chance god have gave me~ I could hardly believe it~

D: "Me too! I'm watching alone too. Wanna watch together?" Now's my chance!!!

S: "Ok. I'm watching Harry Potter at J8. U ok with it?"

D: "NO problem." =) Even though I watch le XD

Then for the next 5 minutes or so we talk a bit about the past and a bit of k-pop stuff. Can't believe it, she actually likes SHINee too. Her favourite is Tae-min XD My favourite is HER XD

Before I know, we arrived in Bishan. We talked and talked as if we were both long lost friends and joked around, poking each other. Deep in heart, I was like thinking " Wonder what's she thinks of me..."

Quened up for the tickets together. As we were quening, we suddenly ran out of topics to talk about and what was left was an awarkard silence... I decided to get on and went on to talk about JongHyun having a girlfriend... Finally was our turn. Got a seats on the left side at the back. She wanted to treat me the tickets ( How can I let her!) but I ended up treating her XD Money worth spending=) She got the popcorns though...

We went in early and were talking. I decided to mention the 'incident'. Her reply was " Sry luh, my bad." From that moment onwards, I decided that I really like her. Really felt how blissful it is to have somebody you like right beside you... That kind of joy, can't be described in words... Sweetness in your heart ?

Movie started. Was pretty cold but when I asked her she said it was okay. Haha, didn't have a jacket to spare her anw... Realised I was looking her more than I was looking at the movie screen... Never really wanted the movie to end. I want the movie to last forever so that I can look at her forever...

Oya, the popcorn proved to be a big problem. As you know, I'm a popcorn maniac but didn't dare eat too much of the popcorn, afraid that there might be too little left for her. We shared drinks too!!! Maybe that's why the drink was sweeter~

Halfway through the middle of the movie, I found myself unconsciously leaning closer to her. She must have noticed it too. She actually laid her head on my shoulder!!! Faint! Faint! Faint! Could actually feel the smell her hair... I really felt that I was the most blessed guy on earth then...

"So she really likes me..."

After a while, she decided to lift her head. Felt a little sad but relieved at the same time. Relieved be'cose I no longer have any stress cose before that I dare not move XD At the part where the snake pop out, she gave a little shriek. Priceless expression. How should I put it? Cute + Frightened =)

This time I decided to take the initiative and went out to hold her hand. She didn't resist!!! Her hand was tender and smooth, AND was cold XD

The movie ended in the end and I had to let go of her hand, sadly. Out of the threatre we went and the both of us went to the toilet. I had to style my hair right? But the story did not end after the movie ended. We went to walk around J8. It seem like the both of didn't want this to end so quickly...

Somehow we ended up at the open area in J8, the one below the food court.

We talked a little but here comes the main point. As we talked, we moved closer and closer. We kissed. My first kiss...

The feeling was wet? But it felt really great. Totally awesome....

I never want to let the feeling go, never...

Gotcha=)

NEW SKIN!!!

2010-11-18T11:59:00.009+08:00

You guys must be like FINALLY got new skin...

Jarryl will be like SNSD!?!

MY blog, my choice XD

Took me a while to get it done so appreciate!!!

Leave a tag ty =)

Now

2010-11-15T16:09:00.002+08:00

Just finished hotshot... lol, seem like everybody is watching it too...

Was really very nice even though I'm watching it for the 2nd time. Learnt a lot of things that can be applied to floorball/sports. Even though some parts are very fake and unrealistic (like the dunks and mid-air action), but many of the theory in the show are true.

We see how Da Ying (Show Luo) evolved from a noob to a pro due to his passion and hard work and so on. We see how unity in a team is capable of bring them from being the lousiest team in the nation to becoming champions. Even though it is a story that was created by the director, much of the theory cannot be any true-er(If there is such a word)...

Quoted from W, " Practise is like homework, something that a sportsman must do." is one example. Jerry Yan/Dong Fan Xiang, was not a super talent but he was as good as one through the amount of hard work and practise that he had put in and having the 'never give up' attitude.

Attended Eugene's confirmation on saturday. Even though had to sit there for few hours, felt that it was worth it. Felt really happy for Eugene, being able to be confirmed as a follower for his own beliefs, but wasn't really convinced by religion and beliefs. I'm like Jarryl, I think it is impossible to prove that god exist but I don't rule out the possibility that god really exist so religion and stuffs, I'm neutral~ Ate mac's and sang a bit of K, was fun. Joke a lot and pool was kinda fun even though most of us were not really good at it.

Wow, this is one of the rare chances were some many of the 'clique' are together. Hope that there will be more of such chances in the future.

O ya, the quote on Cren's blog is I say one ar, I mean, anything wrong? We were comparing CS and CHS. Like we don't blame anybody when we concede a goal but in CS they do. Nothing much anyway, just chit-chatting...

Had a really sweet dream recently... Super sweet till I can't remember what it was about XD But I was smiling when I woke up =) Jessic~aH~~~

Damn it la, my chest is hurting. No really very severe but it will affect my training definitely. Can't do push-ups or any chest related exercises. Don't even know how I got the injury...

Okay, Jarryl and Joshua said my blog is dead, post are short and after getting to a conclusion, I 've decided to make my 2nd post for NAKED!!!!

Wait in anxiety XD LOL.

Crying

2010-11-09T19:47:00.001+08:00

Feel like crying for no reason...

Maybe I do know the reason,

It is just that I don't want to face it.

I just want everything to be over...

SNSD Debut

2010-11-09T13:22:00.003+08:00

SNSD during their 1st debut. Really miss their youthful looks and their powerful dance move. They look so much more energetic and lively in the past. The dance was powerful and the voices were so sweet~

They all looked very eager and gave their best for their 1st ever performance =) Hope that they can maintain their state of mind and continue to work hard and strive for the best. Hope arrogance doesn't get to them=) SNSD Hwaiting!!!

Chinese O level!!! I better go study now XD

Joke

2010-11-06T21:38:00.003+08:00

Check this out...

Lol. SNSD got DAO-ed... Look at those zombie faces... LMAO... Thay are making SNSD look like little girls acting cute on stage...

They showed expression-less faces when SNSD was performing LIVE on stage. How epic can it get??? They look as if they are bored by SNSD's performance or something... DO you ppl know how many ppl in this world(me myself), would like to be in that freaking sit you are in and watching SNSD live?!?

Putting that aside, one thing is for sure. SNSD don't belong to Film Awards' stage. I mean, all the people there are actors and actresses that are mostly older than SNSD. Plus, even if they admire SNSD, they can't really shout it out or scream. All they can do is to watch, and they clapped at the end too. Since this was a formal event, they did what they should do. Enjoy and applaud.

They don't belong there. Not with all the actors and directors that know nothing about k-pop. They should be at places where their performance is appreciated and admired. At places where fans and fellow k-pop group appreciate their performance and acknowledge the amount of hardwork they have put in to acheive what they are today.

Point to be noted- We should all stay at places which we belong. If SNSD was on music bank/music core, their fans would have screamed and cheered. The MC's would welcome them. They will feel very comfortable there, their friends/fans are all there. They can walk backstage and meet their friends, run into friendly staff or even walk out and meet their fans. But at the Film Awards? Nah, they don't belong there at all. DAO-ed.

They may be the most popular group in k-pop, but not at the acting industry(except Yoona maybe)...

So, find where you belong to. Don't try to force yourself to stay at somewhere which you do not belong to, cose, it might be painful... Be at places where you belong to, and be appreciated.

******
Friendly was a great game IMO, learnt alot. Nites~

Busy

2010-11-05T19:28:00.002+08:00

Even though it's holiday time, but remedials and training kept me really busy.

O level chinese is coming right round the corner but I'm not really very nervous. Can't really improve my chinese over a few days can I? But I'm still gonna try to prepare myself to the fullest for the chinese paper. Even though it might not be used for my L1R5, but it will make my O level certificate look nicer if I get an A =) Hwaiting!!!

Monday went past really fast. Had chinese remedial and went back home to spam 5 hours of SNSD's Hello Baby. Was really very interesting, and it allowed me to understand the various members' personality better, although I was not fully convinced that it was their TRUE personality. After all, the camera is ON XD But, the show is really funny, found myself smiling unconsciously as I was watching. Tiffany is REALLY pretty with her long hair and Jessica, as usual, HOT~

Had a pretty good training on tuesday. There wasn't much people for pt, so we could complete more of the gym programme.

There was no training on wednesday so after remedial, Hello Baby 5 hours again XD I was still watching Hello Baby and my mum came back from work. Then she kp-ed. At night, she and my dad kp-ed until I COULD NOT TAKE IT ANYMORE!!! I just kp-ed them back. PWNED them flat. Then I went back to my room and studied. Felt really comfortable after letting all my bottled up misery out, all at one go. Later at night, they didn't kp me back or anything. Assumed they 'gave up' on me or smth...

I mean, if a child simply listens to his parents and does whatever they tell him to do, isn't this kid a geek? Like those boy that follow his parents around, day in day out, follow his father fashion sense and wear high pants high socks? Study day to night just cause his parents want him to? In the future when he goes out to society, he will DIE! He doesn't have a thinking of his own, he can only listen to his parents and he knows nothing but to study. I know that in Singapore we have to have the 'GODLY' university certificate to get good job opportunities but is the 'GODLY' certificate all it matters? Would you want a child that has his own thinking or one that obeys his parents and know nothing? I know our parents does things for our benefits in mind but sometimes I really feel that my parents parenting is a BIG failure.

I often tell myself, when I grow up to be a dad, I must not be like my parents like that, doing 'these these these'... They told me not to be engross with computer/Internet but they themselves watch their TV programme 'AI' without fail everyday. They also watch it for a few hours. Then when I use com for leisure, they scold me. Contradictory.

Friendly 2morow, hope I cn recover from my flu to play 2morow. Nites~

Pretty

2010-11-02T19:20:00.002+08:00

"Pretty from far, far from pretty..."

Haha, JY's quote. Really meaningful I think.

But there are some girls, the longer and closer you look at them, they look more and more beautiful.

One of which is JESSICA!

O level chinese in a week time, FB camp in a month's time. Holiday ends in 2 months. B div starts in 3 month or less. Gosh, time is SOOOO gonna fly past me again.

TROUBLE TROUBLE TROUBLE, SHOOT SHOOT SHOOT, HOOT HOOT HOOT. Really nice song IMO! Addicted XD

Lol, spammed 4 hours of 'Hello Baby' yesterday...

Nites...

Ssnd K-pop Night at Singapore

2010-10-27T19:50:00.002+08:00

Feeling slack..

2010-10-27T17:34:00.005+08:00

Artistic....

Haha, Jie Ying having detention...

Trying to hit the pole with the ball...

Fish and Co Express~

AT WWW bathroom~

K box~

The usual 'zi-lian'...

Tissue paper army!!!

Feeling extremely slack now. Not much work to do, just training and some random homework.

Ah, holiday is going to come soon, so is chinese O levels. Actually I'm not really very nervous but really hope to do well for it though. I want my O level certificate to be straight A's, if possible=) Saying that, I really need to get started on my revision if I wanna do well for next year.

I SHALL NOT WASTE THIS HOLIDAY!!!

Friendly 2morow but will be referee-ing it.

Damn, gonna fall sick soon. Was sweating yesterday night(didn't warm down) and slept air-con = GG!

SNSD's newly released 'Hoot' song appeals to me but not to many. I find it nice though. Trouble trouble trouble~

Just planned the outline of the floorball camp with gene and Joshua. Should be fun. Just hope that everybody can cooperate to make it easier for me and Joshua to run the programmes. Other than that, should have no problem=) Afterall, since we are the one planning, it will be very fun!

Piano is pretty difficult to learn but I'm not going to give up so soon=) Music isn't really my strength but I'm gonna try...

I really want to do well for 'O's next year... " Success is attainable, if consistent effort is put in..."

I'm gonna start working now. So I shall floorball, study, play for this holiday. Strictly keep electronic devices to a mininum=) Cose I think it is gonna screw-up my holiday if I play too much of it.

The future is in my hands now. I've grown up and have control of my own life now, unlike the past where my parents were deciding on most issues regarding my life. So if I screw up, it's entirely my fault and I got nobody to blame for. Seem like my life is more well managed by my parents than myself. Haha. But I can't rely on them anymore. I got to work by myself and learn to take care and manage my own life. Maybe I can start by scoring better for my studies...

Hwaiting!!!

Emotionally unstable...

2010-10-24T21:47:00.003+08:00

Emotionally unstable. Nah, nothing of that sort. After all it's after exams, no stress or anything that is bothering me. Feeling pretty relaxed and having fun every day.

Result slip for EOY:

English- 65 (Improved 4 marks from mid-year)

Chinese- 65 (Improved by 16 marks from mid-year)

E math- 60 (Dropped by 18 marks...)

A math- 54 (Not much improvement...)

Geography- 82 (Was an easy paper though...)

Combined Humanities- 62 ( Dropped from A1 to B4... Both SS and history infer wrongly, 10 marks each from both papers...)

Biology- 55 ( Dropped by 5?)

Physics- 71 ( Miracle happened, improved by 24 marks. Improvement should be highest in school liao=) YEA~

Chemistry- 54 ( Still as bad...)

Now all my results out liao, compare all you want... So dun ask me about my results if you intend to compare, I don't give a heck about comparing results...

Overall, I would say that I'm utterly disappointed with my E math, Combined Humanities and Bio. Could have done MUCH better than this...

Languages and physics came as a surprise and Geo met my expectations. Physics was really a miracle, I knew I would improve from mid-year but an A2 really is a big jump. Hope I don't drop back to where I was last term...

Chem and A math was expected to do badly and I did... Luckily I didn't fail A math. Phew.

Overall comment on my results: Decent improvement on some subjects but some dropped unexpectedly. Those that I'm weak at are still very weak. Could have done better on the whole. Didn't really study consistently the whole year and only started one week before exams. Couldn't really expect much improvement. Glad that I passed all subjects and had improvement for some subjects.

What is over is over, can't really be sad cause I didn't work hard consistently and I got nobody to blame but myself. Now, I should really get serious and put my focus back on floorball. Friendly with NJC, scored 4 assist 1. Pretty decent if I were to comment on my own performance, given my shitty form in training for the last 2 weeks. Jarryl scored 4, Cren 2, Ryan and Jy 1 each, the other 2 I'm not sure. 12-2. Sorta feel sad for them cause it is really humiliating to lose to people younger than them but never give mercy on court!!!

Sorta got a new aim in training, thanks to Jarryl and Eugene. Was watching Jarryl play and realised that dribbling doesn't really need to have any complicated moves, just simple ball controlling. Was playing one-on-one with gene the other day after training, he just did the simple to-the-left and then spin me on the right side and he got past me. I was dumbfounded. Such a simple move and I was caught off guard. Then I tried to do those complicated moves and couldn't dribble past gene at all. That was when I realised dribbling is not that complicated, keep it simple=)

Just went down my block to train. Just love that place. It was the place where I mastered my dragshot, slapshot, bouncing ball (even though I've yet to master it) and some ball control. If I were to break down how I improve into percentage, it should be something like this.

20% watching others and learning,
5% from advices, mostly from Cren,
40% in school trainings,
5% after trainings,
25% under my block, 5% at home.

Gonna work hard for Nationals next year. Got my aim and I'm gonna work towards it. It's gonna be tough but I'm not going to give up=)

Gosh, I'm still rather stuck at PSP... I don't want to waste too much time on it~ Before I knew it, last week of school is arriving. Gosh, why does time past so quickly... Better make good use of this holiday to train hard and catch up on my studies... Still have so many things I wanna do this holiday...

Having lesser time and the 'feel' to blog nowdays. Just can't seem to get that 'feel' which I used to have which make me wanna blog.

Nites... "I will treat you like a kid if you are one." Not directed at Ryan aggressively=)

Back~

2010-10-18T19:38:00.002+08:00

Wow.

That's the only word I can think of now. I was still dreaming and suddenly, BANG! EOY is over... One year just past like this and I have barely tasted Sec 3 life. Maybe it was too packed, or maybe I didn't make enough effort to make it a memorable one. But there is still some moments in Sec 3 that I will never forget... The dance we did on teacher's day, Combined Schools experience (even though it was not really very pleasant), me and Nigel in class (epic lame-ness), the fun outings we had (movies, and the recent WWW and kbox). Not much indeed, but I still have 2 months and slightly more to make up for the lost time.

Time really files past our lives doesn't it? One moment and it is all over, too late to regret for anything. Exams really ended very quickly to my delight but that only means that O levels are just next year. Sec 4 life will definitely not be pleasant, mug day and night... Not the kind of teenage hood I would want, but "fighting for a future worth fighting for..."

I pretty sure this holiday will be over before we know it. But this time I'm ready to make the best outta it. Spent my whole weekend playing psp and what did I get? Nothing. Really, electronic devices/computer games and freaking time consuming and meaningless. The time spent can be better used to do more meaningful stuff, yea?

There is so many things I want to do this holiday, can't let it slip out of my hands again. Next year there will be no breaks or holiday to play, the school will definitely make us study. So this is really the last chance we can enjoy our holiday...

Still remember trying to sing korean song at kbox... Major fail, but it made me realise something, we can never try to be somebody we are not. I listen to k-pop everyday and when it came to singing it, I couldn't sing it out. It wasn't my language and I couldn't sing Lucifer even though I hear the song for more than 50 times... But when it came to the chinese songs, it was pretty easy even though I barely hear that song.

When I go to the food court, I get korean cusine, listen k-pop, watch snsd, try to spend in korean but the truth is that I will never be korean. I will still be chinese, forever. That is me, no need for me to pretend to be somebody I never was. To be truthful, I'm proud to be a chinese, a singaporean. I mean 'Korean Wave' is spreading throughout Asia and the world, as teenagers we would most probably be more or less affected by it. But what is so good about being korean? They are short by nature, plastic, can't speak english, age very quickly when they are old (according to Nigel's theory), have a communist neighbour, try to speak english when they can't.

Okay, the girls and guys are pretty good looking but so? No big deal. I am who I am, not trying to change into somebody I'm not, but just simply SNSD crazy. lol.

Story, still working on it. Discussing the plot with Wilson but got the outline out. Should be able to produce the first chapter by friday night?

Already lost count who is reading my blog and who is not. Can't really be bothered anw, I'm starting to get more and more optimistic as I continue. Want to read then read, don't want to read then forget it. None of my business anyway. Maybe I will just close down this blog oneday and nobody will notice it either. ( Okay, I'm apparently grumbling that nobody is tagging so...)

Caption for the story:

A true test of friendship, trust and the power of unity.

2MOROW's Plan

2010-10-12T19:37:00.002+08:00

We will meet at 10.30 At Pasir Ris Mrt.

Will sing at kbox from 11am to 2pm.

Then we shall proceed to meeting Crenshawn at www at 2.10pm.

enjoy www from 2.20 to 6.20. Yes! 4 hours is just enough.

Then have dinner from 6.40 to 7 plus then go home. Those that want can go Jarryl's house play bball.

Kbox: Lunch and 3 hours of singing cost 9+ per person

WWW: Entrance fee 15+....

Bring enough $/ swimming trunks/clothes/pants for going underwater...

We shall have fun!

Update

2010-10-10T18:58:00.002+08:00

This gonna be short, I need to study...

Firstly, wednesday IS marking day but dunno whether there will be day off for us... If it is half-day, everything goes as planned... If it's a full day, then we have to think of something else...

Secondly, I'm going to write a short story, if you would like to be part of it, pls tag in the cbox '!!!'. It will be an interesting story I promise, exciting and engaging. I will stop adding new characters in after I start writing the story =) You wouldn't want to miss out being a main character in this story!

Ok, last 3 hours of mugging before I close my books permamently... Gonna chiong! Last lap already! Bye~

On wednesday

2010-10-10T14:14:00.002+08:00

Meeting time: 11.30am at J8 Mac for Lunch

Wild Wild Wet: From 1pm to 6pm...

Dinner: 6 - 7pm

K-box/Karaoke: 7pm to 9pm

After 9: Go home together...

That is the plan on wednesday=) Since this wednesday is our school's marking day, there should be very little people at WWW=) So we can spam rides!!!

Remember to bring your swimming trunks and a pants which you plan to wear in water, cose you wouldn't want to walk around in your swimming trunks when everybody else is wearing pants=)

Ticket is $15.50. $10.50 if there is an NTUC union member BUT the member himself must be there to be entitled the discounted rate... Unless we ask our parents go la... and one NTUC member can have another 4 guest which will pay $10.50 as well... So IF ONE of our parents go with his or her NTUC card... We can save money la! Then we split the total cost over total ppl going, and it will be cheaper=)

And remember to bring clothes/towel/bathing accessories/money!/and whatever you need, don't need me tell you la... big boy already...

K-box I'm not sure how much but since there is so many ppl going, should not be too expensive...

Estimated cost for entire day(including meals): $30

Must come ar! See you guys at 11.30am at J8's mac!

Flash

2010-10-08T21:14:00.002+08:00

Time really flash past our lives doesn't it? Was still getting stressed over exams a week before and 'flash', it's down to 2 papers.

Time really files, faster than we can imagine. We always thought that there is still time ahead, but before we realise it, it's over...

We only have less than 3 months before the start of next year to do whatever we want to do as a team, this is our last year... At this period last year, was feeling sad for the Sec 4s when we realised that they only had a few months left with us... now it's our turn. Time really flash past our lives, doesn't it?

There is so much I want to do with you guys... And I'm pretty sure we are drifting apart. We don't hang out after training like we did in the past, go for dinner after training. We have our own lives to lead, drifting further and further...

Our last 3 months together. 3 months... Seems pretty long to do whatever we want to do, and short even to flash past our lives...

I SWEAR if there were to be a floorball outing, I will go at all cost!!! I really don't want to regret not spending my last few months as a floorballer with the floorballers. If anybody was to ask me something about my secondary school life, I would definitely remember floorball, and most important of course, is the clique...

So here is a list of things I want to do after exams:

1) Go WWW with the clique!
2) Stay-over at Eugene's house
3) Go lan! All the people that used to play dota play together again! X8lr~ haha
4) Go SENTOSA with the clique. I don't know if any of you still remember this but we promised to go to Sentosa together... If any of you still remembers that of course, I do...
5) Have a super fun floorball camp. This one I can assure you I will do my best!
6) Play basketball with the clique and rewatch hot shot!
7) Do EVERYTHING With the clique...

I REALLY REALLY miss the old days when we spend half our day hanging out together, doing nothing much in particular but still had a lot of fun. Maybe sec 3 life is too busy till we can't spend time together... Hope that is the case than we shall be like before after EOY... can't wait...

TO everybody in the CLIQUE! I'm officially organising a 1 day ('remiscising' the past), on marking day. As for the events, I will let you know on the day itself=) More details after comfirmation=)

If you view yourself as a floorballer, and belong to the clique. PLS, don't disappoint me by not turning up. Regardless of whatever you got on that day, if you cherish this friendship we share, pls turn up.

I invited the clique to have breakfast and lunch before training recently but twice I was disapointed... Nobody came for the lunch and only jie ying came for breakfast. This wasn't how it was like in the past. In the past, the whole clique will come and we will have so much fun... But now? I eat alone...

Joshua and Eugene mentioned on their blogs that they miss the past where we used to be so close. I still believe we are but for now, we are too involved in our own lives. So pls turn up on wednesday morning, 8 am at J8 Mac. PLS don't let me down and let everybody down... This will be the first time we are going out after a long break. This really means a lot!

We will basically do whatever we used to do=) That is what we are doing for the whole day, more or less!

Nites...

Final Push

2010-09-30T22:05:00.002+08:00

I know everybody is writing about stuff related to this. What 'last try' ah, 'give it all out', 'I live or I die', blablabla... I mean isn't it typical to write this kind of posts right before exams? Nothing wrong with it but really, when they were writing, did they really meant what they wrote?

For me, this is really the first time I'm getting serious about my studies... Really, I swear ever since I came into CHS I never once got serious about any exams... I always thought that studying was lifeless and just had to get over with it. I played played played. Even before the Sec 2 EOY, I even went to lan... The weekend right before the whole week of exams... Zai right? This year was worst, I didn't even complete the WS-es teacher's gave and hardly touch the revision practise papers that were given before exams, less say touch my TYS-es.

I just try to get over with everything, 'don't fail can already' that was my mindset. My results? Deteriorating... I couldn't study cose I didn't have the motivation to work... I kept creating 'imaginary' motivation for myself, until the point I think so much that I had a near mental breakdown, which was the period around August, where I got hysterical. It was Eugene that helped me get past the period, doing something more than he had to, taking the extra effort. Really apreciated even though I need not return back anymore...

Okay back to topic, 'imaginary' motivation. Yes, these 'imaginary' motivation was totally unable to motivate me at all. I felt aimless, nothing to work for until this monday.

"You study for nothing but yourself". The phrasing may not be exact but the meaning is there. A quote by my primary school teacher. It really brought me back to my primary school days and reminded me of my ability as a student. The missing 'motivation' that I was lacking, I found it back. Ty for reminding me, *mum*=)

Indeed, I study for nothing but myself. For my future, for myself, nobody else. Judging from my results, I'm failing my parents, my primary school teacher and most importantly, myself... It's really time for me to grow up... To study for myself=) My future lies in my hands... I'm not fighting against retaining or anything so I can really go into the exam hall this time with not stress, but just to prove to myself that I'm capable of much more. Improvement, that is my aim for EOY. No need for a jump to A1 for all subjects, but at least a grade better for all subjects.

This is really last minute but it is better than nothing, better than not studying at all, like I did in the past. It's gonna be a bit rush but I will try my best to salvage the situation.

" It is only when you realise you want to score well, that you actually had a lot things you can do to excel." I finally understand the theory of 'consistency'... Should have worked harder in the past...

Chapters to go: 56, 36 excluding A math and Bio.

Chapters completed: 26.

26 chapters in like 3 nights? Not impossible since I still got the weekends to do my 'final push'...

Actually studying ain't that difficult. If you force yourself to study for like 15 minutes or so, you will actually feel like studying. Just don't get distracted, or you will regret wasting precious time...

******

Fighting for our own beliefs
Believing in what we are fighting for

Fighting for our future
A future worth fighting for

Embrace the joy when you succeed
as joy embraces you

Results are more than numbers
Numbers that mean more than results

The recognition of your own ability
Having the ability to recognise it

Let this be a final push
OR BE PUSHED OVER...

Stress

2010-09-28T21:05:00.000+08:00

I'm not stressed at all... Tell me why?

Choice

2010-09-26T21:17:00.003+08:00

If you were to choose between this two, who would you want?

1) A freaking pretty girl that you freaking crazy over, but nothing more than that.

2) A kind hearted girl who encourage you when you are down and give you support

Who would you choose?

Neither.

Cose I will not choose the first one and I know I'm not good enough for the second...

******
" I shall study for nobody else but myself." I got it. Thks. I will and I must work hard.
Ty for the encourage ya?

Mugging progress:

Chapters to be revised: 80 + ??

Chapters completed: 0

Selfishness

2010-09-26T13:17:00.003+08:00

* Seem like there is some misconception. This post is not to hate, maybe the tone is a bit harsh but ultimately i want to help. Hatred is never in my dictionary, I always forgive. But I really hope to help this friend of mine.

I have never seen anybody as selfish as you..

Yes, it's you.

Such a simple request and yet you rejected me right away. If it was anybody else, they would probably have given it to me straight away. If they did, I would probably consider not eating it since I would feel bad cose they are so nice to me. But you? You immediately said no and even if I asked a few more times, your stand is firm. 'No, that is my food, you want it go get it yourself.' If it was anybody else, if I asked for a few times they would have given it to me.

Then when you realised that I was pissed and you would probably lose this friend of yours, you then tried to redeem the situation and offered it to me. You offered the food to me at the end because you knew that you are going to offend me and that will cause me to dao you or something and you did not want that to happen that's why you decided to offer me the food.

It is through little actions that people notice good or bad things about a person. You probably did whatever you did in the past because you realise that you are in a disadvantage if you were to offend anybody and that will put you in a spot.

Some actions of yours shows your character. In fact, too many. It is just that people do not mind or bother but whatever you did during this incident really pissed me off.

Firstly, look around you. Can you name me a friend whom you can truly say is your best friend? Friends share and are willing to give without gain. But given your character, tell me, how many best friends you have now and in the past?

Secondly, you always put yourself first when it comes to any situation. Of course, all humans are self-centered but not to your extent. You do everything for your own benefit. Never once you shown me that you actually do stuff for other people without hoping for anything in return. Every action of yours has it agenda, you know it yourself.

Thirdly, you don't put yourself in people's shoes when you act or speak. If you do, then you would probably be able to not be so self-centered. Think about how others might feel when you do something or say something.

The world does not revolve around you, treat the people with a different attitude from now on, putting yourself in their shoes, treat the people around you unselfishly. You would find that you would soon have much more friends and closer friends than now.

All the best

Stuck

2010-09-26T12:47:00.002+08:00

I'm currently stuck, whether to study anot... I know that there isn't much time left anyway, but still it's gonna make a significant difference.

Arguments for not studying:

- Less than a week left. Study or don't study makes no differences anw.

- Not like I'm gonna retain or smth. Screw up then screw up lor.

- Even if I don't study also won't screw up. Just can't get my desired results.

Arguments for studying:

- Cose it is my responsibility.

Yea, just one single reason to study and it easily defeats the rest of the arguments against it. Yea, I should study and less than 15 days IF I were to study hard for it. Is that so difficult?

God damn it. I really want to score well for EOY. I L1r5, 11! Not impossible right.

Aim:
Combined Humanities- A1
E math- A1
A math- A2
Geography- A2
Biology- A2
Chemistry- B3
Physics- B3
English- B3
Chinese- B4

But every time I get distracted. Just can't seem to study properly. Fuck. always promise myself to study but always fail to do so. What's wrong with me...

******
OMG. I'm a pervert!!!

Where are you>?

2010-09-20T19:04:00.001+08:00

Really, life is all about finding more about yourself, finding your other-self...

Saturday

2010-09-18T22:29:00.003+08:00

So I scored 2 and assist 2. Pretty decent since I was aiming for a 1 goal 2 assist for today's game...6-6, why are we still not playing to our standard? Really think that we got a lot to work on if we wanna aim for top 4. Long way to go…But then again, I should be seeing the team scoring as a whole and not count it as a personal achievement... Who cares...

Gaps in skills are getting greater and more obvious now... We are starting to be able to see the rankings quite obviously now...

Want to change captain? Be my guest. Store door can't lock, nothing I can do. The fans not off was not my idea. Gym wasn't me using last. All humans make mistakes. It's not entirely my job yea? Cause I'm always the last to leave the place so everything becomes my fault now. Then I rather be the first to leave so nothing becomes my fault. People can just change and leave as and when they want, I have to wait and ensure everything is kept then can leave. People want to leave then I don't need leave ah? We all got our own lives to live too. All people see is the mistakes committed, ever thought that the very person that is held responsible is actually the one that does almost everything? Sometimes even if I want to leave early I can't. Cose I have to wait for everybody to leave and keep everything and THEN I can leave... At least 7.30 then can leave. I'm a student like everybody else. I'm like a floorballer like everybody else. I'm just taking the extra intiative and commitment to do something more. Appreciate... Don't agree with this then just get a change. I'm cool with that. Good to put yourself in people's shoes at times. I'm at fault but not totally entirely my fault yea?

Went card shop with Derek and YH after training. lol. Was kinda fun since my deck was still able to win a few rounds against rather strong opponent. E-hero FTW!

Slept once I could. Too tired for anything. Really want to study but really not in the mood now... I'm feeling depressed for dunno what reasons... Had LOTS to write before I switch on the com but the 'feel' is gone. I'm very confused now. I have lost sight of my future. I really dunno what is happening to me but this is not good. Things aren't going as well as I had thought. Everything...

Long post..

2010-09-13T21:25:00.003+08:00

This is gonna be a very very long post... I'm going to keep writing until my mum decides it's time for me to stop. Here goes...

1) Falling ill really sucks, and it sucks even more when your parents think you are faking it and you're planning to pon school. Okay, maybe a little but really, why bother going to school when you know you will be spending the entire day sleeping and not paying attention in school? Why don't you let your poor son stay at home and rest? Screw~

2) Visiting the polyclinic on a monday really sucks BIG TIME. How boring can it get when you have to waiting for 2 hours before you get to leave that place again? I was so freaking bored tat I even read the world news! Korea opening new trading regulation and will be reducing the entire process of trading by 3.4 hours and $0.4 per container... This will bla bla bla. Heck! Do I look like somebody that care a heck about what is happening between china and korea (okay, maybe alittle interest in korea), is it gonna affect me or is it even relevant to my life??? Watched Mr Bean on the TV until I got bored. I mean, who actually watches Mr Bean at my age!!!

3) Got a darn haircut. Okay, it's kinda screw-ed but I'm the kind that don't really care about my hairstyle cose I think I got enough self-confidence in my looks... Okay, it's not the haircut, it's the waiting time! 1 hour? Cose it's damn-it $2.50, the whole world HAVE to go there for their haircut. Cheapo-s. YOu must be thinking then why did I go there for my haircut right? Cose my parents freaking hell left me with $4 bucks for a haircut. Can't go to a barber. HAD to go for the $2.50 haircut. Waste my time...

4) If I were to get sorta rejected in any aspects of my life, this is the first one. To be truthfully, I actually don't really want it now if I think about it again...

5) EOY is like 4 weeks or less from now. I don't really know how near it is, or should I say, I don't want to know. I'm pretty sure I'm screw-ed for EOY. Didn't touch my books at ALL this holiday and I'm still rushing HW. How fail can I get? I'm screw-ed!!! But then, if I come to think of it, I still got a little bit of time... But what good will it do? Last minute effort wouldn't get me far but then again, why shouldn't I work hard? Maybe last minute work can get me slightly better result? Was back to my usual 'sofisticated' me... trying to convince myself to work hard, physco-ing myself to study. BUT, failed as usual. Working hard for EOY>? Empty promise AGAIN. Screw my self-discipline and whatever my five pillars of life is... They don't make a difference to my life anyway. They can't make a difference to my life IF I'm not willing to cooperate. Actually, I want to but then again, I can't seem to make it work... haiz. Just went to check. 3 more weekends. 3 more school weeks including this week. Can I make it in time or will I slack off as usual? To be truthful, if I put in my 100% and make good use of this 3 weeks, it can really make a significant difference but I think(predict) I will slack off. Gosh, when will I really get serious about studying... Not as if I don't want to to get serious, is that I can't! damn it. Seriously, I got to study! I'm doing pretty well in all aspects of my life except for studies. I'm not doing very badly but I can do much better than this. But when it comes to working hard section, I slack off. I got the plans, the brains, the time BUT don't have the willpower...

6) EOY is coming and I'm not even feeling the pressure. This is bad... Gosh! I'm like already prepared to do badly. How can I feel that way!! Must work hard, but, for what? Nothing seem to be able to motivate me...

7) Training 2morow!! but why am I feeling so unenthusiastic? So unlike me...

8) Happy birthdae JARRYL CHAN WEI HAN!! Wish you all the best in your life and hope that you get more handsome every second.( More handsome every year seems to be too long...) Glad to have a friend and a teammate like you=) Always going for lunch after training (not) and going out for dinner after CS training (not) and going home together after CS training (not) and going lan together (not) and going out to play (a little) and getting haircuts together! (dream on). Okay, all those above don't really mean much. We are good friends even though we don't hang out together much, it's your character and personality (not looks) that is keeping us together. Friends don't become good friends be'cose they spend alot of time together. Oya, like to thank you for being so supportive in whatever I suggest. You were never reluctant, always willing to support me=) Xie ler!

9) Lucifer dance steps so difficult to learn sia~ Wow, the SM concert is damn nice. I luv youtube.

10) Thks to all those that shown concern or even notice that I wasn't in school today and bothered to sms me to ask me whether I'm well or whatsoever. TO those that didn't, my reply: I'M doing FINE!

Time to stop. Nites

Grumble

2010-09-12T14:07:00.003+08:00

I HATE people that grumble. I mean, you can grumble and blame everybody in this world other than yourself for your problems but what good does it do? Can it make the situation any better? Instead of grumbling, maybe you can spend your time trying to make the best out of the situation you are in...

Get on with life. This is the message I want to tell everybody that grumbles.

******
IF you wanna be good at something, you got to put in the hard work. Just went to see SM concert at LA. The popularity of the k-pop stars was amazing. If I were them, I will definitely feel super great to have so many fans out there.

They did not achieve all of this overnight, it through continuous hard work that got them to where they stand today. You want to attain success, gradually but eventually...

Take Hyo Yeon as an example. She is recognised for her talent in dancing. I've seen alomst all of the videos that featured her dancing. She can really dance, I swear. But check out her pre-debut and training background. Did she really achieve everything solely on her talent? Or was it through many years of hard work? http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hyoyeon

The same goes to the other SNSD members or even other bands. All of the SNSD members trained for at least 5 years before their debut. 5 years... Just to train themselves up to be ready when they debut. Jessica had the longest training. 7 years and 6 months... Is their success achieve overnight? 7 years and 6 months. Not overnight.

If we want to succeed, we got to start from scratch. We have to start slow and we shall succeed eventually. Success does not come at an instant. It is through the years of hardwork you have put in. Don't blame god that you are not successful in 'whatever area'. All you can blame is yourself... for not putting in enough hardwork and effort. All the successful people in the world today stand at where they are through hard work.

******

Okay, so back to my life. Friendly against ex-NJC. 5-2. Scored 2, assist 1. Looks nice on paper but totally screwed up. Could have done much better... Regarding which aspect, I shall not discuss further.

Dinner at seoul gardens. Was pretty alright.

Caught a cold.

Watched man-u game against Everton. Score was 3-1 at 90 min. Everton scored 2 in the 2 minutes extra time. LOL. Epic.

Arsenal's game was better. 4-1.

Okay, nothing much to write about. Just hope to recover soon. Injury is getting better. Should be fit by tuesday. Screw the cold~ AH-QIU.

Today

2010-09-10T22:58:00.002+08:00

YOG mascot=)

At my god aunt's house=)

The swimming pool=)

Okay, today seriously rock. TOTALLY. Woke up at 10, was drizzling a little. The 'feel' is nice. Definitely. Being able to hid under your blanket, warm and cozy, when it's cold and chilly outside. ( But my mum had to spoil everything, wake me up...)

So after breakfast, after the rain subset, me and my mum took a ride in my aunt's car to my god-aunt's house=) Went swimming=) Yipee! Was finally able to fulfill my wish for this holiday, to play basketball (Was just standing there only but still counted as playing) and SWIMMING!

Okay, so went to bath after swimming and realised that I left my underwear in the apartment. ( Okay, this is for real, not another 'naked' story again)...

Went back up (and wore my underwear) and ate lunch. Then played a bit of yu-gi-oh and came back home. Then watched korean drama series with my mum and went to sleep >.<

Did a bit of hw and here I am, blogging=)

Gosh, friendly with NJ 2morow but my leg is still hurting!! ( I know... injury again...) Really hope to be able to play up to my standard 2morow=) Hehe, I'm SO gonna wear the captain's armband, for the first time=)

******
I really want to find somebody that I can confide to.
Not a brother thou, a girl probably...
Someone that I can share all my problems with
Someone that can be there for me when I'm down

But highly impossible... Don't have courage like some people to ask for people's no. on the bus~

******
Agony
Pain
Suffering
Will
All be kept in my heart till the day you open the door to my heart...

Photos~

2010-09-09T16:41:00.003+08:00

Chem remedial so boring~

At my sis's hostel=)

Prejudiced...

Whose's stick was that?

So cute~ Sica~

Guess

2010-09-09T16:29:00.003+08:00

Guess a four letter word.

It's not really a word, it's a short form.

There is an 'N' in this 4 letter word.

IF you type this 4 letters into the search engine, millions of photos and videos will be found.

Almost all the guys in our guys in the school have seen it before.

Those sexy long legs and seducing body figures=) They even appear in the videos in a group....

Some people secretly film these video, other's do it while the people in the video already know that they are being filmed and yet they are enjoying it...

Wilson have plenty of those videos in his phone.

It's an addiction. Can't control it. The urges to see these videos...

Guess what's the 4 letter word? ( To Derek, Jy and Ryan. Just keep quiet)...

Breathless

2010-09-08T23:07:00.002+08:00

I'm breathless~

So restless yet~

I can't do anything to maintain this peacefulness...

******

Okay, whatever I written about is just crap. Can't seem to make it rythmn and make sense at the same time.

Well, this is my 202th post. Wow. Blink of an eye, one year have past, I've written my 202th post... Still remember last year around this time in the year I was still strugling to quit dota and study.. Now? Struggling to study, but not enough time!!!

Gosh, the homework given = endless. I was planning to do some revision on topics that I'm not good at like trigometry and the few physics topics that were taught recently BUT a whole pile of homework is waiting for me to complete them!!!

I know the teacher's are doing this for our good, all the homework are like revision and practises to prepare us for EOY. But hello!!! If each teacher gives us homework that we have to do for 1 whole day or more, do we have enough time? Plus do we stay at home the entire day just to complete their homework? We still have remedial and CCA!

I'm the kind that complete homework and I'm struggling to complete it. What about those that don't usually do homework? So far I did: English, chinese, E math.

E math look so easy... TYS nia, do this this this question only mah. WTH, took me 8 foolscape to do all the questions...

I still got: A math, 6 X physics paper, chem paper, geo WB, geo case study, geo LDQ, unfinished Math WS, bio quizzes...

GG... girl's generation=) lol

Hell la... I wasn't expecting myself to be relaxing and playing this holiday but I'm not expecting so much homework either!! Now I can't even find the time to revise thanks to the homework. Gosh, i was still planning to go swimming and bBall. Guess swimming with my cousins on friday is still on but Bball? Abandon plan arh!!!

Slowly but eventually ba.. Haiz... Homework are killing me!!!

***
IF your parents nag at you that only means that you still require them to worry about you. That was what I realised over the past few days.

My parents don't worry about me having not enough friends cose I have plenty.
My parents don't worry about me under-achieving in my sports, cose I'm not.
My parents don't worry about me having problems growing up into an adult, cose I'm doing fine.

BUT my parents worry about my results. Nothing else matter to them other than my results be'cose I guess that's the only area they have to worry about. Other than that, I daresay I'm still doing pretty fine.

Really, if you don't want your parents to nag at you than you have to prove to them that they have to worry. I'm gonna try to work hard for EOY ( empty promise again..)!!!

Time not early le, it is time I stop writing. Hope to recieve your letter soon... Letter writing=)

All goes well~

2010-09-07T21:14:00.002+08:00

Hope everything goes well 2morow!!!

Cren good luck for your surgery=)

If pain then cry hor, cry already will feel better de=)

Hope it all goes well!

Yahoo~

2010-09-05T17:19:00.002+08:00

Just realised YAHOO~ is actually a sound you will make when you are feeling 'high', not just some ordinary search engine...

Okay back to the topic, just came back from the badminton session. Although not many people came but it was incredibly fun. Didn't want to play badminton at first (partially cose I can't play it well), but still, it would seemed to be a pity if I didn't...

Okay, so lunch was at 1 at Wendy's at Northpoint. Took bus there. Had a pretty decent meal and bought SNSD ez-link card sticker for my stick. LOL. Planning to paste it on my stick=)

Took bus to Khatib CC. Waited a while and soon it was 2.30. Didn't even bring my racket, my sister took it to her hostel. Not planning to play at all but couldn't resist the temptation of sports~

So nice of my primary school friend, Zheng Wei, to bring an extra racket for me. Started off playing on the stage with his sister, Shi Ni. Was like getting thrashed even though she gave me those nice nice balls ( w8, or should I say nice nice shuttlecocks...). Then she taught me some very basic skill and I'm ready! Went on court...

Haha, only managed to return the balls. Can't smash or control the direction, was plainly keeping it in play... lol, the rest of my friends were like all damn zai... Can't they play floorball or something=) Something I'm good at?

Went on playing and got slightly better. Thanks to all those that taught me how to play badminton, and screw those that kept making me pick up the shuttlecock.

Was not planning to play initially but ended up playing the most in the end=) Improved quite a bit within an hour plus. By the end, I was like on par with Shi Ni (I hope...), when she was like owning me at the start. Maybe I'm just good in sports=)

Went to the card shop too. Had not been there for 3 or more years already... The smell of the place seemed so familiar. Really missed those times in primary school where the few of us rush to this card shop right after school to buy cards. I must have spend close to 300+ on cards...

Time to make my way to my aunt's house for dinner. Gosh, badminton is now making my hand tremble, my hand is shaking as I'm typing...

***

"It's tiring to bear grudges..."

Learn to forgive and forget.

Everybody makes mistakes, so do you. Give the person a chance. Forgive him whether it was on purpose or not, allow him to repent.

It's easier to get along well with a person rather to to bear grudges against him. If you do, you have to deliberately ignore him and even have to avoid him at times. How bother to bear grudges then? Let whatever that happened go...

I can't really 'hate' anybody regardless of what he have done to me. People have hurt me deeply before but I just forgive and forget. Some hurt me so badly that I can ignore him totally for a month or so if I make up my mind to do so. But why bother to make him feel so sad and why bother to deliberately ignore him? Forgive him, even he was at fault. Forgive him, so that he wouldn't feel so sad. Forgive him, be generous.

People can hurt me so deeply till they don't know it cose I don't show it. He can hurt me so deeply that I almost cried but when he apologises on the phone an hour later, I forgive him even though I'm still heartbroken.

We all have feelings, we are all humans. Don't always think about yourself all the time. Think from other's people persepective as well. Put yourself in people's shoe. That's my theory in life.

If you make up your mind to 'hate' somebody, you will never be able to let go of this grudge but if you decide to forgive him, you will realise that he ain't such a bad person afterall.

You can 'hate' him, everything you see about him is bad. If you forgive him, you will see that everything about him ain't that bad afterall. That's life!

Forgive and forget!

2010-09-03T23:21:00.003+08:00

Our ever-lovable chem teacher! Mrs Chua~

Yu-gi-oh?

I'm suppose to be in Anderson Sec!!!!

Head-shot

Colours of life...

After combined schools training, at subway~ Empty place=) Last customer as usual~

For a very special fren. Part 4

2010-09-03T22:43:00.003+08:00

To U:

You light up my life
Your cheerful-ness brings me alive.

You make life look so fun
Hyper-active, run run run=)

4 sentences is all I need
Enough for everyone to guess who it is=)

****

Bro, many things happened. Really worried for you. I can't help you, decision is yours. The result: Me- tails, yours- heads. Seemed like what I would advise you and what you want in your heart is different.

Nevertheless, decision is yours. I can only watch from the side and pray for the best.

Ok, back to the happy post!!!! Thank you Derek!!! ( lol, Jarryl...)

We met since Sec 1, but only became really close friends in Sec 2 and I really appreciated this friendship. We totally had some much in common, till we can't even stop ourselves from being best friends. I mean, let's go down the list- SNSD, floorball, prefect, basketball, k-pop, psp games, movies, looking at girls, maybe not the height..., talking about sick stuff, slacking during duty, dota? lol rmb maple~, pokemon, china trip, hanging out, meals, going home together, suaning each other, wipping your oil on my towel, talking about C and K, going out with L D K, sharing your message conversation of u n C, WildWildWet, floorball under my void deck, dota at my house after cross-country, watch P at nz's cousin house... And much more which I can't remember...

I can't even remember when was the last time I was angry with you for more than 10 minutes... We shared all our secrets... We even slept together (with clothes) during the chalet!

You are like the most energetic friend I ever met. You seriously brighten up my day. Whenever I hear 'ding!'... I know that my day ain't gonna be that bad anymore, cose you will be there for me=)

Thank you for all that you have done for me, cheering me up when I'm down and encouraging me when I'm losing confidence. The memories we share, I will never forget them.

Bro, one last thing i would like to tell you... Once bitten, twice shy, or be twice sorry=)

Nites...

***

Spoiler for next post ( For a very special fren. Part 5):

You never once fought back when he owned you, even though he fails everytime...

Quote

2010-09-03T22:41:00.004+08:00

" We live to our own expectations, not people's imagination... "

- Darrell Er

We can only truly said that we are good if we think so. What people say will not be able to gauge your ability as well as you gauge your own ability... Live up to your own expectations...

31/8/10

2010-09-01T15:17:00.002+08:00

All I can say that yesterday was a very enjoyable day for me=)

6.10: Got onto my dad's car and went to school. Can' take Mrt cose the box was damn huge. My beauty sleep~

6.40: Took the box and went to Ish to collect chips from sec 1s. Trust me, the sec 1s are freaking good for their standard. Swear we are no where close when we were at there age.

Believe it anot, by the time they reach sec 3, they would have far exceed our skills. I'm serious. My fellow sec 3s, better buck up and better not lose to the sec 1s... Since the sec 1s are pretty good, we might as well aim for a double next season... Champions for C div and B div=) Jia You!

7.20: Return back to class to play yu-gi-oh.

7.40: Morning assembly. Received the Geo medal. Finally... Drag drag drag, until yesterday then give out the medal...

7.50: Went back to class to prepare for the 'snack box'...

8.15: Went to hall for 'rehearsal'... Crap la... Didn't even rehearse anything. The band fucking hell occupy the stage, didn't even let us have 1 chance to practise up on stage... Slacked there~

10.30: Finally, the much awaited Teacher's Day performance began!!! The student-teacher band did okay... CO and the Chinese singer.. I would say... screwed up...

Our dance went pretty well, was well received too. Screw the band la, insisted on performing their last song after us. Reduced our already constricted space to half. But, resilience! We did okay with that limited space=) Well done people!!!

I would really like to thank Derek, Cren, Joshua, Jarryl, Jie Ying and Ryan, for supporting me in organising this dance. Remembered the very first time I tried to introduce this team dance idea?

If you guys didn't support my decision then, I couldn't have accomplish anything. You guys supported me all the way, even willing to dance with me on stage. For this, I'm truly grateful. Thank you. A leader can't achieve anything without the support of his comrades. He would just be a man with big dreams.

Thank you for being there when I needed you guys. Thanks for all the support. You guys made one of my dream for the team come true. Last but not least, Eugene! Although you din't dance but thank for being our 'DJ' and helping us out in out practices (sleeping) and being the back-stage crew.

Think you got your own reasons for not dancing but at least you made it clear from the start that you will not be dancing. Oya, Billy thanks as well=)

12.00: Teacher's day celebration finally over~ Managed to entice Mr Han to treat us to lunch. Pizza Hut =) Played 'zhong ji mi ma'. Haha, Mr Han had to call Miss Khoo.LOL. If only we could have more of this kind of meals... Breaks down the barrier between a teacher/coach, but still retaining the same kind of respect in school/on court. Friends outside the school, student/teacher in school.

1.45: Reach kahtib. Was late and saw nobody there. Walked around yet nobody to be found. Decided to go home. Was like emo-ing. Nobody care about me. Nobody remembers me...

2.10: Was under my block already when 'anonymous' sms-ed me that they were actually in my primary school. Tq anonymous=) Or I would have missed out on all the fun.

2.15: Finally found the rest. They were all like super welcome me=) Maybe I wasn't that unpopular afterall=)

Wow. Been a while since I last saw them. All changed quite a bit, including me as well. We have all grown, but still retaining our wonderful childhood memories which we created together=) Really glad to see them all again. Boys decided to go Safra, girls decided to go shopping.

3.00: Finally reached Safra after wasting a lot of time waiting here and there. Met Wei Ning there, for those that know who is she. So happens to be one of my primary school friend's friend. Then Wayne came over and told me, 'hey, I know about the girl u like.." WTF. I mean how did Wei Ning know about it?

It was stupid... I realise I was even more stupid, liking a girl that i have met for like less than 5 times? I mean I even know that her character and behaviour (in all aspects) sucks, she doesn't study and goes out a lot. She ain't that pretty, tell her to lift up her fringe and I will puck...

DARRELL ER hereby announce that he is no longer in love anymore. It was purely an infatuation that lasted till 1/09/10, 4.00 pm.

Pool had to wait damn long. In the end, played a bit of Arcade and went to Zheng Wei's house.

4.00: Btw, Zheng Wei's neighbour is Wan Terng... Such a small world. Decided to play Bball.

4.20: Went to buy drinks and sat down and chit-chat.

4.30: Went to the children's playground and got chased out. LOL. Deprived childhood... Over-sized kids. That was what we called ourselves=) Reminiscing our childhood...

4.40: Played primary school games which we used to play at the fitness corner. Like walking on the balancing beam and see who goes down first, things like that. Lol, freaking deprived. But was very fun.

5.00: Played catching under Zheng Wei's block. Ice and freeze... Deprived again. Me and Darryl were both caught, then we touch each other and claimed ' self-unfreeze'... Lol.

5.30: Went back to the shop and bought ice-cream. Wayne was like trying to make mist come out from his mouth after eating ice-cream. Initially, we thought he was joking so we were all like laughing damn badly. Bursting into laughter all of a sudden, as if we were drunk. But he really did it in the end.

5.50: Went back home by bus.

6.30: Dinner.

8.00: Studied, but was so tired till I could hardly keep myself awake.

Was such a fun day for me... Looking forward to the badminton session on Sunday=) Revive our childhood memories again=)

Naked

2010-08-29T20:12:00.002+08:00

It was about 11 pm.

Really felt horny. Totally.

Everybody in my house was asleep, except for me...

Masturbating would be the norm but not this time... I decided to do something crazier...

I really felt the need to be naked. And to feel exhilarating at the same time.

Crazy. I did the craziest thing I could have done. Horniest was overwhelming me till I couldn't think properly anymore.

I went over to my drawer and took out my keys. i threw it down the window, into the bushes in the garden below my block. It landed somewhere in the garden.

I stripped naked. I threw my clothes on the sofa. I felt ready. I felt the urge to carry out my plans immediately. It was fun, till the max...

I opened my door warily and glanced around. The corridor was empty. Sound came from my parent's room. I twisted around, dreading myself getting caught before I could even carry out my mission. Luckily they were fast asleep. I suddenly realised the dangers of my mission but I wanted to have fun. Try out something exhilarating.

The next thing I did, you would have punched me, kicked me or slap me even. I closed the door. WTF, I was seriously pushing myself to the extreme... I didn't even allowed myself to back out. I was crazy. My only way back now is to retrieve the keys...

I suddenly came to my senses. WTH was I doing!!! I was crazy, i didn't even allowed myself to back out. I wanted to get things over quickly before I get caught. I immediately climbed down the stairs twice at a time with my hard and erected dick banging against my body as I did. Hurry!!!

Right before I reached the 1st floor I stopped. I spotted 2 Indians sitting there, chatting. They don't seem like the kind that will leave anytime soon. I immediately climbed back to the 2nd floor and made my way to another staircase that will lead me to the 1st floor. This one was clear. I immediately sprinted towards the garden.

Without warning, a Chinese male, with headphones on, turn around a bent and was walking towards me. I quickly ducked behind a wall. Luckily he couldn't hear me or he would have spotted me moving already. It was so close. I really felt vulnerable for once. Totally vulnerable without clothes.

After the guy walked away I continued walking towards the garden, warily...

****. __. Guess what. There was a bunch of girls sitting in that exact garden my key had landed and there was one of them hold the keys and the other rubbing her head furiously. Guess the key have landed on her head and caused a wound or something.

In other words, I was dead, finished. How was I going to get the keys back. PLUS, among them, the one holding the key was my primary school friend Cynthia and the other was the girl whom I like that lived in the same block as me. What could be worst...

I was really considering my options, which I have only a few at hand.

1) Go back home and bang on my door and wake my parents up who will be surprised to see their naked son standing at the doorstep. Not an option.

2) Walk up to the girls as if nobody's business and snatch over the keys from the terrified/screaming girls after seeing a naked guy. Not that brave.

3) Steal some clothes and after that, negotiate with the girls to get back the keys. Best available option.

So I made my way back to the staircase where I came down from. Guess what. As I was walking up, a girl in her 20s, average looking, walked down. We met face to face. Super embarrassing!!! I could have killed myself there, dig a hole and bury myself. her expression was like " What's this crazy naked guy doing here?" She almost screamed but kept her composure and quickly walked away, glancing back at me as she walked away with the 'what's wrong with him' expression...

I swear that I would have killed myself if I could. Quickly recovering from the incident, I searched level by level for clothes but only managed to find pants and shirt after walking to the 4th level. The lift was carrying people and went passed me as I walked pass the lift lobby. It did not stop and the people inside didn't seem to notice a naked boy hiding in the shadows anyway.

After gaining the extra protection and comfort of somewhat unfitting clothes, I went over the the garden. The girls were already planning to leave, I was hoping to retrieve the keys without the need to approach the girls but it seem to be inevitable since Cynthia was holding the keys in her hands.

I mustered all my courage and walked over, trying to shift my pants to cover up for my embarrassing erected dick which was jutting out.

"Erm... Sorry. That was my key... I.. Dropped it out of the window... So.. so.. can I get it back.?" I stuttered like shyt.

They 5 girls' attention were all focused on me. All seemed to notice my erected dick jutting out uncomfortably but didn't seem to mind.

" You hurt my friend here. Why should I let you go?" she said these in chinese.

"Sorry... Pls return me the keys..." I said with a dry throat. I was starting to feel embarassed, esp in front of the girl which I liked from my block...

Suddenly, I felt my pants dropped. Somebody had pulled it down after realising I wasn't wearing any underwear. My dick was like totally exposed. I felt 'naked'...

I felt angry yet embarrassed. They were all like laugh at me. I felt bad damn. Damn hurt. I quickly pulled my pants up and snatched over the keys from Cynthia's hand. I quickly ran back to the stairs and ran back home. I could hear the faint laughter from the girls as I ran hard, back to my house...

I was too stupid. I was crazy. I swear I'm never gonna do something so stupid AGAIN.

*
*
*
*
*
*
*

"RIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNNGGGGGGGGG!" It a brand new Sunday.

Dead tired

2010-08-27T21:17:00.005+08:00

I'm dead tired now...

Tuesday night YOG started this whole crap. Caused me a lack of sleep. Wednesday was super tired.

Thursday was worst. Catch a cold and was dying. But still went for training. Didn't train for close to a month since a series of injuries kept me on the sideline...

Today, 2pm -6pm. Non-stop dance practise. Dead tired. At least we were able to complete the whole dance=)

Lucifer dance steps are dead cool. I swear. This song never seems to bore me.

Having a sore throat now. Hope it wouldn't cose me to be ill again...

Gosh, I should be studying and not preparing for Teacher's Day right now... Must not retain. Not all my subjects are above 60 this year. Must work hard. Can't tarry anymore... Not much time left...

Restricted...

2010-08-25T17:40:00.002+08:00

That's how I'm feeling now. Squashed and restricted.

Just like this poor panda, I'm caged within time. He is caged by a watch (time), while I'm caged within the limited amount of time I have left for the upcoming EOY.

When life just seemed to brighten up a little, when everything seems like it is gonna be fine for once, comes the crashing weight of the stress of the EOY upon my shoulders.

Darn. Reality is simply cruel...

I already found out what my weakness are and have already started working to overcome them. It will obviously not be completed over a few days but I really have to hurry and get things right FAST. EOY is just round the corner...

I better not tarry anymore. I'm procrastinating too much. I starting to accumulate my homework, just like before. Can't afford to do so. I've already learnt my lesson. Better not repeat that again. But then again, no matter how determined I was to do/start on my work when I reach home, I just seem to falter right before I start my work. It's really very annoying and I can only blame myself for it. I know it's tough for me to change over such a short period of time when this bad habit of mine has been part of my daily life for a year or 2, but at least I have to try overcoming it a little by little. Problem is, I JUST can't seem to overcome this barrier. It's annoying. I keep telling myself to not procrastinate anymore but I just can't seem to carry out whatever I was thinking. My actions and thoughts don't synchronise.

C'mon Darrell, you can do it... Hwaiting!!!

*****

Today's morning have a religious talk for Carpe Diem. Was rather amazed by the ideology and belief of the various religion. I'm not against any religion (free thinker), but I sort of have this vision that a religion is just a bluff/propaganda. This is purely my perception so there is no offense against those with religion. I mean, who can prove that god exist? I vaguely remember something about messenger and angels, like they sorta pass message from god or something, but who can confirm these angels exist in the first place? Even if they really exist, who can prove that that is the actual message from god? I mean that are many things in a religion that we can't challenge. It is like " It's was like this from the start, everybody agrees so it should be right..." conception. Nobody can prove that it is right or wrong. Nobody actually saw god face to face before right?

So how can we actually confirm that god exist? So religion is more like a belief and ideology, nobody can prove it wrong or right. It's holy. You don't believe it then forget it, if you do, continue believing in it. Dead people can't tell us whether they really went to heaven or hell right?

BUT, I would really like to stress that religion is something that brings more good than harm. It really develops you as a person well. It stresses on values and belief. It trains a person well. And when these followers trust their god and know that god is watching over them, it actually builds up belief in them. It builds self-discipline as well, cose for eg, fasting, they can't eat cose they know god is watching and stuff like that. They also think twice before they do anything that is against their religion, which trains self control.

That's why I'm never against any religion as I see it as something good even though I'm still not convince that god exist that's why I have yet to have a religion. Fyi, most of the successful people in the world have a religion... Faith and believe keeps one going.

Bye~

Us

2010-08-23T21:10:00.002+08:00

I know the chances of us meeting 2morow is as low as 0.1% but I'm still hopeful.

***

I say no
My mind can't agree better
but my heart isn't with me anymore
it's with you

You stole it long time ago
You stole it without knowing
You stole it before I can't resist
You stole my heart

We stared at each other for 5 seconds
maybe longer...
You should have never done that
Nor should I have continued thinking about you

We live in two different worlds.
You lead your life and I lead mine
We will never cross path
Cose we are treading on different ones

We will never be able to be together
Yet I refuse to accept that
I know it's purely infatuation
But I refuse to let this feeling go

I know I'm foolish
But I rather be foolish than to forget you
Time and time I tried to get you out of my mind
And each time I failed miserably

You live a life that is totally different from mine
So do I
You have your group of social acquaintance
Vastly different from mine

I will never fit in your life
Neither would you fit into mine
But ironically
My life wouldn't be complete without you

I know you aren't that perfect
I refuse to meet you again
Just to be able to retain that perfect image of your's
in my heart

I know I'm foolish
all this one-sided love
I know I'm just wasting time
Just accept the truth
in the face of harsh reality
...
We will never be together.

No matter how hard I work for achievement
I know I will never be able to match up to your beauty

I went to your school
I went there just to find you
I thought I saw you
It just turned out to be my imagination

People say girls will go crazy over me
I only want you
Yet
We will never be together

When there's a will there's a way?
And what if it all ends in misery?
You should really get out of my live right now
I got no time and place for you...

He told me you are nothing but a slut
I can't agree any better
I know you are way lousy than I imagined you to be
You got many flaws, nothing to be proud of

Yet I going crazy over you.
What wrong with me?

Snsd Genie (Jap Version)

2010-08-23T17:14:00.002+08:00

Quote

2010-08-22T21:02:00.002+08:00

If we were to achieve something, we have to work for it...

LALALA

2010-08-19T17:55:00.002+08:00

Once my blog visits hits a 1000, I shall write about something you guys want to know about me. I shall write whatever you request for truthfully =) Start thinking about the best question you wanna ask/ know about me =)

Wednesday- Pon school whole day for the geo project. Was screw-ed up as expected. We were the least prepared team as far as we could see. They all had posters, decoration, well-rehearsed scripts and beautiful models being displayed. We- nothing. But was kinda relieved that we aren't the last... Came in 8th out of 11th. Pretty impressive for a team that came with nothing to show. Kinda sad that the judges only saw like 1/5 of the video I did. Spent like 6 hours to complete it and yet... Nvrm...

Today- Today really suck. Big time. Lesson + retest till 4.45? Can't go training somemore... Darn the guy that injured me... Maybe it's fate that god want me to rest till my knee fully recover. Actually my knee doesn't hurt anymore but better to be safe than sorry, better not strain it...

My thing injury is getting slightly better. Can walk normally now but definitely can't run yet. Used to think that having an injury is cool but now... NONONO thank you...

Results I got this term is really shitty. Gonna work hard for EOY, but will it be an empty promise again? Only time will show.

Anybody wants to join my study group? I will make it clear first. This group will strictly only study in school, not J8 or library, waste travelling time. Plus, the purpose of it is to allow us to help each other when we dunno how to solve a question and to make the all of us study instead of going home and doing nothing. So any interested mugger?

Will start officially next week. Everyday after school, on days without training. Location is either at 3-4 or study area beside art room. Interested pls tell me=) This group is meant for people that want to do a final push for the EOY.

Hwaiting!

My new quote

2010-08-16T21:12:00.000+08:00

We are all simple, we live simple and simple it shall be…

SJII

2010-08-16T20:12:00.004+08:00

Went down to SJII today for their training.

Was pretty enjoyable as there was air-con=)

Learnt one very important lesson: Cherish your teammates. Other than Jonathan and the Bryan guy, the rest are, I would say, not up to standard yet... Really start to appreciate all the players in chs after this session!

Was quite impressed with the coach's patience with the player. If I was her, i would have long quitted. She seem to be okay with the training session, not demanding much but teaching them very patiently...

Nites...

Weekends

2010-08-15T22:07:00.003+08:00

Weekends just flashed past me once again. At least this weekend has been slightly more meaningful...

Saturday- YOG celebration in the morning. Was excused and stayed in class to do the geo project. Didn't do anything and ended up watching the performance from my class. Miss Naf saw that we did not have a laptop and could not do anything so she wanted all of us to go kenneth house and do the project but me and Nigel managed to give a whole bunch of excuses and were allowed to stay for soccer. Hurray!

First match was against 3-9. Did not play in that game. Was rather close game as it was down to penalties. Alex shot at Samuel and Brendan missed his shot totally and granted us our entry to the next round.

Round 2 was against 3-8. I featured my debut=) Nigel did the 'amazing dribble' past 3 players and scored. Wow. In the midst of the match, 3-8 was suppose to play the ball back to us but Darrall Ong, when hitting the ball back to Samuel to restart the play, slammed the ball into Nigel's face instead. Ouch. Can't really blame him since it's an accident but really couldn't stand what Jordan did. Zhi Qi rushed up to Nigel and checked whether he was okay. Jordan threw the ball at Zhi Qi. WTH. Zhi Qi was only the medic, why drag him into the conflict and who is at fault in the first place? But we did not pursue the matter any further anw.

Finals was against 3-7. They had a rather strong line-up. Nigel was knocked down and 3-7 continued to play but Khiam Li caught them and did a counter attack and scored. They argued that we should have stopped the play when Nigel was down but they were the one that continued the play in the first play. Putting that aside... I scored the second goal!!! Oyeah... Lei Jun then slotted 2 more balls in and made it 4-0. Once, the 3-7 goal keeper tried to act cool after picking up the ball, he turned over and banged into the goalpost. Lol, epic... After conceding 4 goals, 3-7 gave up and substitute 3 sports class players. But still, we scored again and ended the game 5-0. Took and team photo and went back to class to celebrate.

This victory indeed strengthened our class spirit and we were able to bond as one for the first time ever since the start of the year. Khiam Li did great as the captain. He stopped us when the conflict started during our match against 3-8 and made it a point that we do not have to win but to play as a team instead during the finals. He also played every single player and praised us for sticking to the game plan. Maybe I can model him for being such a great captain=) Ty Khiam Li.

After changing, Nigel, Seh Hian and I went to Mac's to have lunch. After that, Nigel and I went to his house. Nigel house is kinda messy but very very clean. After he bathed and ate, we went over to Kenneth's house for the project. Nigel guessed that his unit was on the 10th, but it was actually on the 11th. Quite close anw. Guess what, I spent 5 hours non-stop doing the project. WOW.

Now I can truly say I'm a pro at Movie maker and youtube downloader... Was working on the video introducing the itinerary with MVs such as Lucifer, Sorry Sorry, SEOUL, Tell me your wish, Bo Peep, Cabi and any other k-pop MV you can think of. Was rather funny and interesting. Try to upload if possible some other day.

Went back home and had dinner with my family at 9. Fell asleep immediately once I laid on my bed. Was indeed a very very tiring day...

Sunday.

Woke up and watched TV till lunch. Had sushi/steamboat for lunch. Returned back home and slept till dinner. After dinner, studied SS till now?

Haha, 2morow 'floorball action' with Cren, Derek and Ryan at SJII. Hope it's gonna be fun and... hope my knee doesn't give me any problem. Still have to complete the video during lesson time 2morow and SS test. Gosh, only read through twice. Think I have to memorise it again after this.

Nites!

Yo

2010-08-13T20:49:00.002+08:00

Exams are finally over but I'm not even feeling happy, dreading the results...

Played a bit of soccer and went to J8 to shop for stuff for the geo project... Went home after that...

Met up with my parents for dinner.

That's more or less what happened today.

Want to say much more, but I'm afraid I will be called "emotionally unstable"... So, just have to write out everything somewhere else...

Nites.. hiaz

Returning back to old times...

2010-08-12T17:15:00.004+08:00

Was on my way back home when I met one of my primary school friend, Scott. Saw him at Bishan already but only managed to muster enough courage to talk to him until the train stopped at Yio Chu Kang. Had a nice little chat with him and realise he didn't change much, just probably more handsome and grown taller.

Wouldn't it be nice if we are could remain the same person we were in primary school? Innocent and carefree... It would really be nice if I could return back to who I was when I was younger.

Was walking to the Bishan Mrt today. I was alone, so i tried ato follow my primary school 'style' of going home. Big strides, rushing home even though there is no apparent rush. I managed to get back that 'feel'. It felt good. Can't describe the feeling but it's like going back to where you were 5 years back. All those fond memories of yourself doing things which are probably considered childish to you by now.

Time indeed past so fast... Even things that I would never think of happening to people around me have happened. Time have changed, we have changed. We all changed, but the crucial point is, whether it's for the better or for the worst?

Life will be perfect if we could rewind everything and start all over again. Then we can all correct our mistakes and lead a perfect life... But mistakes and surprises are what make our lives more interesting, ain't it?

***

Comparing myself now to who I was 3 years ago, I can't help but to feel ashamed of myself. I can hardly believe myself. I've changed so much, from a person which I myself even respect, to somebody i despise. 3 years... I've changed for the worst...

It took me 3 years... 3 years to realise that I'm no longer who I was 3 years ago. I've changed so much that I can hardly accept it.

But all of this is gonna change. I will try, try my very best, to become the Darrell I knew 3 years back. I threw away most of my good traits and inherited bad ones. Time to do a reversal. Drop the bad ones and pick up those good ones...

This time it's gonna be slightly different... cose I'm in a new environment, with new people, new things to do... But I'm going to find back my old self... The one which I myself even admire...

Take some time to think about it. Were you a better person 3 years back when you were in primary school or are you a better person now, or did you not change at all? If you are like me, think about it... What caused all of these and are you gonna do anything about it? Finding back your old self?

***
Procrastinate... That's my weakness...

LOL

2010-08-11T18:01:00.004+08:00

Boy: When do you touch yourself the most?

Girl: That's a bit personal...

Boy: At that period of time, were you naked?

Girl: I think so...

Boy: And were you alone?

Girl: Of course...

Boy: And you normally take around 10 to 15 minutes...

Girl: Yea...

Boy: I knew it!!! You touch yourself the most when you bath!

Sometime things are not the way you think it is...

Chio

2010-08-11T16:58:00.002+08:00

Damn nice... She's like so damn pretty... That is what I call chio...

I hate myself

2010-08-10T15:25:00.002+08:00

Self discipline, the ability to do what is need, to follow the plan...

Self control, the ability to restrain myself from doing things, that occur unexpectedly, which is not part of the plan...

Self-determination, to noy give up doing something easily, to last till the end and not give up

Self confidence, to believe in myself that I can do it, to trust my ability and not doubt it

Self motivation, to encourage myself, to make myself believe that I can do it..

My 5 pointers I keep reminding myself when I'm carrying out my plans...

After 4 days, I came to a conclusion...

I got no self discipline at all...
Self control, even worse still.
Determination, negligible.
Too much self confidence
Too optimistic, too much self motivation till I dunno what am I motivating myself for...

I'm such a loser... I hate myself, I hate myself to be unable to follow my plans.

I got to train myself even further, to have self discipline, self control and determination to carry out my plan, then with some self confidence and motivation, then can I finish what I set out to do.

C'mon Darrell!!! Don't be a loser!!!! I'm a winner!!!

20 thing u should know about me...

2010-08-05T21:25:00.004+08:00

Here are a list of 20 things which you should know about me:

1) I'm a big fan of SNSD!! Jessica, Tiffany and Tae Yeon are my favourites...

2) I love chocolate!!! All kind!!!

3) I'm a K-pop'rian...

4) I love floorball!!!

5) I love to swim, although I don't really swim nowdays. FYI, I started swimming in P2, coompleted 'Gold' and 'life saving 3' at P4, joined a swimming club 'Swim Knights' at P5 and entered competitive swimming. Trained daily except weekends for 3 hours daily, really very tiring. Didn't excel in swmming, was only above average. Continued till pre-PSLE. Stop swimming ever since...

6) I love to read, esp Anthony Horowitz books and Maximum Ride series. Love all spying/agent/intelligence/exciting storyline books. Huge reader in primary school... During primary school, could read up to 35 books during EOY break...

7) Favourite bubble tea is Oreo.

8) Plays dota. Favourite heroes are --> Axe, Yunero, Storm. Not very good at it but enjoy it though... But can easily own Cren's balls~

9) Very positive about everything!!! At least, most of the times...

10) Priorities in life is: Family and Friends, Passion (floorball), Future(studying).

11) Plans to represent my nation in the future!! Salute.

12) Love to spend money on things that are worth it to me.

13) Not planning to hav a GF till duno when...

14) Favourite pastime is sleeping...

15) Hates it when ppl are selfish or self-centered...

16) Dun like to rely too much on electronic devices...

17) Doesn't pick up calls or reply immediately since phone is often in slient or in the bag.

18) Tend to be late in the morning.

19) Have a personal set of life theory and principles.

20) Doesn't eat fastfood unless forced to, except KFC. I mean, how can you live without it's chicken for more than a month? I will die!

That's more or less things you should know about me...

Nites...

!!!

2010-08-04T18:04:00.002+08:00

I will stop ************!!!!!!!!!

Choices

2010-08-01T00:30:00.002+08:00

If you can change 1 thing in your life right now,what would it be?

.......

For me, I will remain as how things are right now...

What we have became today is the result of the many choices we had to make during our lives...

Don't wish for anything more or less, cose~ this might be the best result you will ever get.

Be contempted with what you have now. You never know how your life would screw up if any single aspect in your life changes.

The decision you have made in the past are based on what you were thinking then, which of course, may not be the most informed choice but just remember, you made the decision and you made the right decision. No regrets...

Regretting is part of life

Regretting wasting time on regretting is the only reason we should regret

But wasting time on regretting on wasting time on regretting makes it no better

So, quit regretting,

Cose~ You've always been making the right choice to become who you are today

Any slight change in your life right now can just screw you up.

* For those that dun understand. For eg, you wish you had better floorball skills. Your life made a major change now. You are in combined schools, you spend even more time on floorball everyday, you start to get arrogant, you want to get a better stick to match your skills, you rise up to captain and take up more responsibility. You become popular and spend time with your friends then your family and studies. You play in Div 1 and get injured.

Result ( After being better in floorball): No time, get arrogant, want to buy new stick, take up captain's responsibility, spend more time with friends, lesser time with family. Studies screw up cose no time study, get injured in the end, so no more floorball.

SO better floorball skills makes your life better? Think again? I believe all of us are the best we can get, dun try to overdo stuff and end up screwing up your life. The life we have right now is the best and the most suitable one. Don't try to jump steps, you will end up falling. Follow the rules, one step at a time. Nobody can change overnight, you want to have better floorball skills, even if god grants you the wish, you will screw up your life ( like the scenario above). If you want to have good floorball skills and not screw up your life, train harder. You will spend more time, but you will learn to adapt in the process and cope with it. When your good enough, you can then have good floorball skills and not screw up your life. Work hard, one step at a time...

What we are today are the choices we have made in the past. Should I play floorball, should I study harder, should I make friends with him? Remember, whatever choice you made, it was the best one. You want to improve your life? One step at a time. We achieve what we achieved if through gradual hardwork and effort, not something that we can obtain overnight. Success takes time to build up...

I suggest, don't ever regret your choice and stop dreaming, start working towards your dreams...

Nites...

Blood pledge rocks...

Thank You

2010-07-30T21:46:00.003+08:00

I'm back!!! The usual me is BACK!!! WohOo!!!

No more emo, no more negative thoughts, no more stupid thoughts running wild...

I seriously have to thank everybody that helped me through this darkest period.

Cren - Ty for scolding me awake. All those you wrote on your blog and on the tagbox, really knock some sense into me. Once again, advices from the pro... Really, thank you=) I really thought that friends are really selfish at that point in time, just realised that the amount of devotion they put into the relationship may be even more then I did... I take back my words. I'm sorry for saying, let's put it behind kay? Cose I really dun wan to lose such great friends...

Derek - Thank for letting me know that you have always been there for me. I dao-ed u on monday but u still came to talk to me. Thks brudda!! Love ya always~

Eugene - You did the final blow!!! Was shaky, confused about everything. You did the final push and waked me to my senses. Really appreciate what you have done for me. XIE ler You Gen Ge!

Joshua - Never even seem pissed with me at all, constantly giving me support=) Ty vice-cap, you are a real solid friend.

Jarryl - Ty for everything. From injuring my knee ( joking!!! Dun blame you anymore, cause it actually recovered already but I pulled it again so now very pain, so it's my fault now XD), to easing the tension between me and the rest when I was hysteric...

Seh Hian - Ty for giving me a brainwashing lesson during lesson time??? You just need to stay awake in class=) Ty bro...

Anonymous - Who heck r u? But ty anw, you really smashed me in the face with your remarks, which of course, jolted me awake from my darkest period... reveal yourself pls... Wilson? I really dunno...

Friends... You guys gave me a all new definition of 'friends'.

'Friends', they are people that stay by you even when you are your lowest point in your life, walking through your darkest period of your life without any grumbles. THANK YOU all!!! I love you guys~

Can't imagine life without you people... This may sound very fake?, like trying to amend for my mistakes or make up for my misdeed, but I really mean it, thank you, all of you =)

Study!!!

2010-07-30T21:43:00.001+08:00

"Its a Sunday and I locked myself inside my house to do HOMEWORKS! Yeaps! did loads, but still can't complete... " Lynda

My inspiration to study=) Really like the idea of locking myself up and doing serious work instead of spending few hours doing nothing...

To my best friend I ever had in my life...

2010-07-27T19:21:00.003+08:00

To my very best friend I ever had in my life:

You are indeed my very best friend I ever had in my life, seriously. If you were a girl, I would have married you already.

Thank you. Thank you for everything that you have done for me.

You have shown me that friends aren't what I thought they would be. Many incidents recently have brought across this message to me " Friends aren't who they seem, everything has it's motive..." I started to believe for a moment.

Since young, I was granted quite some power in many aspects of my life due to the various leadership positions I held. I was, in a way or another, popular among my friends; people all wanted to be part of my 'clique'. Like you said "the aura". It's just there, maybe it's my personality or maybe it's my character, I'm not sure anyway. Or maybe be'cose I'm very sucessful in all aspect of my life. Studies, sports, friends, student leader, outspoken, fun-loving. Definitely a guy everybody would want to hang out with.

1) Jarryl on his blog, "So much for trying so hard to be on good terms with him by heading to the students' lounge during recess for a period of time." So you didn't really like to go to the student's lounge? You went thr so that you could get closer to me?

2) Met a few primary school friends recently. Realised that nobody actually contacted me when thr was class gathering. Considering the fact that I was one of the most popular in my class, why hadn't anybody contact me when there was a class gathering? Or was all the 'friendship' a lie? A way for them to get into my clique, a way for them to take advantage of my power I held then?

3) Accidentally tripped Cren during training. He said this at the Mrt, unintentionally of course, " Friends don't trip each other on court." I was furious, I thought he knew it was totally unintentional, I thought we knew each other so well that we will understand that we will never injure one another no matter what. Oya, sry Jarryl... knew how u felt then XD... My fault...

4) Those friends that I thought were my best friends got the lowest score for the quiz. Nigel and Jarryl were the highest, Derek was the lowest... I thought that Derek knew me very well... Was it all a lie only?

When the message started to hover around in my head, I began to wonder. Did all my 'friends' become my friends be'cose they want to be part of the popular 'clique' or be'cose they wanted to take advantage of the power I held? I foolishly believed these thoughts and started to dislike everybody, from Derek all the way to Seh Hian. I wanted to be a loner. I wanted everybody that 'want to take advantage of me' to regret and waste their effort...

More often than not, I always put my friends before me in all situations. I treated them wholeheartedly, with no signs of self-centered-ness. I'm always willing to give but not for any return. I believed that the amount of devotion I put into the relationship decides the outcome of our relationship. BUT, never once anybody did something for me unless I did them a favour for them. Nobody did something which ask for nothing in return. Nobody but YOU...

You helped me regain my confidence in friendship. You shown me that friends aren't what they seem, cose~ they are even better than what you actually think. Thank You.

Your indeed my best friend. You are the very 1st guy which did something for me without asking for any return. If there wasn't a need, I wouldn't even have seen what you have done for me. This is what true friends do. Helping each other in the back, without the person knowing; doing everything without asking for any return or acknowledgement.

You are the very first guy I met whom have done so much for me. I'm always doing it for my friends but hardly anybody realising it. You're the only one which have done what I've done.

In fact you know me better than I know myself.

I think you are closest to yourself.
You want to be a coach.
You aspire to be a writer.
Your darkest period was in sec 2.
And your favourite subject is Geography.

This wasn't my original answers but come to think of it, actually it's true... That was what I'm truly am. I'm closest to myself not my family. I want to be a coach. I want to be a writer more than a movie director, it's be'cose my command of language isn't strong enuf that's why I lied to myself saying " I want to be a movie director." Come to think of it, my darkest period WAS Sec 2, not P5. Grades dropping in sec 2, not very good at floorball then, had little close friends. Geo IS my favourite subject.

Indeed, I keep too much things to myself. When anybody ask " You feeling okay?" I would definitely say " I'm fine" even though I'm not. I don't tell anybody my troubles, I have too many secrets that I'm not willing to share. Those problems on the blog are only the surface, I never once wrote something that was close to my heart. Everything is kept inside.

"I dunno but i feel that you have this special way of making other people feel that you are doing fine. And for awhile i believed it, and i felt INCREDIBLY jealous of you. Yeah, jealous. I couldn't understand how your world could be so perfect, and it just seemed to me that you had everything. Friends, GREAT floorball skills (and dun try to say that its not great, because i know and you know that it is) you had like awesome grades. And like china girls fall for you. Yeah you say she's irritating, but not even irritating ones fall for me.. And like you are also incredibly outgoing and fun to be around. And one more very important thing. You never succumb to anger the way i do."

In eyes of many, I'm like the perfect person to be. The ideal successful 'student alethete'. It's be'cose I've always seem so perfect that I did not want my image to get stained. I wanted to stay perfect in everybody's mind. Nobody in this world is perfect, I'm not perfect too. It's all a lie, I'm like all of you, I'm just better in areas where you can see, imperfect in areas you can't see. I have many secrets that I'm not willing to share, I want to perfect in eveybody's mind.

You taught me something important, to open up. I'm keeping so many things to myself that it's killing me. I need to say everything out. Nobody truly knows me. That was why I created the quiz to find out how much people actually know about me. Truth is, the only person that knew me inside out, other than you and ,Nigel which came close, is myself. I keep too much to myself.

There are so many secrets in my life, many you never heard of, many you will never expect to come from me. I decided to share it with somebody at last, it will be you. I decided, I shall slowly tell you EVERYTHING...

Thank YOU, my best friend I ever had in my life. This is the 1st time in my life I ever came close to saying something close to my heart in this blog.

You shown me what true friendship really means. Although there will still be doubts when I'm with my friends, but you are one that I will never ever doubt. Cose~ your my true friend =)

To U: hehe, your dream finally came true =)

...

2010-07-27T17:42:00.000+08:00

Nothing to say.

Hope you guys enjoyed the movie.

Dying

2010-07-25T23:35:00.003+08:00

I really feel like dying right now...

I feel like crying, reason unknown.

I'm so tired of my life. So tired of it...

I just want to slack my life away for the next few days, doing nothing at all.

Heck all the hw and exams, I'm in no mood to attend to them.

Really hope that I can sleep and never wake up, that would be the best.

Dun come and bother me, cose if anybody is doing so, I'm gonna tell him to fuck off. Nothing in my life now is important, everything seem pointless.

At the end of the day, what do I get? Nothing.

I was right. I got no friends that understand me, not even one was close to getting it right. My so-called 'friends'... none got close to the answers...

And Cren, I'm really considering to be a taxi driver in the future...

One day everybody will come to this point in time thinking, "What am I living for? Why am I working so hard everyday?"

What do I really get from it? Life is harsh, reality makes it worse...

Maybe my parents were right. Friends are there when you doing fine,but your family will be there will you are in trouble. Blood is thicker than water, I'm starting to understand why now...

From now on, I shall be a loner. In fact, I was alone all along. I just had the illusion that I had friends with me. I was lying to myself obviously.

Alone now, walking to the end point of adolescence. Took me quite a while but I'm through. I'm no longer who I used to be anymore. I came to my senses already.

There is no one that understands you better than your family does.

Cooler, darker and more mature. I'm a different person from now.

I don't derserve to your friend, neither do you...

Who am I?

2010-07-25T20:25:00.001+08:00

To all my friends out there, do you really think you know me well enough? Cose~ I think none of you do…

I have many close friends, people who care for me, people who have shown me their concern. Cren, Derek, Gene, Josh, Jarryl, Ryan, Nigel, Wilson, JY, Seh Hian, all of you make great friends.

But do you really noe me? Take the test below, I would like to see your answers…

1) Who am I closest to?

A) Cren
B) Family
C) Myself
D) Derek

2) (Floorball) What do I aspire to become in the future?

A) A referee
B) A coach
C) A national player
D) A normal player that purely enjoys floorball

3) What do I aspire to become in the future?

A) A writer
B) A journalist
C) A movie director
D) A taxi driver

4) What was the darkest period in my life?

A) Always
B) P5
C) Now
D) Sec 2

5) What’s my favourite subject??

A) Math
B) Geo
C) History
D) English

Just give it a try. I would like to see your answers…